Bumping your head

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I am 40 G*d D@MN years old and I am about as comfortable in my body as a five year old.

Today I had lunch with my parents in this restaurant where the seats are built into giant wine barrels. I actually eat lunch at this place everyday but I never sit in the Barrels because I find them uncomfortable and I have a problem getting the waitresses attention. My Father wants to eat in one of these...who the hell knows why. At one point my mother goes to the restroom so I have to move out of the barrel to let her out. She says as I am about to get back in "Watch your head"... So I am concentrating so much not to hit the edge of the barrel that I ram my head right into the light fixture inside. WHY CAN'T My Brain make my body function properly Most people never bump into things. I counted today, I bumped into 23 things accidentally. I look like a clown just trying to walk.

Sorry I needed to vent.

Don't feel bad, Gideon! I'd much rather feel like a clumsy five-year-old than a restrained and self-possessed 40-year-old, for whatever that's worth! Just think, most people take things like sitting down and standing up easily for granted. At least you get to appreciate these little moments in a way almost as if the world is new for you and you're trying to navigate it for the first time. Everything is so much more meaningful that way! By the way - I'm extremely clumsy too!

Hehe... like most aspies, I have ADHD, and I always have bruises. When I haven't taken Ritalin, I have more bruises. Much of the time I can't remember where I got them. I always have a few rather interesting ones when I return from a journey -- probably lifting suitcases and bashing them into my legs... or something.

I have, however, learned to be fairly nimble in some things -- I could have been a lot worse if it weren't for that. I recommend dancing or martial arts for improving your co-ordination and balance and your appreciation and enjoyment of your body.

I recommend getting a DVD which teaches you tai chi and working through it patiently and regularly when you are alone.

(Personally, I wouldn';t really want to join a dancing class, unless it was one-to-one. I've gone to classes in the past (incl. ballet when I was young), but because I don't learn actions quickly, I get left behind. The only kind of group movement which I find sort of OK is an exercise form called Nia, because you can do things your own way and at your own pace if you like, without discrimination against you.)

I learned a lot by trying things out by myself and I now I dance in public places and get great enjoyment from it.

Oh, and I'm 45.

I used to be really really interested in certain martial arts studied them for almost 20 years. I had gotten to a point where I finally had control of balance and felt moderately in tune with my body.....then I contracted Lyme disease. Lyme turned Aspergers that I had relative control over into a huge pain in the ass. It is like it caused my problems to go into over drive and I had symptoms which I had gained control over for years pop back up. (and I had no idea what aspergers even was until a couple years ago I had just worked hard to be normal)

The whole thing of having a physical extent in 3-dimensions, and that interacting with other objects, does get a bit annoying at times. (It would be nice to be able to turn on cl_noclip ( <-- a reference for gaming nerds).)

Yesterday, I was at a crowded restaurant, and had to feel my way along the walls other people's table edges to get back to my table (it was smorgasboard), as if blind. And was probably doing a "zombie walk," though I don't care how I look in that way as much as I used to.

About the only thing I've found that helps is to move slowly. It's hard work keeping track of where all my body parts are, let alone other objects, or worse, other people's bodies and parts.

Uggghhh, that must be tough! I see the context now.

You must have always had Asperger's. before the Lyme disease, though, just without the manifestation of significant deficits. Asperger's is something you're born with.

Yes I'm always banging my head. Only way to avoid a lot of accidents is to slow down. I'm good at that, but people think it's strange.

I did not know I had Aspergers before this past year but yes I have had it all my life the lymes just made it worse. I don't have an official diagnosis but I spoke at length with my Brother's wife who is a school psychologist and she agrees that I am probably pretty high up on the spectrum in some areas. I am really debating going and getting a real diagnosis because I doubt it will be helpful and in the United States being diagnosed with a "mental" problem carries all kinds of negative baggage when it comes to legal rights.

Yep, I know that in some states that's the case. However, it can also have legal advantages, because as a person with a 'disability' you are supposed to have special access to services and support. One of my friends (who lives in California) is desperately trying to find someone who can diagnose her. She struggles with meltdowns often, and finds odd jobs where she can, but she runs low on food regularly because she struggles to make ends meet. An Asperger's diagnosis would help her to get financial support from the state.

I live in South Africa and here you don't get quite as many disability privileges. Well... a few... such as scoring points as a supplier when applying for government contracts which favour Black-owned or disabled-owned businesses. But then of course you must be in business in the first place.

PS: I know that Lyme disease can result in hyperacusis, which is also a problem in many autistic people who haven't had the disease. I have it from time to time, and carry hearing protection with me everywhere, just in case I need it.

Do you struggle with that?

*bumps into conversation*

I have it severely. I always wear earplugs at school (and sometimes at home), or earplugs at home combined with those huge music-playing headphones if I'm having a really bad day. T___T

I get confused when there are many competing noises but noise doesn't bother me as much as light.... and water I hate rain all rain. Water should not fall out of the sky

I do have to sleep with a fan going in my face because outside noises would wake me all night long.

I am also often sensitive to light, mostly to sharp contrasts in light in the environment, in the presence of movement and clutter -- such as a bustling coffee shop with large windows facing the road.

The light-enstitivity is a pity, because I like the aesthetic appearance of light environments, I just can't always tolerate them. My home is furnished in cream and white with touches of orange, but I often draw the curtains.

I usually sit with my back to the window, even in meetings, although I would actually prefer to be able to look outside. (And to have my back towards a corner -- typical aspie thing.)

I recall a 2-hour road trip a few years ago (before I was diagnosed) where everything was bright and the countryside flashed past; I could not imagine that someone could be affected such things, so I thought my tension and distress was the result of psychological/relationship problems, so I tried to just ignore it. The trip ended in a terrible meltdown when I got into the office, which lasted for the whole afternoon. I went off to an appointment at sunset, still in the meltdown state. (Didn't know what meltdowns were then either; couldn't explain my actions the next day.)

Is light-sensitivity exacerbated by having had Lyme Disease? I don't know that much about it. because I have never met anyone who had it, I've only ever read about it online. I guess it must be rare -- or it doesn't occur at all -- in South Africa.