Parents in denial?

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I had recently made a post about this with the Subject being "HELP ME!", but I guess nobody answered due to the fact the subject did not seem important. Anyways:


A few months ago, I had not the slightest clue what Asperger's Syndrome was, when my mother told me I had it. I met somebody on an online game, and he told me that he had it. I looked it up on the internet, and researched it. I looked at what it said, and was shocked at what I saw. I had all of the symptoms that it had stated. I thought that I may have it, so I took numerous online tests i.e, EQ, FQ, SQ, and SQR ect.) I looked at the diagnostic criteria as well. I was almost positive I had it. Now, just a day ago, my mother tapped my shoulder, and I was freaked out. She told me sshe was going to take me to the doctor to get it checked out. The only problem is, she is blaming me for this. She said she is going to tell them how I wear the same pants for 2 weeks in a row, and don't brush my hair, ect. But now, She is saying that it is just a behavioural problem, and my father saying he will send me to military school, but I don't see how any of this is my fault. The point is that I don't want to be misdiagnosed because my mother cannot except the facts.

Quit your whining. I answered that post as did a few others. Bitching like this is a fast way to get completely ignored.




The point is that you don't want to misdiagnosed for any reason. Which means you need to find a competent specialist in autistic disorders for your age group. You don't want to be erroneously diagnosed autistic in any more than you want to have autism missed as a core issue.

Did you write anything down like I suggested in your other thread?

Why would I write anything down? I could probably answer the questions, I basically don't want my mother answering for me. The point is that my mother does not want to believe it.

I don't know what to tell you other than to talk to your mom about it, if a diagnosis really is that important.

Fine. Crash and burn. If you know all the answers why are you asking us?

In a valid evaluation done by a specialist, her belief will not be necessary. They will ask her many questions about your early development but they want an accurate recall of what age you did certain things (like talk), not her interpretation of what it all means.

When my daughter was evaluated I was asked many, many questions about her development. Quite a lot of these questions were about infancy and toddlerhood: the kind of questions you wouldn't be abler to answer since you wouldn't know or remember. But at no point did they ask for my opinion on what she might have. The try as hard as they can to screen out parental bias. It isn't possible to do this entirely, but they do try to word the questions in such a way that a parent will answer them the same whether they believe the child is autistic or not.

Take the online tests, print out the answers. Keep a list of the things that you feel warrant the AS diagnosis. When your mother does take you for evaluation, hand the doctor your information and let him come to his own diagnosis. A regualr family doctor will quickly realize he is out of his depth if he is at all honest and will refer you to a specialist. Many adults are in denial. Accepting that there is something 'wrong' with their child feels like a condemnation of them as parents. Some professional intervention seems in order.

How old are you, gav? If you are over 13 and in the US public school system you can request an evaluation on your own.

No matter what you do, keeping a written inventory of all of your suspicions is invaluable because often, in interview, an Aspie cannot express themselves clearly or completely. A written list will say all the things you may not be able to. Also, any list you provide becomes an official part of your medical record. Ever hear of a 'paper trail'? Professionals are slaves to it- their entire system revolves around it. Even if the first Dr. is a total hack and dismisses it, make sure the list is in your file. It is considered 'evidence'.

I am 12, sorry for misleading. Sorry Wavefreak, its not that I know all of the answers, it is just that I do not want to upset my parents if this shall be the case. I would like an honest diagnosis, I just did not want my parents to sway it in any direction different from the doctor's evaluation. Wavefreak, I just don't want my parents to know that I am aware that i may have AS. I just do not want them to lie to the professional.

It is not so much that I am worried about them asking her, as it is that she would lie to them. Thanx for the answer anyways.

I'm feeling a little testy today. I thought you were a little older for some reason.

If you are 12 you are going to have some troubles just because older people all think they know better. This is a real good reason to write things down. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Make them put it on file. Ironically, if you obsess on the subject of autism and end up monologing on it, it is a demonstration of an aspie trait. If you have already beaten the horse to death and can counter everything they bring up, you're just showing the aspie tendency to hyper focus.

BUT ... since you are 12, the adults will immediately assume a position of authority. There is nothing you can do to prevent this. If you typically react to authority figures by freezing up and withdrawing (that's what I did at your age), you will not be able to communicate anything but the barest shreds of what you have researched. Then, if you haven't written it down, you will have nothing to offer. If you write it down and you freeze up, then hand it do them and say "Here. Read this."

How well have you researched this? If all you have done is taken online tests, they will immediately discount your opinion. If you can recite verbatim the DSV-IV TR criteria for pervasive developmental disorders and offer a point by point comparison with each criteria and specific events in you life then you will be much more likely to get their attention. If you don't know what the DSM-IV TR is, you haven't done enough research it impress an adult who "knows it all".

Sorry if I come on too strong. But I am a spectrum dweller, after all.

I am sorry if i sounded mean lol.


Anyways, yes I am familiar with the DSM-IV TR. I fit in the criteria as well. BTW, I do have obsessions, I am currently obsessed with Japan. I can speak a lot of Japanese.

Sorry if I was being rude, I didn't know.

No worries. It happens a lot around here.


If you fit the criteria, you should have SPECIFIC examples ready. You should also have some counter examples. Most people don't fit all the criteria and if you can honestly say something about one or two don't apply then it lends weight to your objectivity.

Good luck

same pants 2 weeks in a row? don't brush your hair regularly? ha sounds like me! I have PDD-NOS autism I am inbetween aspegers and Karener's autism myself at least with my form of pdd-NOS

I think you should read through this then have your mom read this it is an artical writen by a women named Samantha Driscole she has some experience with the autism spectrum

Challanges of raising and caring for autistic adults and children by Samantha Driscole

if your mother tells them you don't change your clothes or brush your hair it's not going to make much of a case against autism. they will ask her a million questions most of which she will have to answer with a number between 1 and 5. then more questions about how old you were when you started talking, ect. since your mother doesn't seem to be educated on the subject lieing isn't going to help her sway the results because she won't know which way to go with her answers. then they will take you in private and talk with you asking you questions about what you think. if your mother is agreeing to take you then that is probably a sign that she wants to know what is going on. she may not beleive it or want to admit that she sees anything wrong until there is proof from the doctor, especially if you are an only child and she has nothing to compare your developement to. she is probably trying to protect you by telling you nothing is wrong with you because she doesn't want you to give up trying thinking it's pointless if you're not NT. that doesn't mean she will lie about you or that she even wants to mess up the results.
as for the not taking care of hygene things, while it may be sensory based or just not caring about the social effects of not keeping up on these things it is also a behaviour thing.

I like the material of the pants lol. I never want to grow out of them.