Glazed

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Do many people on here (esp. if they suffer from mainly anxiety induced depression), ever feel as if there's a partition between what's going on around them & what they feel like. I mean with things like family parties, parenting school activities, social visits, work, relationships withpartner & acqualintances etc etc. Sometimes I feel as if 70-80%of my life is spent putting on a socially acceptable expression & stance (or trying to!) or catering to everyone elses' idea of fun socially. I do make allowances for myself, but as a wife & mother it's sometimes v.v.tough to cope. It's as if I'm riding on a train of hidiing my true self/emotions in order to pander to neurotypical social nonsenses.
The more I carry on, the more detached & glazed over I become till I have to cancel appts, etc, in order to 'refuel'. Also, with being a parent of a child with severe NLD/Mild (?!) Aspergers & being the same myself, I find people (including family) just think we're putting it all on & that it's my fault my daughter is this way (mainly on my paprtners' side of family).

Yes, whenever there is something celebratory going on, I sometimes speak in a monotone tone of voice because I don't know how to react.

Mullion, I am NT but have a similar reaction....I call it brain fog...I just go on "remote." I am currently being treated for depression, which seems to be pretty well under control (at least for now). My anxiety is not high, but when it is present, I forget even the most important things. Recently, it was the combination code to my car (while it was running w/ my purse inside).

I now carry a little notebook with me at all times and try to limit my commitments. It doesn't matter if it's a social/family event or work related. It's hell when you screw up the important things, yet can recall a trivial fact no one cares about. I wish I knew a way around this one....but I am beginning to suspect it's just a side effect of getting older.

Take care,
SheDevil

Can I ask Shedevil (it's not a critical question - more a curious one) why you choose to frequent Wrong Planet forum? Just interested.

YES....(see krex post in sociability and smiling and AS)I tyr to keep my life as simple as possible...no kids,no social groups,few obligations other then 40 hour work schedule(they resent that I dont want to come in on demand for over-time)I see my adoptive parents about once every 2 years and siblings, not at all(live in another state from everybody!)My boyfriend likes to isolate as much as me but I dont mind seeing his family once a year because they are so excepting of me...only social situation that can actually charge my batteries(in small doses)rather then drain me...

I have life long issues with depression and anxiety but much less if Im allowed to live my life based on my "selfish" personal likes and dislikes....I have no idea how people "schedule" their days around appts. and meetings and social "obligations"....I have a hard enough time calling to make my DR apt and actually not canceling it...takes all of my energy, just to do this much(and it has to have bad concequences if I dont, like running out of meds)Give yourself alot of credit!! !

Like wearing a mask...and you're screaming inside because you can't remove it. Then if you wear it well enough for one occasion...people can't understand why you can't do the same all the time.

It used to be easier when I was younger...now I'm not sure if it's age, other health issues, or just more on my plate...but it's harder to do and it leaves me physically and mentally drained some days.

Thanks so much for comments - it just gives me a little bit of strength to'carry on' with the tedium of life - though not really sure what it all is sometimes!

Mullion,
It's quite simple why I am here. Someone very important to me has been diagnosed as AS. Since, the dx, I have had the good fortune of meeting others with AS and have formed online friendships. I am actually considering trying to find a need in the AS community locally where I can volunteer.
SheDevil

You're welcome!