Lacking Compassion?

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We know that aspies tend to lack empathy mainly due to our inabilities to recognize the situation. I was wondering if there are aspies that lack compassion, like even if we recognize the situation, it'll either not affect us or affect a little? I realized recently that I lack compassion. Even when something is recognizable, I will literally not feel for that person unless Ive been thru a similar situation that had meant a lot to me.

You know how when someone dies, most people will feel something even if they dont know the person. When I was younger I had 3 grandparents and my uncle die when I was younger. I either didnt feel anything or felt very little, sure I didnt know them but they were my relatives. I did recognize at that age that death was seen as pretty tragic.

Sometimes I will recognize that a friend is feeling distressed over something, I learned that your suppose to comfort someone but its not something thats very natural. Like I wont be naturally be inclined to comfort, its cause Im suppose to. I dont know how I feel about this, its not good to be cold-hearted but Id honestly go completely nuts it I was compassionate due to my emotional instabilities as it is.

Anyone comments? Any1 relate?

I can relate 100%. I am not sure if I am an Aspie but I'm exactly like that. I can rationally understand that people are suffering and I will try rationally to find a solution to the problem to stop the suffering, but I don't normally "feel their pain." I get in trouble then for showing ways out of their misery while they just really want to whine... It seems to me that many people relish in their suffering. I can't relate to this at all.

I wouldn't say I am cold-hearted. There are a few people I do care a lot about.

Many people have told me that I am cold-hearted, though, because I have told them what I really think about some issues without adding any sugar coating (like "you don't really want to solve the problem, do you? You just want to talk about it over and over again.")

Telling what you really think will many times get you in trouble.So I have learned to lie and to fake some compassion. And I think it's the same with many other people out there. We are not alone.

Yes, sometimes there seems to be a disconnection between another person's suffering and me really understanding and feeling it. Sometimes there isn't. It's not that I cannot feel depths of another's suffering (I do sometimes) it just seems like the faculty is not easily accessible.

I can understand other people's pain intellectually but don't "feel" it except for when I see people being humiliated or like when I see images of people reacting to catastrophic loss such as a natural disaster or being oppressed. This kills me.

I can understand other people's pain intellectually but don't "feel" it except for when I see people being humiliated or like when I see images of people reacting to catastrophic loss such as a natural disaster or being oppressed. This kills me.

I don't know if anyone's ever figured out the percentages on that kind of thing. I certainly don't lack compassion, I have rather a lot of it.

Sometimes I cry at devastating news stories, and other times I feel detached and almost indifferent. But I think that overall I do feel sad and distraught over other people's suffering.

Yeah if its something extreme like devistation or someones limbs cut off just hanging all bloody then it'll envoke some kinda emotional responce, thats really it. I mean im quite an emotional person within myself but 99% its within me. I never understood for a long time why when I tell my problems to some people, they'd get emotionally wrapped up in it. In fact I often thought it was stupid. Its like why would you hate someone cause your friend does? I realized its that 1 person is feeling compassionate towards the others situations. I attempt to make up for my lack of actual compassion in trying to recognize distress in others and respond approprietely to the best of my abilities, which arent very high. I really do care a lot about people theoretical basis and I am concerned about issues of human suffering but it doesnt emotionally touch me or not that often.

As for devastating news stories such as the quake-tsunami in Japan, I'm hardly affected. If someone close to me dies, I'm more affected than ever. Seeing stuff on the news live (earthquakes, shootings, ect), I barely react like other girls do. They sigh/gasp in horror. I don't unless its more intense.

One time my class and I were watching footage and looking at pictures of 9/11 and they reacted more outwardly than I did (some featured a guy jumping out of a window, some with guys with blood on them, ect). I don't know if its because I'm not capable of emotion or if I need something stronger to trigger it. It's more the latter of the two because I might have a random outburst if I think of something really depressing and personal. Maybe it's because if it's not personal, it doesn't have a strong effect.

If I see a picture of a baby that's scrawny and starving, I feel sympathy for him/her, but I don't understand why people gasp. I know it's tragic, but why don't I react like that?

I can comprehend the situation of others, but except for close family members I do not permit my feelings for others cloud my judgement. I tend to stay detached and objective. That is not only by inclination but by choice as well.

Weeping for the pain of others does nothing to diminish their pain and it makes one's eyes burn.

It is better to offer some effective help than get all weepy and gooey.

ruveyn

Last edited by ruveyn on 27 Mar 2011, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't lack empathy. I lack the means of easily identifying when others are distressed. The moment I find out that someone is suffering, I can feel empathy just as strongly as anyone else.

I often tell people, "if you're in a bad mood, tell me. I won't know otherwise, and will probably piss you off even more."

Displaying empathy is another thing I find hard. You'd be surprised how difficult it is to figure out when a hug is appropriate, or when to try offering solutions as opposed to being silent and listening as they vent, or when a person just wants to be alone. Get the response wrong, and you can come across as unfeeling. Especially if it took a long time for you to identify that the other person was suffering, and respond.

Pretty much the only time I can absolutely identify if someone is in pain, is if I see blood. Everything else is a matter of conscious evaluation.

I'm the complete opposite. I have too much compassion for other people, and if I see minorities being mistreated, it brings tears to my brown eyes.

yeah I logically think its better to stay detached...but with some people, if you stay detached, it'll be perceived as insensative and cold hearted. Im honestly not into having huge crying pity parties. 1 person crying is enough not to say they shouldnt cry, cause we all need to release emotion. Ive been occationally accused of being insensative. But people who know me probably like to assume since Im so emotional within myself, Im also probably compassionate with others but I just dont always recognize feeling of distress. Not nessarily an accurate assumption but in a way its better then people assuming im a cold hearted b***h.