I don't understand. Help me out?

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Joined: 23 Mar 2012
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13 Aug 2012, 12:02 pm

So I have this friend/acquaintance who's a psychologist. She's one the few people I've talked to "in real life" about my issues (anxiety, suspecting I have AS etc). She said it's okay to email her if I've got any questions and things like that. So I've emailed her a few times. In the beginning she always answered my emails but lately she hasn't answered any of them. A few days ago I emailed her again. I was really anxious about things when I emailed her, but it wasn't a weird email or anything. Anyway, like I said, she hasn't been in touch with me for quite some time now and I'm starting to get worried. I worry that maybe she thinks I'm annoying or that she's tired of me. I worry that she might think I just want attention. I'm not seeking attention. I'm seeking answers. And she's the closest I've got to a professional right now.

Have a crossed some sort of line when it comes to "personal space" or something? How do you know when you've crossed the line? When she said it was okay to email her, did she not mean it? Am I stupid for worrying about something like this? I don't really understand.

TheSunAlsoRises
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13 Aug 2012, 12:21 pm

It depends on many factors BUT when someone initially extends a helping hand, use it sparingly or (as needed) until you build a rapport. One of the ways THAT you can recognize whether you are over extending your welcome, is IF reciprocation tapers off or ceases.

In other words, IF your phone calls and/or e-mails are not being returned.... when they once were.

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vortex
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13 Aug 2012, 12:26 pm

Okay, but I don't understand. Why would you offer your help but then not help out? It's not like I've emailed her 10 times a day. I think I've sent 3 emails in 2 months. Is that too much? I don't get it.

pastafarian
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13 Aug 2012, 12:37 pm

vortex wrote:

3 emails in 2 months doesn't sound like a lot. You think it was just 3?

"So I've emailed her a few times. In the beginning she always answered my emails but lately she hasn't answered any of them. "

So she answered 2 and hasn't answered 1? That doesn't sound like she's ignoring you. It could have arrived at a bad time when she had a lot of work or family stuff?

Did she give a full and helpful answer to the ones she answered?

vortex
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13 Aug 2012, 12:44 pm

pastafarian wrote:

Oh sorry, I just realised it was two emails and one thing in an app on my phone (chat) in two months. I don't think it's been more than that. She hasn't answered those two emails and what I wrote in the chat.

She answered emails before that and when she answered it was really helpful. But since we met "in real life" two months ago she hasn't really answered anything (it wasn't the first time I met her).

TheSunAlsoRises
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13 Aug 2012, 1:07 pm

vortex wrote:

Quote:

Sometimes, well often-times, people extend help as a simple courtesy and don't mind helping you out, now and again. YET, unless you are family and/or close friends(there is no guarantee here, either); people do NOT want to be pulled into a lot of drama. And, IF they see said DRAMA is going to be detrimental to their own well being then they limit or cease contact.

You got to have boundaries. Your dilemma could be anything from giving too much information too soon to for whatever reason said person simply decided NOT to be bothered.

Usually, there is a point in time when communication breaks down.....

TheSunAlsoRises

vortex
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13 Aug 2012, 1:12 pm

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:

So this is probably my fault then? s**t. What do you suggest I do? Not contact her again unless she contacts me first?

knowbody15
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13 Aug 2012, 1:20 pm

If it's two emails and a chat, that doesn't sound intrusive or inappropriate. Could the chat have fallen through the cracks somehow? She was buys, she didn't get the chat, etc?

if it were me, and I know how hard this can be, but maybe send her another email, specifically an email, with a specific question and some pleasantries, make it casual sounding....and see what happens...

it doesn't sound like a situation where you're over stepping imo...

SpiritBlooms
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13 Aug 2012, 1:23 pm

vortex wrote:

Maybe she was hoping that at some point you'd make an appointment and pay for her help? Depends on how well you know her, how close a friend she is. But a lot of professionals have a policy about free advice. If she's done a lot of answering already, maybe she thinks that's enough freebies.

vortex
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13 Aug 2012, 1:28 pm

knowbody15 wrote:

If it were me, and I know how hard this can be, but maybe send her another email, specifically an email, with a specific question and some pleasantries, make it casual sounding....and see what happens...

I don't think I can do that. That would make me even more anxious.

SpiritBlooms wrote:

No, I can't imagine she'd do something like that. We're "family" (she's my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend) and I just can't imagine she'd want me to pay when she knows what I'm going through. No. She wouldn't do that.

TheSunAlsoRises
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13 Aug 2012, 1:38 pm

vortex wrote:

Quote:

So this is probably my fault then? sh**. What do you suggest I do? Not contact her again unless she contacts me first?

It may NOT be your fault. It may simply be some sort of misunderstanding. Ask her how she has been doing and inquire about her. I would go, as far as to say, don't even ask her any questions that you may have concerning your problems.

I think knowbody15 has an excellent suggestion.

TheSunAlsoRises

vortex
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13 Aug 2012, 1:46 pm

TheSunAlsoRises wrote:

Well, I just remember I attempted something similar about a week ago. I got a postcard from her and her boyfriend (her boyfriend's my boyfriend's brother). It was her boyfriend who had written it. Anyway, I thought I'd try to write something to her that didn't have to do with me so I wrote "Hey. How are you? Thanks for the postcard! Looks like you had a nice road trip through Europe. Hope you're well!" She didn't answer that either.

CWA
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13 Aug 2012, 1:47 pm

Generally people like to be paid for doing their job. My guess is that she doesn't like giving out free advice or you've asked her something or said something that might cause her to bear some liability. An old "friend" of mine, in fact she was the maid of honor at my wedding, is now a psychiatrist. Even though I have these issues and my daughter has issues and she specializes in some of these said issues, I don't bug her. I haven't even mentioned it to her. She didn't spend 8 years in school and go head over heels into debt so she could give me free help and she would offer to help.

How much before the two emails and a sms did you contact her? It occurs to me that since SHE did offer to help that 2 emaisl is not all that much. Unless they were biblical in length.

vortex
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13 Aug 2012, 2:06 pm

CWA wrote:

I don't know how many emails we exchanged before then. A few. Quite long ones. I had questions, she answered them and gave me some advice etc.

Honestly, this situation makes me so frustrated I just hit my head. I don't mean to sound stupid but I really don't understand this whole thing. I really just wish people would say what they mean and mean what they say. I'm not a mind reader.

League_Girl
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13 Aug 2012, 2:24 pm

I also don't understand that if they know you are suspecting you have AS, how come they still don't say what they mean? Shouldn't they know to say what they mean because you may take them literal and also not misunderstand you by your mannerisms and behavior because it could be the Asperger's?

_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

TheSunAlsoRises
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13 Aug 2012, 2:59 pm

Well, it appears to me THAT she's avoiding you.

You have extended your hand out so there is not much you can do.

*See, you have to be careful when discussing personal business with family members,. Unfortunately, you get in to a lot of she said, he said, Bullsh*t

This results in misinformation and hurt feelings.

I'm not privy to your conservations and interactions so i do not know what went down.

BUT, just by reading the questions THAT you are asking, i think you know what's happening.

The Best of Luck,

TheSunAlsoRises

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