Why don't girls like being around me?

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Everytime I'm near a girl in class or I'm supposed to work with a girl they refuse to be near me and refuse to work with me.
I f*****g hate myself, maybe I should just kill myself and than no one can be around me. I'm just a scary looking loser....I really don't know why this happens but it really really hurts me inside. I feel dead. What is wrong with me?

it might be something as simple as hygiene, do you wash often? are you well kepted and groomed? That can be a big deal

Do you have an obvious "autisitc" thing like a slow or odd voice, or is it simply that you make inappropriate gestures and say things that bother people accidentally?

If you smell bad or something they'll just walk away and they won't tell you why. Take a shower every day and wash with the soap twice. This can be a bewildering problem because you think "I'm not ugly. Is there something else wrong with how I look?". I had the impression that looks are most of the basis of how people decide whether they like each other. There is something more to that, because it turns out that people also pay attention to whether you smell bad, too.

Last edited by sgrannel on 09 Apr 2011, 11:20 am, edited 3 times in total.

they may smell the stench of your hatred of yourself and not want to come near you.
people who hate themselves are ugly. they must be ugly or else they would not hate themselves.

life is long and it is yours and you should take ownership of who you are. if you leave your identity at the perilous whim of others then they will scramble it because they do not care.

be the boss of your existence without remorse. grow up and own everything in your life.

And sometimes they'll try to scramble it because they're malicious, but you don't want those ones anyway.

you are correct. malicious people have no concern as to a persons value. malicious people can not hurt me because i live in a shell from where i observe them as desperados. innocent animals are what i love. frenzied people are not my problem.

WEll I've been called ugly and that I scare people. That much makes sense.......It's the only explination because I shower almost everyday and always apply an appropriate amount of deoderant.

I also seem to have that effect. Personal hygiene is not the only cause, I think, but a good place to start with. Clothing is the other. Interesting, when I finally felt myself more comfortable around girls, they looked at me more as a friend, not as a man. This is more complex than the way I put it though. I become wiser in some aspects with time, that allures certain type of girls, but being able to exchange innuendo, feel like a man, show like a man is more than that. I still have to work around it a lot. Not sure I can. Have patience.

Dude! I'm an NT and chicks at school thought I was a dufus. There's plenty of reasons girls choose may not to talk to you
- personal hygiene
- dress sense
- money situation
- socio-economic demographic
- race
- religion
- personality (i.e. shyness)
- anxiety (they detect this from a mile away)\
- bad at sport
- hair style (also hygiene/dandruff issues here are a big turn off)
- lack of friends

It's the last one they sniff out quick....you can be a stinky but if your popular/rich then they wear a peg and don't mind.

Nice list. I almost certainly have ADHD and I likely have autism/Asperger's. I think I have acceptable hygiene (not sure), I'm often told that I'm very good-looking, I'm sure it's nothing about race/religion/money, I'm really good at sports and look athletic, I look very intelligent - too intelligent, actually, I do have friends, my obvious anxiety isn't showing up too often, and I can often repress it very well, so I turn out to be both really brave and a big coward. However, I've always been really awkward. So, my performance with girls has been awful - it won't be far from the truth if I say that I'm virgin, and that I had only one girlfriend that I kissed with, and it was when I was in the 11-15 age range.

Do you stare at people a lot? Many girls can be rather uncomfortable with that, especially if you're a large guy. Although to be honest, it really doesn't matter if "girls" like you or not. All you need is to find one girl who'll accept and love you, the rest of them don't matter to you personally. (And this one girl might be different, not "one of them" you know.) That is assuming you do crave an intimate relationship with a girl. If you don't then it really doesn't matter if any girls likes you at all.

It's not about talking to girls its about them not wanting to be anyway near me. Like for instance when I first started in my new school I was in the office and I sat like one seat away from this girl and she muttered something aggressively and moved way far away from me. Another instance is that we were standing by the door waiting for the bell to ring on Friday in my gym class and I was near this girl who gave me a funny look and she moved away from me. I overheard her saying something about me while looking me in the eye to another person.

This happens a lot. In my old school and my new school, so it isn't the people that are wrong -- it has to be me. But I dress properly, don't stare, and always shower. Even when I'm not talking to anybody they'll say that I'm weird.

Sounds exactly like how girls treated me when I was in school, and even after that for awhile. I would hear from third-party sources, that the girls were "afraid of me" (??????) I was frustrated and insulted at the same time, I guess. I knew there was no reason for ANYONE to be afraid of me, as I had not, and never have, done anything to cause that. It turns out that it most likely was the screwed-up body language. We don't walk or make the same eye contact, and we're just different. That raises an instinctive fear in the opposite sex, as in nature, it might be a threat. I'm 44 now, and when I get a chance, I'm going to talk with a woman who told a mutual friend of mine back when we were teens, that she was afraid of me. I'm curious to hear what she remembers, and maybe now she can offer some thoughts as to what might have helped at the time.... Maybe to know of my autism, or maybe just some reassurance of some kind. If I get any suggestions, I'll post.

Meantime, I know it can be a long haul, but trust me, you will wind up overcoming these problems. I did, and I was 100% sure I was destined to be a loner and single without friends or relationships for life.

Charles

And another thing, I'm always called the "weird kid with the glasses." And girls have been so rude as to not even want to sit behind me in the auditorium; "that kid with the glasses is weird.."

What the f**k is my problem? What is wrong with me? Am I to be alone forever and become a hermit inside my house and never make a single female friend? A little help here would be great.

That's exactly how it was for me. No glasses, but they made fun of my eyes.

I think it's easy to fall into a loop, where you think it's going to be impossible to "be normal", and that can make it impossible as long as you feel that way. There are 2 ideas I have: One is that maybe the particular girls you're talking about, aren't the ones you will be best at meeting. There is already a red flag that goes up when I hear that anyone is saying things to belittle or disrespect your feelings. You deserve better than that. There is probably one girl in the group who somehow doesn't go along with the others when they start up on you. That one, might see what's going on, and isn't strong enough to stand up to her friends, but she also knows she doesn't want to take part in the insults. If it works out that you can talk with her, and if it feels right, trust her with your situation, and maybe she will take you seriously and spread the word to the others that you really are OK. Just try to watch who is doing what, and you might see who is the "boss" of the group, and who the followers are.

I'm sorry if this sounds complicated, and it IS. I wish I were better at offering advice, but all I can do is share what did or didn't work for me.

Charles

My advice: Become so overwhelmingly good at something that girls (and guys for that matter) will have no choice but to be impressed. It may take a while, yes. It might only work if you make a bunch of money off of it too. But just think, all the crazy, freaky, weird people that are super successful in one field (and may be relativly powerful) usually start off thinking they're a freak. I think it all boils down to this: You just need time to grow.

(By the way, I noticed you have a Soul Eater picture as your avatar, Soul Eater rocks!)