introverts-guide-to-thinking-less-and-being-better

Post Reply New Topic

http://www.theemotionmachine.com/introv ... ing-better

More stuff about introversion. From my new favourite blog. Hope you all find it interesting and useful.

Hmm, I am an introvert but I feel like very little of the problem even applied to me.

that is fantastic though am not introvert/./

I always feel a little overwhelmed by ideas on how to improve myself. I end up feeling guilty for not trying harder. But this is not a criticism, and I do think the site has some very useful ideas. Now just to implement them....

Good site, thankyou

So basically what the article is saying is to use your introversion rather than let the potentially harmful effects take over, is that right? That seems reasonable, but I would still like to see far more articles telling extroverts about the benefits of going back into their shells- there is a marked anti-introversion bias in the existing literature.

This definition doesn't quite work for me... while I'm very disinvolved with the social world, the social world is only a small facet of the world, and I'm deeply engaged with the non-social parts of the world outside my head; I just keep my experience of that engagement largely inside my head. I would actually say that people who are heavily social are less engaged with the external world than people like me, as they focus on such a narrow area of life to the exclusion of much else.



Usually I'm not. It's hardly my fault if most conversation is less interesting than my own self-talk, is it?



I went through that stage a few years ago, and what brought me out of it was not becoming more extroverted, but the simple realisation that underneath all the differences between people, everyone is simply doing their best to survive.


I do all of the bolded things.


YES. I couldn't agree more. I walk every day and I always feel great during and after a long walk.


Good article.

You're welcome!



Ha, yes... I do see the unfair bias towards seeing extroversion as the better 'mode'. Maybe we could put something together on the subject of 'the benefits of introverting for exties'



That is an interesting distinction you make there, and I don't really know what to say to it. I know exactly what you mean though. People can be so busy socialising that they fail to notice the rest of the world happening around them. Maybe there's a valid distinction to be made there between externally and socially oriented and externally and, I suppose, experience oriented? Object oriented? I can't think of a good word.



Totally. I think learning to be interested in others is a skill in itself. I do notice how often I am bored by the conversations happening around me.



I'd be surprised if many introverts (and perhaps especially aspies) didn't go through a misanthropic phase. I spent a good chunk of my life there.



Maybe you should take up designing then, too.



The benefits of exercise came as a huge revelation to me when I discovered the existence of my body in my mid 20's.

*sigh*

I'm afraid I'm going to have to take issue with their definition of "introvert." I find that introversion is not a "preference," but an orientation. I don't interact with people because I find it exhausting, occasionally, even to the point where I become physically and mentally ill. This is something I do not "prefer." Add being extremely territorial with an aversion to intimacy, and you have my brand of "introversion." I avoid people for the same reason people with severe allergies avoid kittens and puppies.

Unfortunately, I think introversion gets misinterpreted as a person existing inside a happy bubble of solitude, blissfully free from social yearnings. That's nonsense. For those of us deeply introverted people who have to go to work every day, it's definitely not a walk in the proverbial park. After two weeks straight of 14-hour shifts, even on the weekends, it's no longer "fun" to be an introvert, especially when these kind of employment demands are kept up on a regular basis.

I sincerely wish I had a higher tolerance for social interaction. When the panic, depression, and suicidal ideations set in when you absolutely can't get any "me time," I'd trade my "solitude stamina" for some extrovert juice any day of the week.

I'd say that not wanting to be physically and mentally ill was a preference. Quite a strong one.

Your kind of introversion does sounds a lot more like a strong aversion to socialising, rather than merely preferring your own company.



There's no doubt that an extreme introvert isn't suited to 14 hour work days in a highly social environment. I would rather live under a bridge, cheers.

Were you the one I was talking to who was saying something like you could alter your basic MBTI profile at will?



Maybe there's a few things of value in the article that you can use to help. I hope you get what you want. Best wishes.

Ha, yes... I do see the unfair bias towards seeing extroversion as the better 'mode'. Maybe we could put something together on the subject of 'the benefits of introverting for exties' [/quote]

I did make a post some time back that changed an anti-introversion article into an anti-extroversion one, but I couldn't find it the last time I looked through my post history- when I get some time I might try to dig it up again.
If you ever make something up I'm sure I'd enjoy reading your efforts.




That is an interesting distinction you make there, and I don't really know what to say to it. I know exactly what you mean though. People can be so busy socialising that they fail to notice the rest of the world happening around them. Maybe there's a valid distinction to be made there between externally and socially oriented and externally and, I suppose, experience oriented? Object oriented? I can't think of a good word. [/quote]

Object oriented works quite well for me, albeit it makes me think of programming languages.
Hmm... autism, computer analogies; I've never heard those before...



Totally. I think learning to be interested in others is a skill in itself. I do notice how often I am bored by the conversations happening around me. [/quote]

But if I was interested in those around me, I'd have less time for other things. I prefer to associate with small numbers of people who I really like rather than exhausting myself by forcing myself to interested in larger numbers of people.



I'd be surprised if many introverts (and perhaps especially aspies) didn't go through a misanthropic phase. I spent a good chunk of my life there. [/quote]

I've moved on to "Ok, they are annoying and tedious for the most part, but they probably don't deserve to die in agony for it."




Maybe you should take up designing then, too. [/quote]

Perhaps.



The benefits of exercise came as a huge revelation to me when I discovered the existence of my body in my mid 20's.[/quote]

I have a tendency to forget that my body can do things other than transport my mind from place to place, but I've been good lately with exercise, and I am really noticing the benefits.

That's a distinction I have tried really hard to explain to a lot of people, but they still end up thinking that there's "the social world" and then "your inner world" and no such thing as, say, being heavily involved with the external world but not necessarily the social part. People have accused me of... almost being delusional or something, when I say that it's very hard for me to come out of my "native" way of dealing with the world (which is like an ongoing conversation between me and everything around me... at least that's the only words I know to describe it right now), and sort of compress myself so that instead of dealing with the huge amount of things going on in the rest of the world, I attend to humans and only to humans. It feels so uncomfortable I don't even know how to describe it. And people don't get that overall, the social world of humans is a very small part of the world, compared to the whole rest of the physical world out there. And so they think I'm condescending to them or something. But I'm not. It's just that it hurts to go from interacting with the many and varied things in the rest of the world, to interacting with humans and humans only. It feels like ripping myself away from something. Disconnected. Unpleasant. ...and then there's the true condescension of people who try to convince me that it's not possible to have a true interaction with objects, that they're not really "alive", etc. as if I didn't understand typical definitions of those things.

anbuend and Who_Am_I,

Hey guys, I'm the author of the article, and I definitely agree that my distinction between internal world and external world was a bit crude.

As an introvert, I certainly find myself very engaged with my surroundings, just not necessarily people. If I'm playing video games, or reading a book, or staring at the stars - sure I am doing these things in solitude - but they are all "external" things outside of my mind.

You guys are right that there is a bias that external = social. It is something I could've addressed in the article, but as you guys note, it can be a hard thing to explain to most people.

Cheers for taking the time to read and reply!

I'm very introverted. I think the difference between myself and extroverts is I'm not "pro-people-biased". I think it's one of the reasons why I can enjoy non-social stuff (like nature, non-human objects, internal thoughts/ideas) and understand it better on average than most extroverts. It's not so much that we are aversive to humans, it's just that we aren't as "addicted" to people/social interaction and that gives us the freedom to explore other stuff which can give us an advantage in such areas, I think? Maybe our senses are finely-tuned to pick up these subtle differences which is a big advantage with non-social stuff but with social-stuff, these fine gradations just become overwheling because of the complexity of social stuff. Anyway, that's how I feel. It's as is if my social module gets short-circuited easily, whereas with non-social stuff it works well because I can break it down into simpler components without being lost. With social stuff, it becomes a big mess leading to anxiety.

I'm not a fan of social activities.

Usually because I'm not on my own time. I am on someone elses. So I prefer more or less not to socialize because that means I get to leave at my own time, do as I please and not have to be on someone else's time.

I also don't like social activities because its just tiring and makes me sleepy.

If I had to choose any fun activity between:

1. Going to a party

2. Staying home

I'd stay home. So that way I get to do what I want, when I want and I'm not on someone else's time. I can only be outside and do things like party for about 30mins to 1hr. That's it. Then I'm done. That's my being out for the day.

Who am I also hits the nail on the head with their definition on how I view introversion and the world around me.

The article was much better than I expected from the title I'm not sure how thinking is bad, maybe it was referring more to over-analysing?

I'm always very confused to hear people talk about introversion as it's a personality or character flaw, maybe because there's no such bias in the background/culture I'm coming from. So I'm glad to see the author doesn't do it.

What I mostly don't understand is the assumption that introverts would benefit from more social interaction of any kind. Maybe I'm projecting - I always prefer quality over quantity so my social life might seem somewhat restricted but I'm very happy with it because I get to do things that I like with people I like. Indiscriminately looking for social interaction when it's boring or unchallenging stresses me and makes me much more "un-well". It's like choosing the self check option at the supermarket - the interaction with the cashier is superficial and rarely significant so I usually skip it. In time I came to realise how limited my resources are, if I make many small efforts in not very significant occasions I end up losing my disponibility and patience for those I really care about. It might sound selfish but I had to learn to manage my social and emotional resources in a way that shields my loved ones from the shutdowns I get from over-stimulation.

I'm also a bit thrown off by the "physical" aspect mentioned in the article - what's the connection with introversion? Maybe I'm projecting again but I've always been very physically active and it can be done without interacting with others if you don't want to.