"But you seem normal!"

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Bluefins
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12 Apr 2011, 5:48 am

"But you're not a drooling ret*d screaming & smearing feces!"

CrinklyCrustacean
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12 Apr 2011, 7:49 am

I have the condition mildly, but when I was at primary school I was still the textbook aspie (minus meltdowns). I take the comment as a compliment, not out of arrogance, but because it reminds me how far I've come to get where I am today. Learning how to interact in a normal way has been a long and difficult task, so it's very satisfying to hear that people consider me their social equal, rather than ridiculing and excluding me as they did at primary school. That said, I feel it is very obvious to anyone who knows anything much about the condition that I am an aspie. I can't hide it for long! :lol:

XLCR
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12 Apr 2011, 1:32 pm

I told a few people about my test results and possible conclusions from them and the reaction was, "What? no way! from most people, which I guess is pretty good. But after I talked about it a bit they seemed to see it. From that I would guess that everyone who knows me has always known I was a bit off, but never thought I was off enough to get that sort of label.

daydreamer84
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14 Apr 2011, 12:08 am

Phonic wrote:

daydreamer84 wrote:

Phonic wrote:

"You seem normal"

The operative word being seem, but no one who knows me well (exactly 3 people, two family, one therapist) have much doubt.

I much prefer these people to anyone else since people who know I'm am not "typical" let me do things like stim or talk to myself or arrange things in lines without making me feel bad about it, I find the worst people are not the ones who insist you're NT, but the ones who accept you're ASD and make you feel bad about some symptoms ("have you tried not being autistic?" :roll:

)

or, case in point, therapist who knows me well see's me arranging things at right angles and was smiling knowingly at it, sister see's it and think's im simply trying to mess.

The same with me.............those closest to me don't question it .......................and I'm much more comfortable around those who know of my condition and have accepted it.................When I tell new people (like a professor) and they deny it I always think they just don't know me well enough

Someone actually said to you "have you ever tried not being autistic"? :lol:

that's the most ignorant thing I ever heard.....so ignorant it's funny............I probably would have laughed in their face. I have had people say things like "you just need to go out more.........you just need more practice socializing" :roll:

lol no someone didn't actually say this, it's a reference to how people sometimes say to homosexuals "have you tried not being gay?" or in X men the parents of a mutant say "have you tried not being a monster?", I just twisted it a bit

edit: conundrum recognised it, well done

oops Okay I understand what you mean. I guess I took that too literally :oops:

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14 Apr 2011, 7:50 am

I saw the evil weeble the other day.

I've decided that I'm going to have two answers ready for people who say I seem 'normal'
-For people who are genuinely okay I'll say "I put a lot of effort in to fitting in, but it is difficult, and sometimes I can't"
-For people who aren't so nice I'll say "Yup, I might seem normal, but then you seem human so looks can be deceiving"

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14 Apr 2011, 8:19 am

Alycat wrote:

I saw the evil weeble the other day.
I've decided that I'm going to have two answers ready for people who say I seem 'normal
-For people who aren't so nice I'll say "Yup, I might seem normal, but then you seem human so looks can be deceiving"

Excellent answer, I'm gona use that one.

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MudandStars
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14 Apr 2011, 8:32 am

the best response I got was a lady with an AS foster son who said "I didn't know girls could have it"

I find people don't really have a middle ground response it's either "no way / that's rubbish / I never would have thought" or "wow, that' like explains EVERYTHING."

don't really tend to tell ppl much tho so don't have a huge sample size to go by

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izzeme
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14 Apr 2011, 9:04 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

exactly how i think about this (except for the 'mildly', in my case).
a few weeks ago when we got a new housemate; the topic came up quite early, so i told her about my AS, her response being "really? i thought you were just shy".
the fact that right after she told me she has/had a close friend who also was AS strengthened me quite a bit in my believe in my ability to join the NT world; since someone with quite extencive knowledge of the condition didn't recognise it in me.

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14 Apr 2011, 9:34 am

Meow101 wrote:

Maybe I'm just cynical, but to me NTs who say these things just "want" us to be able to change. If we're autistic, we can't change to suit them. If we're "just weird" then they can get on us to be different in a way that suits them.

I'm not in a very good mood. Can anyone tell?

~Kate

I agree. I also think it's possible that one of the reasons some people are dismissive of AS because they want to feel better about themselves. I mean if someone accepts that you're autistic and still laughs at your "weirdness" that makes them look bad because it's not nice to laugh at "disabled". But if the same someone will believe that you're "normal" then it's OK to laugh at you because you're just weird or silly or clueless.
I guess I'm very cynical when it comes to some people... Bad experience...

conundrum
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14 Apr 2011, 1:42 pm

keira wrote:

Meow101 wrote:

^ This.

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redwulf25_ci
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14 Apr 2011, 2:37 pm

conundrum wrote:

daydreamer84 wrote:

Someone actually said to you "have you ever tried not being autistic"? :lol:

that's the most ignorant thing I ever heard.....so ignorant it's funny............I probably would have laughed in their face.

About as ignorant as this: "Have You Tried Not Being A Monster?"

(And no, I am NOT equating having autism with "being a monster", but I think the metaphor fits, sadly enough.)

I'm a monster though!

draelynn
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14 Apr 2011, 2:52 pm

Honestly, what exactly do people think of autism and Asperger's to generte that sort of reaction. Next time I see it or hear it, I'm going to ask.

"I'm normal? So, what exactly does abnormal look like?"

I think the answers should be interesting. Lots of fumbling for words, I'm sure.

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14 Apr 2011, 2:59 pm

The question you have to ask yourself ultimately is the opinion of the person i'm speaking too that important. The chances are probably not, leave them to their misguided attempt at paying you a ill judged compliment that isn't very helpful.

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kittenkat1981
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14 Apr 2011, 3:01 pm

wavefreak58 wrote:

rabidmonkey4262 wrote:

Thank the person. It's their way of saying you successfully adapted to the rest of the world. That's what every self-respecting aspie hopes to achieve, and it means you have the mental willpower to accomplish things.

This is true only some of the time. When the person saying it has no knowledge of autism, they may simply be assuming that because you don't drool and moan you really aren't autistic and are just making excuses for your troubles.

It is also a pretty big assumption that all self-respecting aspies wish to pass as NT. My take on that is that self respect has little to do with passing yourself as something you are not. It is possible to be quite autistic in appearance and still be content. Self respect has as more to do with what you believe about yourself than what others believe about you.

As someone who spent junior high and high school trying and failing to fit in (before the diagnosis) I actually find it kind of degrading to have to conform to others' version of normal in order to be liked. If people don't like you for who you are, then they aren't worth changing for.

conundrum
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14 Apr 2011, 5:53 pm

kittenkat1981 wrote:

wavefreak58 wrote:

rabidmonkey4262 wrote:

As someone who spent junior high and high school trying and failing to fit in (before the diagnosis) I actually find it kind of degrading to have to conform to others' version of normal in order to be liked. If people don't like you for who you are, then they aren't worth changing for.

^ +100!

anon77
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14 Apr 2011, 11:45 pm

I get it pretty often when I tell people, I personally see it as a good sign; that your adjusting well, and do not seem so different as you might feel.

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