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lvpin
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08 Apr 2020, 11:31 pm

I'm sure for those of you who have seen my previous posts it becomes quite clear that I am a very emotionally intense person and I'm sure given the fact I'm in college it makes even more sense but in general I have always felt things more than other people, good and bad. I feel this is important to note before I go on.

I remember reading a few really old threads on the topic of hyperfixating on people and I still want to learn more, but there isn't anything very recent. Personally, I can hyperfixate on someone whether or not any romantic feelings are attached. I will think about said person almost constantly and want to learn everything about them. Even when they are crushes, because they aren't always, my main objective is merely to be around them and learn as much as possible. They become fascinating in the same way that for example, psychology is for me. My brain already is a sponge for details about others but with them this is somehow heightened to the point I realise speech patterns, mannerisms and patterns in what I observe them do in my presence. I do however know what boundaries are and don't cross them when it comes to these feelings because that would be wrong.

The issue is that unlike my usual special interests in subjects, one's on people I have contact with don't fade quickly and become incredibly intense. I think the longest lasted 3 years before fizzling out. It usually wrecks havoc on my mental health as I put them on a ridiculously high pedestal and idolise them, trying to emulate the things that I see in them that are positive and I therefore lack.

Do you guys ever hyper fixate on people and what are your experiences, ways of dealing with it? This obsessive part of me really fuels my self hatred and it would be really nice to see that I'm not alone.



Velorum
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08 Apr 2020, 11:53 pm

I can identify with this to a certain extent.

For me its rarely been about emotional or physical attraction. Its more linked to my fascination with behaviour, the greater the difference from my 'norm' then the more I am interested. I will often fixate on a person until I feel that I have figured out why they behave the way that they do - when I do this it feels like I am thinking about them most of the time. As soon as I feel that I have gotten as far as I can I then move on very quickly.

A few years back I had a colleague who was also fascinated in why people behave the way they do and would often discuss this with me. They commented that I sometimes seemed unworldly, like an alien carrying out field research. This made me laugh but I have to admit that I do feel like a stranger in a strange land most of the time.


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Dear_one
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09 Apr 2020, 3:51 am

I have a few heroes, but I've never tried to dig out extra information about them, just their work. I consider others to be essentially unknowable, except through rare moments of ESP. This is partly because I'm mostly logical, and was deliberately stunted emotionally.
I would also have troubles over invading privacy, and wasting my own time. It has taken over 60 years just to get to know myself.



zenaspie
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09 Apr 2020, 10:17 pm

I do! Mainly if they’re love interests but I usually do it to random people too. I was in a photography contest a while ago and I met this Italian girl whom I still have on social media and check her page and analyze her posts and her style. Back then when we met I was so fixated on her. She wasn’t bizarre or anything, just something that made me curious. Sometimes I also try to observe my crushes’s exes or new girlfriends, mainly to self loath or check what type of people he likes. I collect too much information :lol: Not going to harass anyone tho or do something illegal tho



blooiejagwa
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09 Apr 2020, 10:24 pm

I do this too... That's one reason I tried to be aloof and avoid even ppl who called themselves my friends and who I thought of as friends too..
If i got too much of their company i knew id fixate.
It's not a romantic thing if that's what NTs wd think (i think that is the main time they fixate on someone)... It's just my brain.

A good way to deflect those thoyfhts n try and snap out of the spiral... Is trying to learn aboyt ppl (historical or current) like poets... artists or musicians ..scientists..world leaders...writers... Etc

I did that all my life if I obsess over ppl itslike a counter. It's a reflex but now I realize why my mind does that..

It becomes healthier and u learn something beneficial too. And learn about the world that way. Sometimes from many angles (eg different ppl writing about them... Their journals and writing or work.. Other ppl related to them like friends colleagues or family..)
And u learn about the topic overall that they are relevant to ( history, literature, etc)


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lvpin
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09 Apr 2020, 10:44 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
I do this too... That's one reason I tried to be aloof and avoid even ppl who called themselves my friends and who I thought of as friends too..
If i got too much of their company i knew id fixate.
It's not a romantic thing if that's what NTs wd think (i think that is the main time they fixate on someone)... It's just my brain.

A good way to deflect those thoyfhts n try and snap out of the spiral... Is trying to learn aboyt ppl (historical or current) like poets... artists or musicians ..scientists..world leaders...writers... Etc

I did that all my life if I obsess over ppl itslike a counter. It's a reflex but now I realize why my mind does that..

It becomes healthier and u learn something beneficial too. And learn about the world that way. Sometimes from many angles (eg different ppl writing about them... Their journals and writing or work.. Other ppl related to them like friends colleagues or family..)
And u learn about the topic overall that they are relevant to ( history, literature, etc)


Ooo! I think that might actually help a lot because it doesn't necessarily have to be people I know who I hyper fixate on and I love learning. I at one point was completely obsessed with the character of Sherlock Holmes and that lead me down some very interesting paths of research. Thank you.

Also I tend to find if it is someone I know and I reach the "goal" if that is the right way of phrasing it, it tends to calm down a little and turn into more of a very intense friendship. It don't always get to though as this hyperfixation is often actually a hindrance. It was interesting to read your experience.



lvpin
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09 Apr 2020, 10:49 pm

zenaspie wrote:
I do! Mainly if they’re love interests but I usually do it to random people too. I was in a photography contest a while ago and I met this Italian girl whom I still have on social media and check her page and analyze her posts and her style. Back then when we met I was so fixated on her. She wasn’t bizarre or anything, just something that made me curious. Sometimes I also try to observe my crushes’s exes or new girlfriends, mainly to self loath or check what type of people he likes. I collect too much information :lol: Not going to harass anyone tho or do something illegal tho


I remember once finding out someone I was hyperfixated on had a crush on this model and then ended up hyperfixating on her for ages because for some reason she fascinated me. I often repeatedly watch content from people over and over. I think repetition makes me happy. I can't quite tell exactly what it is that makes me obsess over someone though, especially as it can have romantic elements or completely lack them at other points but still look the same to the outsider. Idk if personally having them on social media helps or harms in my case, I realised the pattern in which they engage with my content so every time it changes I sort of panic. Oh to have an anxiety disorder :)



zenaspie
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10 Apr 2020, 10:10 am

lvpin wrote:
zenaspie wrote:
I do! Mainly if they’re love interests but I usually do it to random people too. I was in a photography contest a while ago and I met this Italian girl whom I still have on social media and check her page and analyze her posts and her style. Back then when we met I was so fixated on her. She wasn’t bizarre or anything, just something that made me curious. Sometimes I also try to observe my crushes’s exes or new girlfriends, mainly to self loath or check what type of people he likes. I collect too much information :lol: Not going to harass anyone tho or do something illegal tho


I remember once finding out someone I was hyperfixated on had a crush on this model and then ended up hyperfixating on her for ages because for some reason she fascinated me. I often repeatedly watch content from people over and over. I think repetition makes me happy. I can't quite tell exactly what it is that makes me obsess over someone though, especially as it can have romantic elements or completely lack them at other points but still look the same to the outsider. Idk if personally having them on social media helps or harms in my case, I realised the pattern in which they engage with my content so every time it changes I sort of panic. Oh to have an anxiety disorder :)


I feel you on that :D the reason we hyperfixate will be a mystery, I notice the pattern that most of them are foreigners, I kinda want to escape from my small town so I drive my thoughts away, I notice all the fun stuff they do abroad and I think to myself maybe if I move away all the aspergerness and all my anxiety will vanish.



graceksjp
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10 Apr 2020, 1:18 pm

I kinda do that?
So I get, like, hyperfixated on celebrities.
For example, I'll become absolutely obsessed with a specific actor. Now Ive got to watch everything they've been in and track down every interview and stalk their social media etc etc. But it only lasts for a few months. Then I move on to something or someone else.
Like, once I got so hooked on Rihanna I had a playlist of only her songs I listened to and I watched absolutely everything she was in from Youtube interviews to movie cameos (like I paid for the whole movie to watch her 5 second clip)

It's different from just celebrities I happen to like. Like, I'm a fan of Scarlett Johansson because she plays my favorite superhero (black widow and no, I'm still not over the fact that the release dates been pushed back) but I don't really watch what she's in unless I actively am interested in the movie as a whole. And I watch some of her funnier interviews but I'm not obsessed with her. Plus Ive been her fan since I was 12. Ever since my Rihanna phase passed, I've barely so much as liked her Instagram posts.

I have on occasion been hyperfixated on actual people in my life. but its rare. and it was mostly when I was younger. and in hindsight there's a good chance it was because i had a mild crush on them and didn't know it or know how to express it


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lvpin
Deinonychus
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10 Apr 2020, 2:15 pm

graceksjp wrote:
I kinda do that?
So I get, like, hyperfixated on celebrities.
For example, I'll become absolutely obsessed with a specific actor. Now Ive got to watch everything they've been in and track down every interview and stalk their social media etc etc. But it only lasts for a few months. Then I move on to something or someone else.
Like, once I got so hooked on Rihanna I had a playlist of only her songs I listened to and I watched absolutely everything she was in from Youtube interviews to movie cameos (like I paid for the whole movie to watch her 5 second clip)

It's different from just celebrities I happen to like. Like, I'm a fan of Scarlett Johansson because she plays my favorite superhero (black widow and no, I'm still not over the fact that the release dates been pushed back) but I don't really watch what she's in unless I actively am interested in the movie as a whole. And I watch some of her funnier interviews but I'm not obsessed with her. Plus Ive been her fan since I was 12. Ever since my Rihanna phase passed, I've barely so much as liked her Instagram posts.

I have on occasion been hyperfixated on actual people in my life. but its rare. and it was mostly when I was younger. and in hindsight there's a good chance it was because i had a mild crush on them and didn't know it or know how to express it


Your description of your Rhianna phase sounds exactly like my Tom Hiddelston and Sebastian Stan ones. Both occurred when I was a huge fan of the marvel universe. I still like it now but before I was way more into it. In my Tom Hiddleston obsession I even went out of my way to watch him in a play.



graceksjp
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10 Apr 2020, 10:22 pm

lvpin wrote:
Your description of your Rhianna phase sounds exactly like my Tom Hiddelston and Sebastian Stan ones. Both occurred when I was a huge fan of the marvel universe. I still like it now but before I was way more into it. In my Tom Hiddleston obsession I even went out of my way to watch him in a play.


Well at least you have taste! Who wouldn't want to see Tom Hiddleston?:lol:
(I'm a HUGE marvel nerd lol)


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