My sister is late and it's driving me crazy

Post Reply New Topic

I don't drive, so my sister is coming to pick me up to go visit my parents. When we discussed what time she was coming, she said 1-ish.

The ish drives me crazy. Tell me exactly what time you're coming, and come at that time.

She also said she'd text me when she was leaving her place, which would give me an hour's warning. Well, 12:40 comes along and she hasn't texted yet. Since she said 1(ish) I texted her to see if she was almost here and just forgot to text me.

She answered that she'll be leaving in half an hour, and condescendingly reminded me that "I said I'd text when I left, remember?"

This is throwing off my entire day. It's not ruining any big plans, but the anxiety over not knowing when she's going to get here is driving me nuts.

When I'm going somewhere, I tell the person what time I'll be arriving, and I arrive exactly on time. Even if it means leaving early and then walking around alone until it's exactly time to meet the person.

It also makes me frustrated that she'd throw in that little "remember?" Yes I remember you telling me you'd text when you were leaving. But you also said you'd be here around 1. What was I supposed to think?

Just venting. Is there any way to loosen this need to know exactly when everything is happening?

If I knew, I'd tell you. I struggle a lot with this too.

I need to know exactly when something is happening otherwise I experience a great deal of anxiety. If we make plans for 6, I expect you to be there at 6.

My husband's family is very good at this it gives me anxiety. I decided I am done looking forward to them coming over because they slack off. They say the time but they don't leave at that time or they say they are leaving but then it turns out they never left. They say when they be over and they aren't over. My husband told me most people don't get that upset but to me it's so rude to do that.

I deal with it by not taking them seriously and I do my own plans to keep calm. They are my second plans for when they do come. If I have plans for that day outside of my apartment, I tell them that and say "No show, I am doing what I planned because I will not be having anxiety and being anxious all day wondering when they be there."

To me 1ish can mean 12:50 or 1:20, between there. I know anytime that time she be there. Of course I don't ever expect people to be here on the nose because that is so impossible. You never know how bad traffic be and if you don't drive much in the city, you are going to have a hard time judging traffic and timing when you leave. I do expect people to call if they are going to be more than a few minutes late or else I call them if I know their number. You never know if something happened like if they got stuck in traffic or they lost something at home and they had to look for it such as their car keys or wallet or purse.

2:15 and she's still not here. And she didn't text when she left.

Geez


I never understand when someone says, I'll be with you in 5 minutes (or whatever time increment). Always, I think they mean it! They don't.....in fact, "5 minutes," for them, can be any indeterminate amount of time. Am I supposed to guess?!? Why cannot they just say when....and stick to it. That being said, I totally understand if there is a complication and is therefore late. Otherwise, geez.

So what does "ish" mean?

Okay that is annoying, I'd call her right now.

I think for a lot of people "ish" means "when ever I decided to turn up"!

I hate it too though. If you want to met at 3 fine, if you want to met me at 5 fine ; but don't say see you at 3 'ish' and then turn up at 5!

If I'm going to be more than 10 mins late, for what ever reason, I let people know and don't think its too much to expect the same in return.

I assume "ish" means around there. That could be ten minutes before till or ten minutes after the time. Anywhere between those times.

My parents do this all time when they go out at night. They've been pretty good the last couple of times, they always tell me that they will call me when they leave the place they are at. They do, but it's sometimes a lot later than they expect. Like once, they thought they would home at 9:30 and they weren't home until 11:30. Another time they said they would be home at 10:30 and they were home at 11:30. They said "we said around 10:30 and it was" when I told them about it.

I once heard that people are like this because of different attitudes to time. Some people feel that showing up on time is important because it shows respect for other people and their time. Other people feel that by treating time as unimportant you are being flexible and giving everyone the space they need and not rushing them.

It also varies by culture. In China I once had a girl cancel a date 3 hours after she was supposed to arrive. From that point on my solution was to always do my own thing, and then invite others to do it with me if they seemed interested. That way if they don't turn up I havn't lost anything. And if they do turn up they can sit and watch me do pullups. So romantic.

I bother my friends and family about getting a better approximation of when something they said will happen, then ask for updates when I notice that the timetable set out originally doesn't seem like it will be met. They are used to it by now but sometimes they get annoyed or think I'm trying to express that I am upset. More than anything it is me seeing that information I have doesn't appear to be correct and then I want an update so I can reevaluate. I myself get caught up in things and end up being later than I intended or specified, I am a polite person though and always text or call to say what happened and what time I will be able to get there. Even if it's not important to the person I am visiting and they are fine with me stopping by whenever, I'd rather give an update to them so that I know I gave the most truthful and helpful answer I could.

Being imprecise, is, in a sense, a form of lying.

I deal with that by saying "Ok, but if you aren't here by x time, I'm going out." Then I make a point of going out.
It's not that hard to read your watch and be specific. I'm not going to waste an entire day watching out for someone's arrival and not being able to start anything in case they turn up and disrupt it. It's rude for people to expect others to put their day on hold for them.

The time limit for ish is to me +/- 20 mins. Past that, you call/text to let me know if it's a once off and you're just running a bit late. I mean, people who tell me they'll be by 8ish and then they show up at 10 and their reason was that they were talking to their friend and couldn't get away, yeah, not even texting me - kinda... rude. Not as rude though as friends not showing up at all, not calling me, not answering their phone, and telling me when I finally got hold of them the next day that oh, no, they already did what we had scheduled with their friend (what am I then, chopped liver?) two days ago and they had so much fun but don't want to go again. And I'm the one with the problem in social skills?

If it's a matter of +/- 1-2 hours, you don't use ish IMO, you say sometime between x and y. That way it's a potentially long enough period that I'll just watch movies, or play games, or browse message boards and not even bother thinking about or scheduling for them showing up. If they can't give me a better time than that, the onus of waiting (for me to get dressed/ready) once they decide to show up should fall on them. Then again, I'm told I'm pretty flexible on time schedules. It's unexpected or sudden location changes that will really get my blood boiling.