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JWS
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26 Apr 2011, 1:46 pm

Who often show unrealistic expectations for their Asperger spouses?
Just wondering whether or not I have any company? :? :)

And I mean (by unrealistic) expecting really quick thinking (spur of the moment) from you? Or maybe wanting you to constantly try new things? (which I know is usually hard for Aspies, Auties)

Don't get me wrong; I really love her, but sometimes she so HARD to talk to or to interact with.



League_Girl
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26 Apr 2011, 2:01 pm

No. Mine's good.



mikey1138
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26 Apr 2011, 2:51 pm

My NT wife is leaving me... mainly due to the alexithymia in concert with my AS. She is very needy emotionally and regardless how hard I try, I'm too ill-equipped to get through to her exactly how much, in fact, I love her. She's laid out, in plain language, exactly how she needs to be shown she's loved, but even when I get into a good routine of demonstrating love in the exact ways she wants, I guess it still comes off as forced or insincere on my part. She says I'm just going through the motions. We've been together nearly ten years and my AS was just dx'ed a year ago, which had raised my hopes that we'd be better equipped to resolve our marital issues with this new found understanding of my weaknesses. But now, I think she's just accepted that I am too incompatible of a partner for her to ever find happiness with me. She knows I love her, but love is definitely not enough to make a marriage work.



sepia
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26 Apr 2011, 3:38 pm

JWS wrote:
Who often show unrealistic expectations for their Asperger spouses?
Just wondering whether or not I have any company? :? :)

And I mean (by unrealistic) expecting really quick thinking (spur of the moment) from you? Or maybe wanting you to constantly try new things? (which I know is usually hard for Aspies, Auties)

Don't get me wrong; I really love her, but sometimes she so HARD to talk to or to interact with.


Yeah, I find this sometimes... I feel under alot of pressure to fulfil certain social roles (normal things like going out in crowds or for long periods around friends).
My bf does try pretty hard though and it helps him a lot, if I can anticipate stressful situations and suggest an alternative way to do something that will make me feel less stressed.
Actually, I know I am pretty lucky

@ mikey - i am sorry to hear you guys have come to that point :(



samuraiBSD
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26 Apr 2011, 3:44 pm

JWS wrote:
Who often show unrealistic expectations for their Asperger spouses?
Just wondering whether or not I have any company? :? :)

And I mean (by unrealistic) expecting really quick thinking (spur of the moment) from you? Or maybe wanting you to constantly try new things? (which I know is usually hard for Aspies, Auties)

Don't get me wrong; I really love her, but sometimes she so HARD to talk to or to interact with.


Not my spouse (yet) but my significant other.

Yeah, sometimes it's tough. He likes me to emote more, and I just don't outwardly show it enough for him sometimes. He also wants me to try new things, meet new people and just be more social in general. We work through it, though. In a lot of ways, it's helped me to have someone like this in my life, so I think it works. I give him order, he gives me chaos, resistant as I may often be to it. It's a pretty good balance, in the long run.



Conspicuous
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26 Apr 2011, 7:40 pm

Oddly, I have the opposite problems sometimes with my NT girlfriend of 5 years. For example, I'm the one who loves trying new things, but she hates it. For the most part, though, she and I work very well together because she is the only person in the world I've ever found who loves my insane aspie sense of humor.

We do have our little bouts when it comes to my rigidity in habits. If she so much as moves my keys from their spot, I tend to get quite upset, but she still hasn't learned how to put things back into their spots. She also never remembers to put the toilet lid down (the dog will drink out of it).

By and large, I think my mindset of liking new things (hey, hypersensitivity doesn't have to be unpleasant) helps alleviate a lot of the potential aspie/NT problems.



guywithAS
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26 Apr 2011, 8:25 pm

mikey1138 wrote:
My NT wife is leaving me... mainly due to the alexithymia in concert with my AS. She is very needy emotionally and regardless how hard I try, I'm too ill-equipped to get through to her exactly how much, in fact, I love her. She's laid out, in plain language, exactly how she needs to be shown she's loved, but even when I get into a good routine of demonstrating love in the exact ways she wants, I guess it still comes off as forced or insincere on my part. She says I'm just going through the motions. We've been together nearly ten years and my AS was just dx'ed a year ago, which had raised my hopes that we'd be better equipped to resolve our marital issues with this new found understanding of my weaknesses. But now, I think she's just accepted that I am too incompatible of a partner for her to ever find happiness with me. She knows I love her, but love is definitely not enough to make a marriage work.


mikey i am so sorry.. what you wrote is my biggest fear and its happening to you... at least maybe you can find ways to work around this and lead a happier life which is more fulfilling for you



JWS
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26 Apr 2011, 8:40 pm

I am glad to hear that several of you are doing well with your spouse/significant other. Count yourselves blessed! :D
Yesterday was one of our worst arguments, ever, but today was actually one of our best days probably in months.
She actually has been good for me in many ways, and I can get overstressed and forget that.
I pray a lot, and I am sure THAT helps our marriage!

Mikey1138, I'm sorry to hear about your rough ending. :( I hate to think about someone with our limitations having problems like that simply because we are what we are.



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26 Apr 2011, 8:54 pm

My live-in SO doesn't get how badly he pushes my buttons. He'll go on and on being a smart ass, making horribly annoying sounds, and teasing me to the point I just want him to go far away. His response? "What? What?" I tell him and he still doesn't get it. He thinks I'm just being uptight. I wish I had another Aspie who lived near me and could show him that it isn't just me, you know?