Can you "feel" an emotional connection w/ someone?

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Yeah, I can receive a torrent of emotional/etc. information from a person/people (until the fuse blows), but I can't communicate it back or use it in an interactive way. It's a very one-way kind of thing.

There was an almost-exception, once, though. There was an autistic person I seemed to be able to read in a certain way (not like x-ray vision, but in an uncanny/unusual way), where I could see how that information could be used to modulate interacting with them. Or, at least, I think so. I was having problems at the time, though, and didn't get to see if it would work.

I didn´t mean to meander, or be "icky", I was only explaining what, to me, a connection is. This is the best I can understand what I think you are trying to ask. And yes, sometimes I think whatever I´m feeling is being "mirrored" by the other person- (I wasn´t only talking about romance here by the way, I was also meaning friendships, family, whatever)- however, my guess that they are "connecting" too is based mostly on my observation of their reaction to me.



I have no idea what you mean by an "emotional trance", or "my changes reflect in their changes" (?).....so, I guess not.....

Aside from that, I have felt that I was "on the same wavelength" as other people, and that we really had a special rapport, or what I thought was a connection. But, in several cases, those people abandoned me, or betrayed me, and I found out it was never even a *real* connection in the first place. So, who knows....how can you ever *really* know what someone else is feeling, or on what emotional wavelength they´re on? Maybe what´s being "reflected" is only something that´s coming from you?

The word "reflect" was poor wording on my part -- I meant something like "My changes mirrors their changes", and those "changes" relate to the emotional "vibe" present (Usually something like one of comfort or happiness or some other positive emotion -- you can also mirror the negative emotions, but many usually don't stick around for long!), and the tonality, facial expressions and general "way of thinking"/"way of speaking".



That's a good word for it -- "In the moment rapport". But, yeah, it's a situational phenomenon so it's quite possible for the person to *really* be thinking something else (In the case they're deceiving you) or to change their minds after the situation / encounter.

I make those kinds of connections extremely rarely, and if they get severed by the other person or by circumstances I have a very hard time with it, almost to the point of physical pain. It happened last July and I'm still not over it by a long shot. I almost don't want to make deep connections at all because of what happens to me when they get broken.

~Kate

I wished to share with you all a section
from a book I wrote on empathy, as
I feel that it will connect
with others on this most deeply of
interetsing issues.

Empathy

understanding of another's feelings: the ability to identify with and understand somebody else's feelings or difficulties.

- ORIGIN Greek empatheia, from pathos ‘feeling’.


"Empathy is not defined as feeling the same as another (that’s co-dependency), but rather the ability to hear what another is saying and to tell them that you heard." - Parrish S. Knight

"Emotional empathy means you can be attuned to another's inner-emotional world, understanding another's experiences by linking them to your own. Natural empathy does not require this, for it is a deep emotional resonance and compassionate reaching out to the other, without the need for such emotional linking and achieved without any significant loss of self." - Christopher Goodchild

"I did not know how to reach him, how to catch up with him... The land of tears is so mysterious."
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (The Little Prince)

"The use of imaginative fiction is to deepen your understanding of your world, and your fellow men, and your own feelings, and your destiny."
— Ursula K. Le Guin (The Language of the Night)

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution."- Kahlil Gibran

"I always thought he was so clever, the way he could put himself in other people's shoes........i didn't realise he was talking about himself." -
Steven Morris on the death of Ian Curtis from Joy Division

You have experienced enormous loss as well as great human tragedy in your life. Yet your suffering has not destroyed you. On the contrary, it has cracked you open, revealing the raw tendons of your existential reality.

What you lack regarding natural empathy, you overcompensate for in cognitive and emotional empathy. One of the great differences between you and non-autistic people is NOT that you are emotionally lacking, (this could not be further from the truth), but it is simply that you experience, process and communicate your feelings differently and in a way that can easily be misunderstood.

Your inner-world has been totally transformed and redesigned by grieving. For although you find it so difficult and complicated to express to others your feelings beyond the intellectual expression, in the quietness of your own heart, you have been able to make that leap, from the head to your heart, and in so doing, you have felt the fullness of your suffering and loss, which has enabled you to be connected to the suffering and loss of others.

Empathy is not a virtue, it is a sense, and your senses are very finely tuned and intensified. It is important for you to realise that just because you process information and communicate differently, this does not mean you are incapable of loving or being empathic.

Wow, those were amazing words, quaker.

Thank you.

My challenge is not to feel, but to
convey feeling beyond the intelectual
expression.

Feeling my sadness
and suffering has connected me to a
world , that is still such a stranger
to me, not through lack of connection
but lack of communication and
expression.

Yes, agreed. Thank you for posting that.

BTW, what is the title of the book?

This and this!

I could be in the most deepest relationship and STILL have the feeling of emotional distance or that the connection isn't felt by the other person. I'd still have the feeling that "our" connection only consists of a tiny spark, whereas their connection with everyone else has a nice full healthy charge (yes, the "connection" term I tend to take metaphorically). I've often avoided pursuing friendships with people when I see them connecting with others in a more closer, freindlier, non-stop volley of banter and mateship kinda way. As I know I just can't have that with them, and I know our potential friendship will have nowhere near as much chemistry.

I think it might be a result of many of the obsessional one-sided relationships I've had over the years. I've become so accustomed to not having the connection/feelings reciprocated that I just plain assume it's not being reciprocated. Force of habit thing. Or maybe more of a detached parents when younger thing. Who knows.

Has anyone ever felt a connection (on a psychic level, I guess) with someone online? And I don't necessarily mean someone you've spent a lot of time talking to, just a vibe you get from someone. It even brings up emotions in you.

Hi Apple in my eye, my 1st book is called 'A Painful Gift- the journey of a soul with autism, and my Second book is called The Wounded Tree Still Blossoms.

I am very pleased to email my first book completely free to anyone here at WP via pdf, (folks just have to PM me their email address) my second book in the process of publication so only able to share bits with folks here, but will soon be making it available to all here completely free.

Wishing you all well from London.

Hi, I'm new. It's funny that this is a recent topic because it is something I think about often, especially recently. I identify so well with a lot of what has been said, and could copy and paste a lot of the previous posts as describing me. I have never been emotionally close with anyone. I'm an extravert, and have often been told that I have a reputation of "knowing everybody," which is kind of surprising maybe, but while I have developed many of what could be conceived of as relationships with all kinds of people, I have never been able to get emotionally close with anyone. There is always that barrier between us, and I can't explain it. I am also known as a good listener and seem to "empathize" with people, meaning I allow them to vent about just about anything to me. But, there is always a feeling of detachment, including with my parents and siblings, and I never share my "feelings" with anyone, partly out of fear people will use it to analyze me and draw conclusions about me, which I cannot stand. I have always had a reputation for not being emotional, I rarely get outwardly angry (sometimes I will lash out, mainly at my Mom in the past, but as I have gotten older I have learned to control it and it is very rare), and in the event I do seem to get really happy or sad about something, I get over it in minutes. I'm 27 and the last time I actually cried I was 17. I can't feel love for anyone and it bothers me constantly. I envy most those who have a companion. I do feel sympathy when I see someone who is hurt, or sad, or someone who gets treated unfairly (seeing a Mother get her daughter taken away from her by an incompetent Judge), or those who are "wrongfully accused," or even those who are rightfully accused but are products of their upbringing, it doesn't last long, though. I always tell people that I really am a feeler, I just don't show it. Again, it's hard for me to explain. I live in the small town that I grew up in, and know so many people who have known me my whole life, but I always have that feeling of discomfort if I feel that the other person is getting emotionally attached, or if I feel like I'm getting emotionally "close" to that person, and I back off. I have been in therapy, and have been told to think about the times I felt uncomfortable about getting close to someone and figure out the moment that I had that feeling to understand what caused it. I've yet to figure it out. If anyone could shed a little light on this "feeling," please do. Glad I found this site.

I tend to have an emotional connection with other people with autism like my cousin and this one kid at school with autism who has a passion for airplanes.

This has always ended up one-sided for me. Either I am obsessed with getting to know someone, for whatever reason, or I want nothing to do with that person. Usually I think people that are around me frequently are people that can tolerate me being around and vice versa. Sometimes someone thinks of me as a friend and I never knew it. It always shocks me to hear someone say that we are friends, usually when talking to someone else. They are so casual about it and I always think, "No, we are not." Not that I wouldn't want to be, but I just don't know people like that.

Outside of obsessions, I always put people in two categories, people I am safe around and people I'm not. This is not always physical. People who are political, selfish, abusive, or otherwise untrustworthy fit into the unsafe category. I can tolerate being around them but just enough to not cause a scene. People I feel safe around I can interact with but will probably never be friends or anything else with.

Connections in the context of love or relationships is something that I know exists, but I have never felt myself. I don't believe I have ever had a two-way relationship or connection. Till recently I confused my obsessions, with certain people, with "loving" that person.

It's been a long time since I felt an emotional obsession for anybody, except my wife. Physical attraction, yes, but no sense of empathy or other kind of "emotional connection"

Maybe it's because I do not qualify as an 'emo' type of person.

No, I've never felt such a connection with anyone.