Do you talk to other people about your problems?

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Dots
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29 Apr 2011, 1:10 pm

I don't know if this is a non-AS thing to do or not. I never used to talk about my problems. I never used to have friends to talk about my problems with. But years of therapy has made it a bit easier for me to do this.

I mean, reading The Haven forum shows me that people with ASDs still talk to others about their problems. I have trouble carrying on regular conversations, but if I need advice about something, I can have that conversation. For example, I'm transgendered (female to male) and my parents are giving me a really hard time. So I talk to people about that problem, and they give me advice.

Sometimes I worry that I talk about my problems too much because I have trouble carrying on small talk conversations so I feel like I dominate the conversation with my problem.

Is this a non-AS thing to do? Do you talk to other people about your problems?


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TenPencePiece
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29 Apr 2011, 1:21 pm

I used to keep them to myself, but now I'm a little more open.

Dots wrote:
I mean, reading The Haven forum shows me that people with ASDs still talk to others about their problems.


But it would be hard to find out how many do because we obviously don't know about the ones who don't.


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IdahoRose
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29 Apr 2011, 1:39 pm

I used to talk about my problems to anyone who would listen. Nowadays I only like talking to my mum about my problems. I'm reluctant to talk about them with anyone besides her.



bee33
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29 Apr 2011, 1:45 pm

I mostly don't talk to anyone about my problems because I would feel like I was burdening them. And talking to therapists has never been of any help to me. Mostly they just made me furious with their irrelevant comments and their complete misunderstanding of what problems I am actually facing, rather than wanting to discuss the ones they made up by misunderstanding or not listening. Seeing therapists, and I have seen 14, has been nothing but awful.



Indy
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29 Apr 2011, 1:47 pm

TenPencePiece wrote:
I used to keep them to myself, but now I'm a little more open.

This.



TallyMan
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29 Apr 2011, 1:51 pm

If you have a good friend you can share your problems with each other. That works for me. I don't like airing my personal problems on public forums and wouldn't pay to tell them to a therapist. Sometimes all you need is someone with a sympathetic none judgemental ear.


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League_Girl
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29 Apr 2011, 1:55 pm

As a kid I didn't always talk about my problems so I am sure my mom is still unaware of things I do and did and what went on in my childhood. There have been things I am private about. I talked about me getting picked on and bullied. But if I have a problem to talk about, I usually go to one of my online friends and b***h about it. He is usually online.

I have also found out as an adult talking about your problems can be a bad thing. When you talk about them, people tend to see it as bullying or gossip. One NT from here told me there are social rules about ranting and my husband told me it depends where you do it and who you do it to. Like if I had a problem with someone, it be okay to talk to him about it in our apartment because he won't repeat it to anyone else. Look at the teacher who got suspended from her teaching job for her blog and people have gotten mad at me in the past for bitching about them to others and I was accused on another forum for gossip. Plus when it's done online on forums, people can see it as a witch hunt I was told. She told me it looks like I was on it when I was bitching about a person. I bet bitching about your problems is a guilty pleasure because people tend to do it in private and don't want others to know about it nor want that person to over hear or catch them. Plus people view it as gossip and bullying so no wonder people prefer to be private about it. People have gotten fired for bitching about their job on Facebook or something. It's like it's social taboo to talk about your problems or rant about it. It must be against the social rules and lot of people break it anyway. I think it's a stupid rule anyway to silence people about their issues.



MrMagpie
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29 Apr 2011, 2:00 pm

I went 23 years without telling a single person about any of my problems, even small every-day sorts of things. I never realized how odd this was until I started therapy and my counselor asked who I had confided these things in, a relative or a teacher or friend, whomever. She seemed sort of surprised (and sad?) when I told her I'd never talked to anyone about anything before.

It wasn't that I was intentionally keeping secrets or wallowing in sorrow or something, I had just never felt my problems were important enough to go looking for help from other people. Once my therapist broached the topic of Asperger's with me, though, I was surprised to find that I had several close friends who were more than willing to spend hours at a time listening to me talk about articles and forums (like this one 8) ) and all the other information I had gathered. I am still not the sort of person to 'confide' in others, because from my perspective confiding implies some sort of emotional context to the information being transmitted. I prefer to call my friends 'sounding boards'. They give me different perspectives and opinions that help me to process information as I gather it.



bumble
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29 Apr 2011, 2:14 pm

Oh yes I talk about my problems...unfortunately I often present my monologues about my problems to an uninterested audience lol. This can get me errrr, well, I'm not very popular, let me put it that way.

The thing is when I talk about my problems I am mostly looking to just talk...I am neither looking for emotional support or comfort or a solution as I tend to prefer to find my own solutions most of the time anyway. Although I will seek out information from people that I can take away, consider and possibly either use or adapt in some way. Most seem to think I want them to say 'Awwww' and give me a hug though...

Does the Awww actually solve the problem and make it go away? Not usually but bless them for trying I guess.



CockneyRebel
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29 Apr 2011, 3:45 pm

I talk to my closest friends and WP friends about my problems.


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kepheru
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29 Apr 2011, 5:21 pm

I used to talk to people about my problems, thinking it was just a natural thing to do lol. I kind of alienated a lot of people pretty quickly that way. Now i know to keep it to myself though.



Zen
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29 Apr 2011, 5:34 pm

There's only one person I talk to about my problems, and even then I tend to hold back a lot of the time. I'm uncomfortable with it, because I don't know how to help other people who have problems, and I feel guilty if it's one-sided. I've been accused of one-sided friendships a few times. :-(



addison
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29 Apr 2011, 5:57 pm

i used to talk with a few friends about my problems but now i mostly talk to my boyfriend about my problems

of course he's an aspie too and i wish he'd talk to me about his problems too but he doesn't do it a lot...



Mark_M
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29 Apr 2011, 6:24 pm

If there's something that's really bothering me I'd be most inclined to talk to my sister about it. I used to talk to my mom or dad about things more often, but ever since I went through college I feel like I can't trust them to care about anything other than my career.


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