On "connectedness"

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hi folks,

i think i could recognize and show feelings much less when I didn't know about AS. Its not that I didn't have feelings like others might think, there were people i liked, i liked them because they were nice to me, funny or showed somehow to be sensitive. But I actually didn't know how to see if they like me or not, and i also didn't know how to show better until i learned more about body language.

thanks,
anton

So your saying, you liked them but you didnt know if they liked you. I face that a lot, thats tough. Id guess a lotta aspies face that, where you cant tell if someone likes you or not. For me its between: are they putting up with me or do they actually wanna be around me?

I cannot tell if people like me either. I cannot sense if someone loves me. I need people to tell me these things if that is how they are feeling or I cannot sense it.

I think this has been one of my biggest issues. For example, I have one friend. She makes me feel good, I enjoy hearing from her or spending time with her. I care a great deal about her. But I don't "feel" love or anything like that from her. If I don't hear from her for a while I start to think that she's decided to not be my friend anymore. But then I do hear from her. I have to recollect her behaviors and actions towards me, and make an intellectual determination as to whether or not she cares. I have to remember the times she's been there for me, shown me affection, and all the things she does for me. I still have to do this after 10 years of friendship.

Needless to say coming to this realization shortly after my diagnosis 2 years ago has helped me understand what may have gone wrong in other relationships I've had. Fixing that problem is another matter entirely.

I can definitely sense it, but it's almost universally along the lines of "They feel uncomfortable / "don't like being" around me", and I find it better to just ignore it for my psychological health. Sometimes people like being around me, though: It usually occurs during a good mood, when I'm having a good day and I have "intrinsic interest" in conversing with the particular person. I surmise, then, most people are just like me except they have higher levels of "social drive" and/or "intrinsic interest". Or, they're probably more humorous on average, maybe.