NT's "egging you on"

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Hi WP.

I was going to post this is the Parent's forum as it involves my six year old son, but I wanted to hear from people with autism on get their feelings and thoughts on this issue.

I learned from my son's school that my son can get very silly in his Kindergarten class. It seems that some of the other kids "egg him on" - that is - they say a silly comment, get my son to repeat it over and over and then stand back and smile while my son continues the antics and the teacher or assistant get after him.

The good news - the teacher and Special Needs Assistant are very well aware that the other kids are encouraging the behaviour and are responding appropriately to all the children. More good news - I am friendly with one of the other mums and she is supportive in encouraging her child to be respectful. My son and hers actually get along well and play well for the most part.

This is what I have done for now:

I have reminded my son what he learned in preschool: "My body is safe. My feelings are safe. My work is safe." This phrase was used for the kids to protect them from bullying behavior and also when others (including staff and children) had to intervene with bullying behaviour.

In this particular case, the issue was that my son was repeating a silly phrase, "baby bottoms" and putting toys on the heads of his classmates. The other kids told him to stop, but he kept acting silly (and a couple of the other kids kept egging him on quietly). I reminded him that the "work" of the other kids was safe - they should not be disturbed during class, especially after they say "stop". I reminded him that their "bodies" were safe - he should not touch them or put toys on them when they say "stop" and that their feelings are safe, e.g. they said, "no" and we respect their wishes.

I also reminded him to keep his own work, body and feelings safe by saying "no" to other kids when they urged him to do things after he is told "no" by the other kids involved or the teachers. I have also shared this with the other mum I am friendly with - who is familiar with this strategy and supportive of it.

I shared this strategy with his school so that they can use similar language and encouraged the school to share any ideas with me so that we have a solid, consistent approach.

Here is what I wanted to know from my WP friends...

Did you experience others "egging you on"?

How did you learn how to recognize when you were being "egged on"?

How did you respond to others when you realized that they were "egging you on?"

Any other thoughts or comments that could help me help me son how to successfully navigate primary school. Keep in mind that I am non-violent and try to encourage respectful (but assertive, firm) language (even for a six year old).

Thanks.

Being "egged on" to do stuff! Those were the days. Go to the teacher and say Bench 3x's fast (sounds like b***h BTW) Teacher grabbed my wrist and walked me straight to the principals office. (I heard kids snickering in the line.) All the time they'd ask me to sing Elvis songs and I thought they were laughing with me and I was funny but they were laughing AT ME. I see this now as an adult but didn't see it then. Hopefully your son has a better schooling expereince than I did.

I experienced this a lot.

What made it worse is that deep down I have this very strong need to be liked. I'd do things because I thought they'd make me popular, when they either got me laughed at or into trouble.

I can't recognise even now if I'm being egged on, whilst it's happening. There's a delay in my mental processing of social situations that are not straightfoward. You could tell your son that he can go away and think about something before he does it.

This would just confuse me. It sounds like a mantra that makes no sense at all. Sorry but the way some words are said mess with my brain.

I don't remember how I dealt with people egging me on. I only realised years later what they were doing. And it's true we do it to make people like us. I just did it because they laughed not because I wanted to be accepted.

I think if you teach him what behaviour is right and wrong or even just say those kids are actually making fun of you (in your own words) and he might stopped doing it. We need to be told in clear words exactly what is happening and what we need to do to fix it.

I don't understand the saying either. I'm imagining that my body, feelings, and work are locked up in some bulletproof container guarded by a whole platoon of the most elite troops available. I'm guessing that's not what that means.

I had this problem a lot myself. The biggest thing that helped me was specifically being taught appropriate/inappropriate behaviors before I socialized in such a way that such situations (insert here) would come up. That way I could pre-plan responses.