Do you feel like a piece of u is missing because of Aspegers

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KanyeWestFan
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15 Jul 2019, 2:47 am

I have no problem with having Aspergers but when I think about how I never had legit friendships or my lack of memories to look back on fondly. I feel empty, I feel like less of a person. Of course, I am only 21 so my life is far from over but I still automatically have those feelings.



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15 Jul 2019, 3:43 am

More like pieces of me morphs continuously and several of them conflicts with one another.

I don't feel like having missing pieces.
More like I got too many pieces to deal with -- I feel 'too human', 'too sensitive', 'too glaringly had more than enough attention', 'self-contradictory', 'sometimes balanced sometimes chaotic', etc. Just... Inconsistent.


Got a lot of fulfillment in my rather short life of 24.
Love, good memories to look back into, friendships... Did autism denied that? Nope. It could've been worse. It may even be irrelevant.

And I don't feel 'hungry' or that I missed out on something I was supposed to 'crave'. More like I feel 'too full' and 'would rather taste something else other than from the usual menu'. Instead of 'empty' I feel like 'overwhelmed'.
At my better days I would brag about it and be grateful, at my worse days I would thought that I don't deserved any of it.


And if I do crave for something, then I crave something deeper than the idea of genuine happiness of self and other. More than the idea of the lack of loneliness, more than just safety and fun, more than genuine get-alongs and even esteem didn't fulfilled what I was looking for.


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Mountain Goat
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15 Jul 2019, 4:37 am

I don't know if I have it. For me what is missing is explanation. Why I have been different. Why I seem to be going through struggles which my Mum can partly relate to (Not totally) because I know if I am assessed and find I have it, then I am almost certain my Mum has it too. It is probably why no one noticed... Because my Mum thinks I'm normal because she thinks in a similar way. If it is true, my poor dad who I believe to be an NT but with a few issues of his own (He passed away over ten years ago), was very different to us, and as I was brought up on a village smallholding so we were different to begin with, but we all enjoyed immensly, any differences we had were more put down to a different way of life rather then anything else. I honestly thought while growing up that being shy and withdrawn and generally avoiding being in groups or crowded places was due to my upbringing. My Dad used to amaze me how he could just go and talk to anyone and everyone and he didn't even have to change his ways to do this. (I later found changing to fit in was called "Masking" which I found a very useful way but it made me look thick... I would put on an act of looking a little thick so it would cover any quirks I had... Something I hated doing but did it automatically as I honestly didn't or don't know how to be myself when in a group, as if I take down the mask I soon become a target...Vunerable to being picked on).
So the largest piece of me that was missing, is for all my life up until recently, is the knowing that I am quite unique but not knowing why. Not being able to explain my individuality... When with others, feeling that there is a real "Me" inside but not being able to explain or show the real "Me".
I do have a big emptiness filled already. The spiritual casm or void has been filled since I was about 13 years old where I accepted Jesus Christ. It is a big void that was filled for me and I can't think of life without knowing Him.
A few years ago I had been praying along the lines of "What is wrong with me? Why do I keep getting these moments where they feel like a sudden energy drop where it is almost a struggle to remain concious? I have since learned that these are a type of partial shutdown, though I need this to be assessed for it to be confirmed.



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15 Jul 2019, 4:37 am

You have just said what I've been feeling about it since I was 8 years old, only your words are better. Yes I do feel like a part of me is 'missing' due to AS. I've always felt everyone else around me has something I don't have. I feel like I am normal, but then I'm not. I feel like the faulty AS gene had chosen me like a victim. Because I am cognitively high-functioning, my AS symptoms are more complex and they overlap with my ADHD and anxiety, and I have all the symptoms of social anxiety. Maybe if my co-morbids were taken away I might be PDD-NOS (or is it PPD-NOS? I get muddled up with abbreviations). But whatever my degree of AS, it still makes me feel like there's a piece of me missing.


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15 Jul 2019, 4:53 am

Joe90 wrote:
You have just said what I've been feeling about it since I was 8 years old, only your words are better. Yes I do feel like a part of me is 'missing' due to AS. I've always felt everyone else around me has something I don't have. I feel like I am normal, but then I'm not. I feel like the faulty AS gene had chosen me like a victim. Because I am cognitively high-functioning, my AS symptoms are more complex and they overlap with my ADHD and anxiety, and I have all the symptoms of social anxiety. Maybe if my co-morbids were taken away I might be PDD-NOS (or is it PPD-NOS? I get muddled up with abbreviations). But whatever my degree of AS, it still makes me feel like there's a piece of me missing.


Do you feel this way when examining yourself in isolation, or only when comparing yourself to the NT world?



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15 Jul 2019, 5:24 am

HighLlama wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
You have just said what I've been feeling about it since I was 8 years old, only your words are better. Yes I do feel like a part of me is 'missing' due to AS. I've always felt everyone else around me has something I don't have. I feel like I am normal, but then I'm not. I feel like the faulty AS gene had chosen me like a victim. Because I am cognitively high-functioning, my AS symptoms are more complex and they overlap with my ADHD and anxiety, and I have all the symptoms of social anxiety. Maybe if my co-morbids were taken away I might be PDD-NOS (or is it PPD-NOS? I get muddled up with abbreviations). But whatever my degree of AS, it still makes me feel like there's a piece of me missing.


Do you feel this way when examining yourself in isolation, or only when comparing yourself to the NT world?


Both.


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15 Jul 2019, 5:44 am

That's hard to say. My family of origin was dysfunctional, but very accepting of differences. My gran had a great sense of humor and since I had ADHD, she thought most of my antics were hilarious. No knowledge of comorbid ASD/Asperger's early on, probably ended up being an advantage. The only thing I knew about myself was that I couldn't sit still. I didn't have notions that I was 'different' until I was much older. And I was pretty self-contained. I had a few friends, I still have them to this day. But there wasn't the constant comparing of children to charts and 'norms' when I was little. The school of thought was, 'they'll do it when they're ready.' And people weren't so focused on labels, or pigeon holing others.

It's cliche', but I think a certain amount of ignorance is bliss. Knowing I have ASD, as well as ADHD has changed my perceptions. Not knowing I had ASD seemed to help me just proceed more, without constant self examination. I just went about off the chain and unless I got in trouble for it, I experienced very little rejection that I recall. Of course, it could've also been because I was so self-absorbed that I never really noticed.


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15 Jul 2019, 8:47 am

KanyeWestFan wrote:
I have no problem with having Aspergers but when I think about how I never had legit friendships or my lack of memories to look back on fondly. I feel empty, I feel like less of a person. Of course, I am only 21 so my life is far from over but I still automatically have those feelings.

What are your hobbies/interests?

Have you gotten to know any other autistic people in your local area? (As an autistic person yourself, you might find it easier to make friends with other autistic people -- or at least some other autistic people -- than with NT's, although making friends with fellow autistic people may be a slower process than the way NT's make friends with each other.)


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15 Jul 2019, 8:51 am

I was much like that at 21. I didn't have a lot of friends and concentrated on my studies. Now, it's much different. Things do improve. I was a late bloomer in a lot of things, with the exception of academics.



kraftiekortie
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15 Jul 2019, 8:59 am

I've been told by a few people that there's "something missing" in me.

I don't bother to listen to those folks.



shortfatbalduglyman
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15 Jul 2019, 9:31 am

Yes and I am 36



MagicMeerkat
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15 Jul 2019, 10:27 am

No, I'd feel like a piece of me was missing if I was "cured".


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TheOther
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15 Jul 2019, 10:40 am

To be honest, I feel more like a 'factory second'.

I feel like I wasn't quite made to spec. Not that something is missing, but that a part of me is sort of shaped differently.



AprilR
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15 Jul 2019, 3:08 pm

I used to feel like that. But i don"t believe so anymore. You and everyone else is born lacking in something, no one is ever whole. I think the reason you feel this way is because society is twisted and concepts like friendship and love is overly valued. I'm not saying they're worthless concepts but most relationships in general are fragile and temporary. You can enrich your life by yourself, you don't need anyone else for that.



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16 Jul 2019, 10:03 am

With all the publicity about autism/Asperger syndrome, I really have begun to believe that everything about me is due to a miswiring of my brain. I really do sometimes feel weird, inferior, different.



KT67
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16 Jul 2019, 10:15 am

No.

I know this will sound like I'm bragging but I feel like there's something extra to me because of it.

And that something extra makes it hard to get by in the world because the world is designed for people without that.

Like when I look at things I see the details and I find it hard not to eavesdrop because I can hear every word etc.

Sometimes it can cause pain like my eyes pick up too much light so they're light sensitive.

But it's all more a case of 'more than other people' than 'less than other people'. Even the bits which are a problem.


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