Agoraphobia? Social anxiety? Whatever it is, help!! !

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I know NTs can get this aswell, but sometimes with my AS I'm never sure if I have a particular mental disorder or if it's just part of my disability. For example, in the passed 2 years I've been getting visible symptoms of Agoraphobia, but they don't seem to be the typical Agoraphobia what I read about. I'm not sure if mine is just a mix-up of anxiety, self-consciousness and obsession, all rolled into one, causing something similar to Agoraphobia.
I am on job-seekers at the moment, but I do voluntary work at a charity shop, a bus ride away. I am fine with getting on the bus and going there, but I don't know if it's because of my routine, or if it's because I know I love getting this particular bus (buses are part of my special interest). But although I love getting on this bus, things still make me anxious, like other people waiting at the bus stop, people sitting next to me on the bus, small kids sitting directly behind me on the bus, and other various anxieties like that. They seem minor, but they all role into one big anxiety.
Then there's the part where I walk through the town where there's a lot of people (which is why I don't like going shopping). I catch people staring at me, even though I know I'm not doing anything to stand out, like stimming, wearing ''different'' clothes, walking funny, ect. I'm a very fashionable, slim, attractive person, but I catch other women glaring at me as though they hate me, or sometimes I catch teenage girls looking at me as though they're about to burst out laughing at me, and it makes me so paranoid. I'm the type of Aspie who is very self-aware and don't like to stand out, and I seem to know all these streetwise rules, so I'm not one of those Aspies who can block people out easily and drift into my own world, not minding if I look ''weird'' or not. I just cannot block the people out - they are right in my face, and even if I did try to ignore it all, there will always be part of me what remains anxious, especially when I get one of those days where I'm in a bad mood (like we all do).

There have been times where others have made me feel anxious about myself and has lost all the confidence right out of me. I got bullied when I was 19 by my ''friends'', and they called me things like ugly and stupid, which hasn't done much good to my ego, since I am a very sensitive person anyway. Also I have had girls intentionally screaming in my face as they walked by me, making me jump, and it makes me wonder if they only done that to me because I must look stupid or something. I don't think they would have done it to someone who looks cocky and confident. I wear sunglasses a lot, so any unconfident expression on my face is hidden, and sunglasses make me look older and ''cool'' aswell. Anyway, I see other people looking moody or blank when they're walking or standing on their own. But anyway, also I had people laughing at me because I slipped over on ice, and I could tell what sort of laugh it was. It meant ''what a spaz!'' and it was so embarrassing (that explains the reason why I hate winter, unless it's mild and wet). And also, when I'm sitting in the bus I see people walking on the pavement looking in, staring right at my eyes, and I wonder if they only see me inside the bus and no-one else, and I wonder why. I feel like I glow or something, catching people's eye all the time, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, because nobody likes being stared at unless it's for a good thing, like being on the TV or stage or something like that. And once when I went to sit down on the bus, someone looked right up at me as I passed their seat, and when I sat down (behind this person) I looked at her and she didn't move her head at all to look up at anyone else who was coming on, so that also made me think, ''why is it just me all the time?''
I know people say, ''don't look at them then, then they won't look at you,'' but I hardly ever look at people. I can sense that they're looking at me. I see their gaze in the corner of my eye, which makes me quickly glance at them, and I discover that I was right. Every time. I can even tell when they're not looking at me, so if all this was my imagination there wouldn't be times where I know someone isn't looking at me - instead I would be thinking everyone's looking at me - do you get what I mean? I think about 80 percent of the time people do look at me (mostly women. Men's gaze is a completely different thing because it's usually a friendly smile or a leer, but women seem to glare or have a sniggering sort of expression on their face.) But even kids look up at me as though I'm some sort of ogre.

So this is why I have slight Agoraphobia issues. It came on so sudden about 2 years ago, and I feel it has got worse in some sort of way, and I hope it doesn't get any worse to the point where I become housebound. I have been to a doctor about this, but he just looked at me as though I was wasting his time because he seemed to think that being anxious about people looking at me is such a silly problem, but it isn't. It's a big problem when it comes down to it, because it's ruining my independence. Then I get all the critisism from people when I don't want to walk to the shops on my own.

Outside of some signal you are sending, coupled with a belief that might be spread there, I can only assume that someone is telling them something about you. I WAS in a school where people did that with me.

Such lies, etc... can "leak" out into the city. BTW girls DO often look at girls. You have to figure out WHY they act like they hate you.

Ever see the movie "love potion number nine?" It may even be based partially on fact, since I know the female voice can affect me like that. Still, for you, it might have some meaning. Basically, a man has problems relating to women, and a gypsy gives him this potion that is supposed to attract people of the other sex. HE thinks it is GARBAGE, and throws it away, but cats, from all over, start trying to mate with HIS cat, and he found that his cat went through the trash, and licked that potion! He tests it, and finds that it causes a microtremor in the vocal chords that attracts the opposite sex, and can cause extreme hatred by the same sex. A woman later gets a concentrated version, takes it to break up a wedding, and the men try to chase her because they love her, and the women try to attack her.

Anyway, there are some women that will hate you if you are prettier than they believe they are.

As for teenage girls? Teenagers could find almost anything to laugh at.

I hate going out of the house - I feel like everyone is judging me. I feel like such an outsider.

Even just to the local shops.

No solution for you sorry, but you're not alone........

Often hearing that someone else has the same sort of problem as me can be better than giving me a solution, because knowing that I'm not alone can make me feel better. So you needn't have apologized .

I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. I take it you live in a small town? If so, not really sure what can be done about it besides either confronting one of those women, finding a new doctor, or trying to ignore them.

I doubt there is anything physically wrong with you, though, so at least I'd suggest not worrying about that. People don't need any encouragement to be rude. You could look like a supermodel and they'd still glare at you if they felt like it. As another poster suggested, though, there could be a rumor going around.

Is there anyone you can talk to about all of this that won't immediately write your concern off as silly? Someone who will actually take you seriously?

I do have a personal employment advisor - somebody who deals with young adults with disabilities who struggle to find work, ect, but he's more there to help with employment, more than general day-to-day life. But he is very understanding, though. The more difficult I find it to find the work I want, the more he will help and understand, which is very good. So maybe I could just tell him how I feel about going out in public on my own and all, and he may be able to help in some sort of way. Having someone who understands does help a lot, even if they can't do much to help.

I'm not going to say, ''I probably look odd all the time because I have an ASD and there's no escaping the vibes'', because that really doesn't help. I know someone with mild Down's Syndrome, who is independent, and she dresses in very fashionable clothes and is very grown-up, and she walks normal, but she gives her disability away more by her physical appearance, because her arms are shorter than normal and she is very small for her age, and her face is built that way people who have Down's Syndrome look. But otherwise, because of her ''normal'' behaviour and her nice clothes, she doesn't stand out at all. Also I have a friend who is quite Autistic, but is as independent as me, but he doesn't give off any vibes that he's different when you look at him. OK, he swings his arms about a lot, but if he isn't doing that, he just looks like any normal young man. Anyway, we are all different. When you go out into a crowded public place, you would see people all of sizes, ages, clothes, personalities, postures, skin colour, hair colour, hairstyles, and so on. So I didn't think it was possible to stand out without doing anything anyway, unless you do something to look different, which I never do. I'm just a person walking along, minding my own business, like everyone else.

I'm glad that you have at least one person that you can talk to.

Yes, mannerisms and the way you carry yourself can sometimes make you stand out (perhaps even more so than an actual physical disability). It could just be a kind of aura you give off. Some folks believe in that sort of thing, others don't. I'm apt to say that there's definitely something that people read from body language or how you present yourself that gives off a distinct impression. Not being aware of how you appear to others is another side of the problem. You could try asking people how you come appear to them or what kind of signals you may be giving off.

It could be your anxiety that is causing you to appear uncertain that is causing them to look at you more, or it could be that, because you are anxious, you are looking around and are more acutely aware of people (and hence it becomes a vicious cycle). People DO look at each other, often for completely harmless reasons. From what I've read, most people don't think long and hard about people they've random met in a public spot. The interest they have in complete strangers is fleeting, at best.

Anyhow, I wish I could help out more. I have an aversion to all of those things that you mentioned... walking around town, riding buses, eek. Perhaps others can offer you better advice about how best to proceed.

On a similar note: Is there any way that you can combat the anxiety when you are out and about? Does music calm you down? What about bringing a book along?

Also, another hare-brained idea: Can you ride a bike to your bus stop?

I'm aware of this, I think this is the sole reason why I hate going out on my own. Again, it's something I can't escape. But I would have thought that wearing trendy things and knowing that you look nice can sometimes hide those sorts of vibes. They say that sometimes it's what you wear that can affect your attitude. That's why they give kids school uniforms to wear (in this country). And it says in fashion magazines that the most important thing to make you look more confident when you're going out is going out feeling nice. If you feel nice (even wearing nice underwear) can make you look more confident or in a good mood.
But why would giving off vibes make people look anyway? Like I said earlier, we're all different.


I have asked relatives, and they said I don't look any different to anyone else. They don't feel embarrassed or anything to walk with me. And I also asked some colleagues at work who I haven't known for long, and even they say that I just look like any other person.
My aunt said that when she was sitting in a busy market with her boyfriend she saw me across the road, and my aunt hardly recognised me. Then when she came round my house later I walked past the lounge, and the door was shut but I heard my aunt talking to my mum, and I just caught her saying to my mum, ''oh I saw Jo across the road earlier today and she looked really cool, and even my boyfriend said she does.'' And I felt happy, because I knew that when she said ''cool'', I knew she meant I looked like a trendy, ordinary, attractive young woman with no weirdness about me. And hearing somebody saying a compliment about you when they don't know you're listening makes you feel even better, because you know they're not just saying that. Being called ''cool'' is typically what a person of my age wants to hear.

And it ain't nothing to do with my face looking grumpy or anything, because I see pictures of Victoria Beckham in magazines and she looks grumpy all the time.

People say I might be hypersensitive to people staring.