obsession with deprivaty and an empty life

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I'm a 24 year old male self diagnosed AS, I live on my own and have this ongoing routine of depriving myself of most things. Sometimes I feel that my conciousness is one big dream of trying to make it as a musician/artist. This most of the time is ALL I consider day to day. I wake up, I think to myself I will skip breakfast, why not? this quilt is very warm, anyways I like being thin...lol

During the day I have to bookmark my mind in organising dinner for myself and going food shopping, again all that is present in my head are either melodies/lyrics/musical arrangements etc. Food doesn't seem important to me until I recognise it's enjoyable again, this only happens when I rediscover that washing up is fun and OCD pleasant!

I take holiday breaks in the UK on my own to see gigs and go to the cinema, to test if I can survive on my own, deep down i'm terribly lonely. I avoid holidays overseas cos i'm scared of flying and wouldn't go anyway because the thought of places i'm not familiar with and coping with it is scary. However I loved family holidays when I was young and probably still would but my parents think i've grown up but inside I can still find that little boy!

I don't have regular friends, I use to, one friend I played music with but we didn't understand each other and then a recent friend (the closest thing to a soul mate) has now cut off communication because I told him that he wasn't good enough to play in my band and it ended diplomaticly but he doesn't want to remain friends away from the music.

You see I want friends, but interesting ones or even ones I can trust, have a laugh with, people tend to want the "me" they want and I don't become the individual I am, just another brick in the boring social wall.

Now it's just me and my brain and my parents across the road who I totally confuse and my sister who lives in the next village who doesn't get me either, so my current world involves: "Deal or No Deal", championship manager on pc, my computer and my musical fantasy world!

I suppose it's a good thing to keep on going despite the confusion and emptyness and knowing that when your world fills up you'll be happier, or am I scared of not having more walls to climb in life once i'm settled in?

You must have a tough time, I know how you feel. You said you are scared of flying and going to a different country. Other comming the fear of flying is the easy thing just sit back and let the plane do the work. Surviving in another country is more complicated. But you will often be surprised how easy it is, depending on what country you go to.

I can so relate..

I moved to a new city out of my parents home about 8 months ago..
and so far i'm just sitting here in isolation and loneliness...

you know what helps for me? At the beginning of the day, when I make my to-do list, I will try to add a few things of unimportant stuff or something to do that is not to be done at home..

I go to the store, talk briefly with the checker, "hello", and I have had some social interaction with someone...