Getting in the way in shops

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Are you always getting in the way in shops? Do you find it annoying?

I'm always getting in the way when I'm shopping with another person, because usually NTs take their time in shops because they look at bargains, and try their best to get the bestest but cheapest thing they see out of a variety of certain items, and I'm always standing and waiting for them to hurry up and choose something - which causes me to end up standing in the way all the time. It makes me feel awkward. Once I was with a friend, and I kept getting so anxious that I was in the way, that she got fed up in the end, and snapped, ''well go and stand over there then!'' I inwardly told myself to shut up about being in the way, otherwise my friend will get really fed up with me, and that's a perfect way to lose friends (which is not what I want to happen). So anyway, I'm always standing somewhere what's blocking people's way.
This is what I hate the most: when I'm standing there and suddenly get lost in my own thoughts (whilst waiting patiently for the person I'm with to take their time choosing something), and suddenly somebody creeps up from behind me and I suddenly hear a loud murmer in my ear, ''excuse me, please'', and I then feel their hands gently on my ribs to give me a gentle friendly nudge to indicate that I should step away to let them past (since I'm blocking a whole gangway). That REALLY pisses me off, because it makes me jump, and I HATE it when strangers touch me! Generally I don't mind being touched, or being touched doesn't really bother me, but when strangers do it on my ribs when I am in their way, ooohhhh it really irritates the hell out of me! I must say, I usually get this from women. Men react differently when I'm in their way. They say ''excuse me'' in a less annoying way, and they don't touch you and make you feel awkward, like women do (especially old women). I know it's polite, but I would rather somebody just say ''excuse me'' quietly, in a quick sort of way. When they touch you and say loudly and slowly, ''excuse me please'' so that it makes you jump, it really annoys me. Also, men sometimes wait for you to finish where you're looking or standing, whilst most women get so over-excited when shopping that they forget there are other people and they would even go through hell and high water just to get to an item they see, without waiting for people to move out the way (especially with clothes!)

I think not liking to be in the way is part of social anxiety, because I like to be in a spot where I haven't got people right on top of me. Also being in everyone's way makes me feel awkward. This is part of the reason why I hate shopping, especially with other people. Does anyone else here really hate getting in everyone's way? Or is it just one of those things only I don't like?

Yep. I get in the way of people without even realizing it.

Never really get in the way unless I want to piss someone (my younger sister) off.

I'm unfamiliar with this custom of touching strangers on the ribs, which strikes me as only a less forceful version of being shoved. I would have said the only polite place to touch a stranger is very lightly on the shoulder, and then only after a no-touch "Excuse me" hasn't worked.

Touching aside, I am very familiar with being in the public's way, which is why I avoid crowded venues altogether. If I must go, I choose unpopular hours. But usually the fact that a place is crowded at any time is enough to make me avoid it.

Why do you go on these shopping trips?

I get in everybody's way when I'm buying groceries. If I have to pack my own, I'm doomed. And yes, it's an anxiety factor.

However! I bought a button and stuck it on my cap. All of a sudden everybody backed off. The button says: "I'm not ignoring you, I have autism." I know there are people who object to this, on the valid grounds that they don't owe anybody an explanation. So it's a personal judgement call. I don't wear the buttonn all the time - maybe once a month or something. The most important part of that button is "I'm not ignoring you" - people get hurt feelings from me and I don't know why.

I'm 60yo and retired from work. I would never have told the office I have autism, even if I had known. Also, socially, if I was young I think I'd be less likely to tell people.

I get in everybody's way when I'm buying groceries. If I have to pack my own, I'm doomed. And yes, it's an anxiety factor.

However! I bought a button and stuck it on my cap. All of a sudden everybody backed off. The button says: "I'm not ignoring you, I have autism." I know there are people who object to this, on the valid grounds that they don't owe anybody an explanation. So it's a personal judgement call. I don't wear the buttonn all the time - maybe once a month or something. The most important part of that button is "I'm not ignoring you" - people get hurt feelings from me and I don't know why.

I'm 60yo and retired from work. I would never have told the office I have autism, even if I had known. Also, socially, if I was young I think I'd be less likely to tell people.

Well I can't expect other people to try on and get clothes, shoes, food, et cetera, for me. I then get criticised and called lazy.

Actually I find it reallly surprising that you are the one getting in the way, I usually find it's the nts getting in the way in shops, they have no spacial awareness as a rule. Unless you specifically have to say excuse me they'll just stand there even when it's obvious you'd like to get past. I mean why must I have to speak to you to express something which is perfectly obvious? The aisle has a width and they take up most of it!

i think so i always get pushed

Avoid standing in the middle of the aisle. Stand to the side always so people can get through.

I still have the tendency to leave my shopping cart in the middle but I try and remember to keep it to the side so people can get by and not have to say 'excuse me' or just stand there. I get too far into my own world to notice someone is saying excuse me because they end up moving my cart for me or just squeeze by. That is why I don't judge people when they display that rude behavior.

I think my soul purpose in life is to get in the way in shops... I have hearing problems so I don't always hear people saying 'excuse me' and then I get a load of verbal abuse (usually at the correct sound level for me to hear unfortunately...) from the same person when I 'refuse' to move. People don't think that maybe a person can't hear them very well or at all! It does help when I have my hearing aids on display though even though they're not very big ones, they are quite obvious. It's not so easy to have them on display now that my hair has grown back (from being cut short... by myself... in a strange depressive state...).

Also I am not sure but I think the nudging thing is more of an English thing than an American thing. I don't tend to see it on TV that much... Don't know though, never been to America!

This is what I notice as well. Someone will have their cart on one side of the aisle, and then be standing beside the cart taking up the other half of the aisle. I'll walk up with my cart, they will glance up, then at my cart, then their cart...then go back to whatever they were looking at.

It seems like common sense to know to step aside and park the cart properly as well. It really gets me when people get annoyed when asked to move when they can CLEARLY see they are in the way. It's different if I startle someone, then I just apologize and ask politely to get past.

If I am the one in the way, then I get a really gross feeling inside. I think it's mostly because someone has noticed me and talked to me, and I don't like that.

Sorry this has caused you so much trouble At least you know that you're not alone! I also tend to get in the way and stand around awkwardly in shops, and I do end up feeling really nervous and annoyed and in the way generally.

It helps to try looking for something. Interest yourself with something in the shop. Wander of a little bit and just look at something, for instance the books or the make-up. Try finding a particular item even if you don't want to buy it, or look for something cheap to buy. You can try out samples of things, leaf through books and just pretend to be interested in things and wander around making sure you're not too close to anyone or in the way. Nobody will spare you a second glace

It also helps to feel less anxious and more relaxed if you're just looking for something or interesting yourself with something rather than just standing therem, and people probably won't get annoyed as easily.

You could also ask the friend what they're looking for and help them look

But yes, I definitely know what you mean.

there. i corrected it to be more precise.... and my answer is: yes.

Online shopping is your friend You can shop for just about anything online- there are clothes shops and food shops and everything. Of course you still need to go to the shops sometimes but why not try and go when things are less busy? For example very early in the morning or when people are having lunch, on a weekday or a sunday if that shop is open then.

If it suits you you could do a big weekly food shop online and have it delivered to your house, admittedly this does cost money.

I hate it too when people come up behind you and ask you to move. I guess you just have to try and relax as much as possible, smile and say "Oh, sorry!" And then move along somewhere else and try to forget about it.