Theres any exercise to make me increase Eye contact?

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foxant
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15 Aug 2018, 3:49 pm

i feel anxious doing eye contact. Mostly because when people look at me they do this face

https://previews.123rf.com/images/biala ... usting.jpg

mostly kids, like im a weirdo. Also what makes me want to do less and less eye contact is that people just turn the face away when they look at me. Its so annoying, sometimes im most feel like to do eye contact but after few people i give up. Because people turn away from me in miliseconds after doing eye contact.


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naturalplastic
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15 Aug 2018, 5:35 pm

'making eye contact' is not the same thing as staring folks in the eye. You must be staring folks in the eye.

In typical conversation the two participants' sets of eyes sort of dance back and forth toward and away from contact.

Trouble is that most people (even those who are eye contact phobic) don't think much about it.

Some eye contact phobic folks do use "tricks" to maintain at least the appearance of eye contact like actually looking at the other person's nose, or mouth, instead actually looking at their eyes. But that's for folks who find it hard to make any eye contact. You seem to be overdoing eye contact. I guess that you could just mimic the other person. Look away after they look away and then look back every few milliseconds.



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15 Aug 2018, 8:41 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
In typical conversation the two participants' sets of eyes sort of dance back and forth toward and away from contact.

Probably mostly true, but it does seem to vary. but since I discovered I have ASD, I've paid more attention to watching NTs when they talk to each other, it's not uncommon (although certainly not universal) for them to literally stare into each other's eyes the whole time.


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Tawaki
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17 Aug 2018, 12:01 am

My husband looks slightly above the person's shoulder to fake eye contact. It works in casual situations, and I have a hard time noticing he's not looking directly at me.



Dan_Undiagnosed
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17 Aug 2018, 1:03 am

This is something I've thought about a lot. I'm 34 now, maybe I shouldn't even bother any more. I just wish I could do little things like this that other people take for granted. Has anyone ever tried just practicing? As in literally setting out to make casual eye contact whenever you go out, when normally you wouldn't make much at all? I never have gotten around to trying it coz by the time I'm out and about I'm always distracted by stimulus or some form of self consciousness.
I think if I did try it though it would actually be draining and have the same effect on my mind as strenuous exercise would have on my body.



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17 Aug 2018, 1:04 am

SplendidSnail wrote:
I've paid more attention to watching NTs when they talk to each other, it's not uncommon (although certainly not universal) for them to literally stare into each other's eyes the whole time.


This is true. I watch it in awe and think about how lucky they are just to have something so simple in their lives.



Wolfram87
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17 Aug 2018, 1:50 am

Look at their mouth or nose. They'll never tell the difference.


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17 Aug 2018, 2:34 am

foxant wrote:
i feel anxious doing eye contact. Mostly because when people look at me they do this face

https://previews.123rf.com/images/biala ... usting.jpg

mostly kids, like im a weirdo. Also what makes me want to do less and less eye contact is that people just turn the face away when they look at me. Its so annoying, sometimes im most feel like to do eye contact but after few people i give up. Because people turn away from me in miliseconds after doing eye contact.


Do they really make that face, or do you feel like they're making one? I ask because most people look angry or sad to me, but I know that's probably not how they feel. Sometimes it makes looking at them uncomfortable.


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naturalplastic
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17 Aug 2018, 7:15 am

SplendidSnail wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
In typical conversation the two participants' sets of eyes sort of dance back and forth toward and away from contact.

Probably mostly true, but it does seem to vary. but since I discovered I have ASD, I've paid more attention to watching NTs when they talk to each other, it's not uncommon (although certainly not universal) for them to literally stare into each other's eyes the whole time.

Hmmmm…

I dunno.

Your issue does not seem to be that you don't make eye contact (which is a common issue among spectrumites), but that you do something wrong when you do make eye contact (as evidenced by the fact that folks give you dirty looks when you do do it). So if the problem is not that youre going overboard and making too much eye contact then I am not sure what the problem is. So I couldn't say what the solution would be.



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17 Aug 2018, 7:58 am

For what it's worth, I've known of the recommendation to look at someone's forehead instead. I was skeptical because I thought even at a distance of across a table a person would have to notice that you were looking at their forehead and not their eyes thereby adding an additional layer of weirdness.

I tried the forehead experiment last night with my wife. She could not tell a difference between when I was looking at her eyes or her forehead. We have a function this weekend that will involve conversing with numerous people I've never met. I told my wife: "I'm so going to be looking at their foreheads!" We'll see how it goes.


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17 Aug 2018, 3:46 pm

practice with myself in the mirror every morning seams to work fine for me (eye contact and smile)



AnnWFoxPoint
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18 Aug 2018, 6:59 pm

I've found that you can get a lot of coverage by looking at someone's mouth.
I know what everyone's teeth look like.
It makes them happy. Which makes me happy.
Whatever works.



LadyLucifer
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19 Aug 2018, 2:33 am

I had this really crappy thearpist when I went to speacil day school in high school who actually helped me make eye contact with people. She would wave her hand in the direction I would be looking at and that would cue me to look at her. Now I mostly make eye contact with people, unless I'm going through intense anger or sadness.


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Babi dwr
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19 Aug 2018, 3:20 am

When I was a kid I was fascinated by how the eye works and spent ages looking in the mirror at mine because I wanted to see all the colours in the iris and how it moved with the light and dark.

I used to love looking at my late husbands eyes because they were just amazing the colours in there.

I have the opposite problem to you because I make too much eye contact and it either makes people uncomfy or with men they think I am interested in them. Even worst if I have to look at their mouth because I cant tune into their voice well enough so resort to lip reading. That intense eye/mouth combo is a 'flirt alarm' and it so annoying because I rarely am interested.

Try looking at your own eyes and practicing on it, to me eye contact only problematic for the above reasons not the usual aspie reasons. But I always know if someones trained to look at me by looking at other bits of my face and it drives me nuts.



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19 Aug 2018, 3:28 am

I make too much eye contact. Like I notice most people just make contact, break it, and then look all over and then come back now and again to look the other person in they eye. I have no clue about how to do that naturally so I just kind of make and keep eye contact. It is not very comfortable.

I recently bought some extremely dark sunglasses. They make all the difference. I just intend to tell people I have very light sensitive eyes, which is the truth, that takes care of small talk outside at least.


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