Dr. Phil advise mom to send autistic child away.

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYko2abImlg[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyIZhzVSWOI&feature=related[/youtube]

it seem the father is a great father but the mother sucks

So frustrating...

They made no mention of intervention services other than 'school'. That family is clearly overwhelmed at it seems they have no in home support whatsoever. This is a prime example of when and where the medical community needs to find a way to sidestep that clinical detachment and reach out and help people in crisis.

Despite the things I found cringeworthy in that, I do agree with the recommendation. It is probably best for the boy and the family to have a break from each other. The mother is clearly overwhelmed and possibly depressed. Her methods of interacting with him are potentially a big part of the problem. I, of course, have no idea of the extent or nature of the boy's dx but my gut feeling is that he has received a woefully inadequate amount of intervention. And the family clearly needs educating - good intentions are not enough to deal with these challenges. How could a doctor just hand a family a severly affected child and just walk away?

I think this story illustrates the need for a cohesive, early intervention system at the national level. Stop paying lipservice to 'no child left behind' and really make it happen. This boy, and his family have clearly been left behind. We, as a species, if we are to be jugded by our actions in some way, have reason to be ashamed. I think we should judge ourselves by how we treat the 'least' among us. This world view of 'not my problem' has GOT to go.

I totally agree.

I think a service that would really be helpful would be caretakers who would come to the home several times a week and literally help care for the child and also show the mom good ways to interact with him. This idea that parents should just be able to figure out everything on their own is a really bad one. This mother is right at the very edge. I hope Dr. Phil wasn't just doing TV babble when he said he would get them some help.

If their son goes to a care home, it may make his problems worse. And it will probably also end their marriage. But if that mom is asked to wing it for very much longer, she's going to lose it. They desperately need somebody else to step in and do some of the work and also show them better techniques for helping their son, respite care, I think it's called (if that's what respite care is).

Even disregarding possible divine judgment, if we only judge ourselves, I think we would convict ourselves of crimes against our own.

I think that the father rocks. The mother has a lot of issues. What she said about her child, really struck a chord with me. I can't believe that a mother would say such a thing about her own flesh and blood.

I've edited this post, because of my sensitive nature.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 24 May 2011, 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I couldn't agree more with you.

Acceptance isn't enough. She needs actual physical help. She doesn't know how to best take care of him and even if she did, it's too much for her to do without help. The father helps when he's home from work, but she needs more than that. She is in over her head. Getting pregnant and having a baby doesn't automatically give a person the tools they need to do things right.

I think that if this family had therapists and helpers come to their home, things could turn around for them. But merely accepting won't turn things around for them. Acceptance without resources of help easily turns into numbness in order to get through the day. She desperately needs to connect with Alex but somebody is going to have to facilitate that connection. A person who accepts without connecting just slogs numbly through the day.

The idea that parents should raise children all by themselves is a new one. It came with the nuclear family. Before that, raising children was more of a group concern. There were aunts and uncles and granparents and cousins and lots of other siblings (who were expected to help) and other people in the community (village). Taking care of a severely disabled child is more than a two person job. And in the past, it really would have been more than a two person job. Now women are considered bad mothers if they can't do it all themselves. If this family lived 400 years ago, Alex would have older siblings and probably grandma would be there too, and maybe an aunt who never got married. Extended family used to be the norm. All this extended family would have helped Alex not just by caring for him but by giving him lots of relatives to connect to so it wasn't all just o his mom and dad. It would have helped him emotionally. That isn't an option now. But if this family gets in-home help raising him, I think that would help him and his mom connect, which would save the both of them.

My Mum was ill with depression after she gave birth to me. She struggled to cope with me and when it became apparent that both me and my brother had 'something wrong' she felt inadequate and like she was a terrible mother. There is still a 'blame the parent' culture, so a lot of mothers do feel like they can't cope. I don't think it's as simple as saying that the parent should 'accept' the child no matter what because sometimes the mother might be ill or really struggling. I was quite violent and destructive when I was living at home. Putting me in care was the best and only option for our family. We are now happy and I am getting ready to move into my own house

Very sad all the way around....this is a lose/lose scenario as it stands. The problem is a system that just perpetuates a problem such as this. I can feel for this mom. She's clearly overwhelmed with trying to be a good mom, but I'll bet money that she's never received any (or little) counseling on how to care for her son. Nor does it look like she has any support groups to back her up (this includes her own husband). This whole family is suffering due to lack of adequate support. And how often is the mom to blame? If you have not walked in her shoes, shame on you for casting stones. She needs help, it's crystal clear. But placing blame on her helps no one. Maybe she grew up with bad parents herself & never had good parenting models. She also clearly feels guilty about not knowing how to handle her son. Our society loves blaming people, but most of us don't live in this situation. For the doctor to just send this child home with mom & dad & not offer up a list of counselors is just as guilty for not providing for the family's needs. Also, I'm sure there's a pediatrician who's talked to this family....why hasn't he/she offered up some kind of support group? Once the family gets some help, things may look less chaotic & more under control.

This boy needs to be in counseling as do the rest of the family. He may be non-verbal, but he may very well be able to learn some American Sign Language as well as some basic life skills. The whole family needs to have adequate care at this time so they can deal with raising their son, & helping him along the way. But if you have no support or counseling, this is exactly how things end up. I hope Dr. Phil can get this family the help they so desperately need.

Tomboy

"Keep your legs closed" is the most offensive line ever you could say to a parent or about them. I hear that a lot at Babycenter and to me it means "Oh I don't give a s**t if you are having troubles, your depression/anxiety/stress is nothing."

I am so sick of people acting like parents have no right to be stressed out or struggle just because they have a special needs child and then looking down on them like they are bad guys because they can't handle it.

I can sympathize with the mother. Maybe if they got the help they need, the mother feel better and not be as stressed.

Honestly if someone said that line to me, I would punch them. I wouldn't care if I got charged for it. That is how sick I am of the world and judgmental people. I hate them.

I apologize for the comment that I've made. I'm very sensitive about what the mother said about her son, because I went to Elementary School with bullies who thought that I should have been aborted. There was one curly haired boy who was really bad about that opinion. I come here to relax and I feel that I'm getting shot for making the wrong comment.

Let's all realize that this is a subject very close to home for many of us.

The mom in that story did say she didn't think she was mentally capable of raising a child with this many challenges. How or why the downs testing that is available failed her wasn't explained in any way but, completely irrelevant now that the child is here. And she did say she was determined to make the best of this - I have no doubt that she loves her son. Her family, husband included, basically abandoned her to raise this boy largely on her own. We do not know why she never sought outside help nor why there seems to be a sever lack of services in place for this boy. All I saw was a woman at the end of her rope trying her best to handle circumstances that she is clearly poorly qualified to tackle but especially on her own.

Parents of completely normal kids reach the end of their rope at times too. Raising a kid is no joke. And raising a kid with a larger compliment of challenges is too big of a challenge for many people. She tried for 12 years. She not only needed a break but she needs an education. All she can see is a bundle of horrifying behaviors. She needs help to see her son.

I remember watching that episode when it aired and I cried throughout that portion. To me that mother is very brave to air her suffering nationally. Mothers are demonized and given no sympathy when overwhelmed. Her husband is not good. He is leaving his wife, supposedly his love, all day to deal with this without giving any hint of helping her cope. She is interacting in the way she is because she is burnt out without any relief in sight. And I can't blame her for that.

I know I couldn't handle a child like that. Her life is my nightmare. I won't live that life.

"Keep your legs closed" <-- This is absolutely, completely disgusting and uncalled for.

My personal opinion is the mother is not good. she would of aborted him if she knew he had down syndrome how do that make her good?

I can relate. I wish my birth mother had aborted me, instead of bringing me into an uncaring world. It's been a miserable existence for the most part. I think this mom meant that she knew she wasn't prepared to be a parent to a kid with so many challenges. Can't really blame her as she's very much overwhelmed by the entire situation. She's also home all day trying to deal with him with no outside support. He's got to be very challenging at best....probably draining at worst. How do you know you would do better in her circumstances?