Meltdown: How to get by

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Hello,

This is my first post in this forum. I've visited this page earlier to read tips and hints on dealing with aspergers, and I've got a lot of help from that.

I'm a 22 year old man, I live in Norway, I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 16. Socially I'm currently doing a OK. Better than 2-3 years ago. I have a couple of friends and like to hang out with them in my free time.


For the time beeing I'm experiencing quite a troublesome time :-/ My issue is related to social gatherings which involves alcohol. I've been going to partys with my friends since I was old enough to drink (18). I've learned a lot from interacting with people at these parties.

But even though the partying have never been "just great". To relieve my nervousness at the parties I've also been drinking alcohol, because I feel that its easier to get in touch with people when I'm not that anxious and nervous. The problem is that when I drink I dont know when to stop... And then it often ends up with me drinking to much. This is also usually when I suffer mostly fro my meltdowns.


On new years eve, me and my girlfriend went to a party at a friend of mine. Everything was fine in the beginning, but after a while I noticed that I was the only one at the party who was in a party mood (I wanted to dance, and turn up the music). My girlfriend and my other friends just wanted to talk and relax.

This had a negative impact on me, since I wanted to party. I then drank a bit more then what I should have done, but i managed to keep my temper during the party. It was not until me and my girlfriend went home to my moms place (where I live) that the meltdown started.

Since I had forgot my key I had to call my mom, who was still out, and thats when it all started (My meltdown).
I started yelling at her on the phone, cursing her, and saying the most cruel things. All this while my girlfriend listened. I also managed to say that I didnt want to live anymore, and that I wanted to hang myself. This made my girlfriend start crying...and all i did was to stand there like i didnt even care...

Offcourse these thoughts arent true, but once said they cannot be unsaid. But when i talk with my mom, which also is the person which I canalise my anger towards, I've said such things to her before. And then you have the factor that I was drunk also...

Before new years my life was actually going pretty great. Me and my girlfriend became a couple just before christmas, and I was super exited and happy.

Now the only thing that I think of is this stupid incident were I hurt the people that i love the most. I honestly want to be a good person...but i also think so little of myself because of this incident.

This is the first meltdown incident involving alcohol that my girlfriend have experienced. But as explained earlier I have been going to parties since i was 18 years old, and almost evry time Its ended with a meltdown as the one i described above.

I've now pledged to her that I'm to stop drinking at parties and other sociall gatherings that involves alcohol for the time beeing. This is also what I myself think is for the best.

Me and my girlfriend have also talked about the incident as well, and she tells me that its OK. She says she still loves me and that were gonna get through this. But even though I cant help feeling sad :-/

I'm anxious that I wont be able to put this incident behind me, and that that will lead to us breaking up...
I really want to make this work...I really do... I've talked with some of my friends about it and they also say that I will cope, and that this will work out. But even though I still dont feel convinced/relaxed. All I want is for us (me and my girlfriend) to have a happy time again, and to learn from and forget this sad incident...

I'm very thankfull if someone would take the time to read through this and give me a reply. Thank you in advance.

Best Regards,
Kristoffer.

PS: Sorry for my bad english...

It sounds like not drinking is the best thing to do.

Yeah....I would have to agree.

I agree, but my problem now is what to do now afterwards.

After each meltdown I struggle with remorse and guilt. I feel so bad for the people I love who witnessed rhe scene.

My friends are telling me that I should stop thinking about this incident, but still learn from it offcourse. And that it will be okay, and thats what my girlfriend also tells me.

But even tho they try to reassure me I still feel like a horrible person :-/

I also worry about if my girlfriend will think less of me since i cant control my drinking and therefore have to stop drinking? She will still continue to drink, but thats no problem for me. Im just afraid that she doesnt think Im good enough for her anymore. She hasnt said anything like that but still I worry a bit.

On the other side it can also just be me who overdramatizes it, and read to much into the situation.

Thank you for answers.