Reaching out when struggling.

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When I am having a hard time all I want is to get away from people. But I also feel this massive need to reach out, in the hope that someone will take away the pain/anxiety/panic/anger/depression. I can become too needy of others (in the past my therapist or teachers) and can't give myself the validation of my experience. Why do I need someone else to calm down, someone else to acknowledge that I am struggling?

Anyone else relate?

I relate.

Good question, I wish I knew the answer...

I reached back out to WP in the fall of 2009 when I was struggling with things, and now I can't stay away.

Relate? You just described my biggest social flaw.

I first realised it in 1979 while talking deeply with a hippie friend. I knew at once how sad that was, to be unable to lean on anybody else, ever.

But there are a lot of flavours of leaning - there's a desperate, submissive kind when you collapse in a soggy heap and beg for help, then there's more casual stuff like asking what the time is, then there's calling in favours.

Generally I haven't got much better at this. It's possibly worse in my case because of an insecure upbringing. For some reason I seem to have become very good at keeping any need of anybody else very well hidden, so my requests for help are usually made in a "I don't really much care if I get this or not" kind of a way.

Interesting that you get a strong urge to lean, as well as the aversion to it. I'm just the same. I guess the aversion causes an intense hunger for nurturance, as we've denying ourselves access to it for so long. That makes it all the harder to reach out, I think.

i also prefer to have others around me when i'm struggling mentally, while still being alone, so the other just *being* there, while any actual attempt from that person to comfort me only makes me worse...

i have theorised a little, and i think this has to do with a feeling of safety; having someone you trust nearby will put you at ease knowing that any 'danger' will be seen by the other person, and you will be warned, meaning your mind can totally relax and cope with whatever it's struggling with a lot better then when i'm alone, and therefor still have to pay attention to my surroundings (subconciously)

Its funny though because I tend to push away the people that are physically close to me- I want NO ONE in the house when I am upset. And then try to pull closer those that really can't provide me with what I need (like my psychologist who has a life of her own and doesn't want to be contacted at all hours with somewhat desperate sms messages).

I can relate too. For me, as much as I would love to have actual support, I have an extremely difficult time trusting anyone.