"You look really thrilled to be here"

Post Reply New Topic

I had this said to me out of nowhere yesterday at work by a random customer. I was actually in a perfectly good mood when she said it. I didn't know how to respond, so I tried to smile and just mumbled, "Oh... yeah" and she left me alone.

Stuff like this isn't new to me, I'm often told that I look mad or unhappy or someone encourages me to smile. I've had friends, family members, coworkers, customers, and complete strangers telling me this from time to time for as long as I can remember. I once had a coworker nickname me "Sunshine" at work. It was humiliating.

It's really a lose-lose situation for me. If I'm in a good mood, it immediately frustrates me and annoys me. If I'm in a bad mood it just makes me feel worse.

What do I do? And how should I even respond when someone says this to me? It makes me uncomfortable and I'd like this to stop, but I don't know what to say or do to make it happen.

I have no idea. But when you find out, let me know! I have the same problem.

typical of folks like us, your facial expression doesn't really say what you are genuinely feeling, tell people that if you are comfortable with it.

Thanks. I'll try that. It may help with my coworkers, at least. There's probably not much I can do about customers.

tell them that they look great lol. call the coworker prince charming

I've had the exact same thing happen to me several times, including the "Sunshine" remark!

I've had people come up to me and say, "Hey, is everything OK?" or "Hey, did I do something to piss you off?" It's even happened on the phone. I had a friend who would call me up and when I answered she'd say, "Are you OK? You sound depressed?" It took her a while to get that it's just the way I am.

As far as how to respond, well, you could go the proper route and explain that your expression doesn't always match how you feel, or follow my advice and have a little bit of devilish fun at the other person's expense. For example, I had a supervisor who would ask me, "Did I do something to piss you off?" My response: "Not yet." Or if my supervisor said, "Hey, sunshine," I'd say, "I asked you not to call me that at work" while batting my eyelashes. It was particularly funny considering my supervisor was a guy. Exercise caution, though, as these responses could potentially get you in trouble. But it is fun to watch them squirm.

Oh god, I HATE when neurotypicals are like this. They're the kind of morons I have to deal with everytime I'm out in public. Who the f**k think it's even socially appropriate to point out or tease us for having the wrong facial expression? These people think that provoking us is the way to make us smile or show the appropriate facial expression. What they're really doing is relentlessly and cruelly torment, mock, and ridicule aspies for their own amusement because getting us to smile when we're not is their way of making themselves feel good or get them a good laugh.

You may not believe me but I can tell when people are only doing this to make fun of me or give me a hard time and that's usually about 99.99% of the time.

NT's are going to try and cheer you up when they think you are down or grumpy or unhappy in someway. The comments and the nickname aren't necessarily insults. They sound more like good natured teasing to coax a smile from you.

They really are trying to help even if it doesn't seem that way. A smile and 'thanks' will make them feel like they accomplished their mission even if you are just doing it to get them to leave you alone.

One of the first steps in trying to get them to understand you is reaching out to understand them...

I didn't find it all that hard to learn to smile more. Maybe that's just me...

JTHM helped a lot, and customers and coworkers don't have to know why I smiled.

JtHM? I love that comic. Jhonen Vasquez is great.

I get that a lot. Daily, actually. I am usually daydreaming or perfectly content when they say that. I usually just give them a grin and that is enough to make them happy.

I get that to people telling me to smile I just say to them "You can't look like a cheshire cat all the time"

My nanna used to tell me to smile all the time it really annoyed me.
All it does is make you angry when people do that.

I get that all the time. I just tell the person that I am thrilled to be at whatever place I'm at.

This is one of the many things that drove me nearly to insanity at my last job. I would get the whole "you seem thrilled to be here" or "you should smile more" or "always so serious" or some passive criticism like that. Whatever my neutral expression is, it makes people think i'm unhappy or uncomfortable. What gets me is the condescending, service-class reiterating gem, where the customer is actually vocally expressing about your not having that usual retail veneer they seem to expect - as though the pretense matters more than the actual state of the employee - because the customer deserves a "pleasant shopping experience" and that means a make-believe world where humans are friendly, smiling, smarmy, robotic pushovers. [sarcasm] I'm not cynical about the public ... not at all. [/sarcasm]

I get the above to the point as I have been told someone thought they saw me but the person was smiling so couldn't have been me.

i've been dealing with this stuff all my life. it's really irritating being told you are in a bad mood or overserious when you're neutral or don't even know how you're feeling and aren't paying attention to it at all.

i used to get angry. now if i have any energy i'll feign a smile but usually say something like "i'm fine" and relocate. if someone who doesn't know me is going to pick me apart, they can have about two seconds of my time to do so, then i'm moving on.

I've had that happen to me a few times. People always tell me I look serious or angry.