Birth Partner

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I'm due to be a birth partner for my NT friend in the next few weeks and i'm worried about how i'll cope. She's having a home birth, which is fine, i'm the oldest of six kids and my mum had most of hers at home, but i was never there. I know that your supposed to be very supportive and calming and help out but i don't know how well i'll be able to cope with the situation, it being one i've never encountered before.
I was wondering if anyone has had any experiance of this, or could offer any suggestions of how i can be there for my friend.

Thanks.

I imagine that just being there will be a big help. It may be the main reason for wanting you there-a friend, someone she can trust.

Tell her your worries and ask her to write down what she might expect of you. She may wish to hold your hand, she may wish to talk to you. Every birth is different, so I would say take things as they go with the birth. Or ask your mother what she wanted from her birth partner (if she had one.)

Julie

Let me PM you sometime about that.

Captain Brown, PM her as soon as possible. If she didn't want/need ANY advice you can offer, she would not have asked.

Julie

I was there when both of my grandbabies were born. I was awake when my daughter was born (ouch) so I knew how it was supposed to go.
It was important to my daughter to have me near, even though I really didn't do much. At one point she got so uncomfortable that she didn't want anyone to touch her or talk to her. But sometimes it's nice to have someone you trust near to wipe your face or hold you hand, and offer encouragement.

If you've never seen a birth before, you may want to try to get a video of a birth, and maybe find some reading material on being a childbirth "coach"-I bet they have these online somewhere.

Thanks guys

I have seen lots of birth programmes on tv and my friend is a student midwife. She's told me loads of things about birth, including the things that can go wrong. In fact i'm a bit of a walking birth encyclopedia at the moment. And i have asked her to tell me explicitly or write down things that she needs me to know/do. However, she knows me really well and she isn't expecting much from me anyway. She says that she'll proably just squeeze me hand and i'll proably 'phase out' and not be capable of anything else. She's proably right but i DON'T want to be like that, i wont to be helpful and supportive and that's why i was wondering if anyone else had ever done this or maybe, having had children themselves, could tell me what i might be able to do that would be helpful.
I know that all births are different but i really want to be a good birth partner for my friend.
I will also check out birth partners on the net.

I've had two homebirths, one midwife-assisted and the other unassisted--just my husband, my older child and myself.

It's great that you're going to be able to be there to witness your friend's birth.

My advice is to just be there as help if asked, but if she wants space, then stay out of the way. Let her know that if she wants you to do something for her, to let you know. When she enters transition, and if during that time she starts saying that she can't do it, then speak up and encourage her. Tell her she CAN do it and that it's almost over (b/c when a woman starts saying that and acting that way, it's almost time to push, which is usually enjoyable).

If she needs her back rubbed, offer to do it. If she needs cold cloths for her neck and/or head, get them. If she needs a drink, get one. Remind her to go pee every so often, if you're there for several hours. My last labor was only two hours and fifteen minutes!

I hope everything goes well!

~Tara~

I think its really cool you were asked to be a birth partner. Really I think you should feel extremely honored to be asked to share such a special moment with a friend. Just be there for her, whatever she asks you during that time. Mostly she probably just wants emotional support and a hand to hold on to. If the birth gets complicated or prolonged you need to be able to keep your calm for her and reassure her.

Hi

I think that it's great that your going to be there for your friend, I'm sure that just having someone around that she knows and trusts will be a big help.

I've had 3 children and my hubby was there each time. To be honest he didn't do much, except pass me sips of water when needed, but I liked the fact that he was there. I think the best thing to do is make a birth plan with her so that you know what she wants and can speak for her when she's unable to.

Also bear in mind that sometimes things don't go according to plan – she may not get her homebirth or there may be complications resulting in a last minute admission to hospital.This can be very disappointing/upsetting.

Another thing to consider is that labour can take a long time, especially for a first child. With my first, it took 24 hours, which is a long time, but labours of 8 or 9 hours are not uncommon. This can get pretty boring for a birth partner, so it may be worth bringing a book. (I know it sound horrible, but my hubby spent most of my labour reading and chatting to the midwife – it didn't bother me in the least, I just wanted to withdraw and get on with it, and that's quite typical)

I hope it all goes well