Panic at the Comic Con

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Thanks everyone at WP for being here--just writing this out helps.

I'm feeling anxious about going to Comic Con this year. In addition to the usual high stress of being around soooooo many people, I'm obsessing about possibly running into a man from work who yelled at me (it was the third strike for that place, so I stopped working there).

I don't want to see him because his smugness just makes me want to pop him one, and since I am not a pop-em-one kind of person, I then think of vengeful things to do, like starting rumors that are true, so I guess just spreading truth in the form of gossip. Then because I don't want to be vengeful, I think about telling him he was disrespectful, he mistreated me and he bullied me, and would he had done so if he had known I have high functioning autistic syndrome? Then I wonder why I should have to tell people at work that I am a classified disabled person--shouldn't they just treat people well? And so on.

Number of perseverating thoughts this morning: about a thousand

If I feel this way tomorrow, I may not go.

When I am nervous about going someplace social i try to think about what will be there that I really enjoy! Think of all the cool things you will see an be able to do.

Thanks for the support and good advice.

I'm still having perseverative thoughts but my anxiety level has gone way down.

This morning I was able to play the what's-the-worst-thing-that-can-happen scenario out in my head. Then I was able to laugh at my own behavior.

Things always seem to go better when I can see how funny I act sometimes, like the number of times I stumble and trip per day or the number of times I go into a room for something only to get distracted and forget, then return later when i do remember but repeat the same process. Hahaha!

Even though it doesn't usually come to me quickly, laughing seems to help break the pattern I'm into at the moment, maybe because it breaks the tension I'm feeling, if only for that moment needed to head in a different direction.

I think I will be so overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds and people that I won't have time to worry about this guy, and, if I do somehow run into him, I will most likely tell him the truth about my condition and that he was wrong to yell at me. Ththth to him!