Think I'm losing it

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I'm seriously starting to think I'm going into some kind of burnout state here... I dunno, I'm losing skills right and left. It's just getting frustrating.

I'm losing my ability to figure out what time means. I've been missing appointments constantly. I lost a whole month somewhere and I don't know where I put it--I mean, I have the memories; it just didn't feel like a month. It feels like it should still be winter. Time is speeding up and I don't know what to do about it. Well, obviously my perception of time is off; logically. I've never had too good a time sense but it's really screwed up now.

Taking care of myself is taking more and more effort. I count myself lucky if I end the day with the apartment clean, me and the cats fed. It feels like an accomplishment to clean the bathroom.

I'm finding it impossible to keep up with schoolwork. It's not that I'm any dumber; it's just that I can't seem to organize well enough to get down to it. I didn't turn in a research paper that I'm perfectly capable of writing because I couldn't think about how to do it. I've been doing some of my math homework but much slower than the rest of the class.

My psychiatrist thought I might be getting another depressive episode and put me on Zoloft. But this doesn't feel like depression. I don't feel emotionless or tired all the time; nor have I lost ability to take pleasure in things. It just feels like everything's too complicated, for some reason.

Dunno what I'm supposed to do about this. I'm not even sure it's real. I keep telling myself I'm just lazy and I need to start working again, but when I try it just seems too complicated.

I get this same way when I am depressed. I feel alright in my mood, but I just can't get things done.

One time I didn't get it treated for a year, and it went all the way to me lying in bed 24/7 unable to even feed myself, because I couldn't figure out how to get a clean plate and microwave some leftovers -- was too complicated. Resorted to cold cheese on a dirty plate. Was too complicated to shower or dress, either, couldn't figure out the steps. Had to be forceably dressed and taken to the psychiatrist by concerned relatives. Kept telling them I did not feel depressed.

I can see why your psychiatrist thinks it's depression, and maybe you should give antidepressants a try anyway. I got better very quickly when they switched me to Cymbalta. I am 90% back to normal.

I'm already on antidepressants, actually; have been for the past... uh... some time. I'm pretty sure it's been three months or more because I've gone through some refills.

Exactly. In my own case, the simplest things have become like difficult ones, and I must constantly remind myself of their true simplicity as well as find good reason for requiring myself to actually do them.

Tell your psychiatrist that Zoloft isn't working, and he will switch it up for you. If you want to, try Cymbalta. My psychiatrist, who is very good, informed me that Cymbalta has a better success rate than others. I've been on many others myself and they never worked as well.

You are not losing it. You are certainly not lazy. It's merely an imbalance in serotonin or some such thing. Not your fault.

That's how I get when I'm overwhelmed.
Take a moment to create a schedule for yourself, so that on any given day you can look at the schedule, know that if you follow it all your bases will be covered for the week.

It also helps to set weekly/monthly goals. ie: finish xx assignment. Talk to prof about extensions. Make appt with psych. etc.

You can make a table in Word, colour code it, add you basic schedule, and print it out. Use it to keep yourself on track.

It does sound like burnout to me.

I've gone through two burnouts in my life. One was in 7th grade, when I couldn't handle the complexities of junior high compared to grade school. I didn't do my homework, and when I did, I didn't bother to turn it in. Exactly like it was too difficult to do anything practical. Like I wanted to live in my head all the time. After I got over that, I actually became more social and better at communication, and I was able to maintain that for years.

Until grad school, when I went through my second burnout. I couldn't do much of anything during it, but I didn't feel depressed either. It took me a couple of years to recover. Afterwards, all my issues became more severe than they had been since I was a kid. That was how I ended up getting therapy and getting diagnosed. It was like I had been functioning for too long at a level that I couldn't sustain, and it all collapsed down to a much lower level over a short time period. My sensory issues are worse than ever before, but my mind is sharper and more creative than when I was functioning at a higher social level, and I've gained some skills that I didn't have before. It was like the external world became more distressing, and the internal world opened up to compensate, like a withdrawal inwards.

Is your school almost done for the summer? Maybe take a long break afterwards? I know from personal experience that burnouts are dangerous and should be avoided at all cost.

I have that all the time, it comes and goes, you usually have to find something you REALLY LOVE to occupy yourself and you might just get better, it works with me but takes time.

I have a deep malaise in my spirit as of late.

Callista, I think its hard to really get an answer here on WP for you. My opinions usually include references to holistic health and an alternative approach to health.

I find that creating a checklist of offending habits and working through them one by one can fault find and indicate to you, which of your activities and/or **thought forms** may be the culprit.

Addressing diet and exercise should be #1 on the list. Toxicity from medications should never be dismissed too quickly either.

Losing ones religion, or other deep spiritual crossroads and speed bumps need be included with those purely physical considerations.

I am currently reviewing my day to day activities with much discernment. Presently, I find my past activities no longer satisfying, and need to stimulate my spirit with something new. However that 'something' is not so quickly forthcoming.

Prayer or meditation may help to bring you insight. Good luck

It sounds to me like you just need to take a break and "chillax." It sure seems like you expect too much of yourself.

you need to relax, chill out, dont let aspergers get the best of you.

I don't know if it is the feeling that you are describing yet:

I know when assignments and just general life requirements started to pile up for me, I started to loose time as well. It wasn't that I was unwilling to do the work, but when I sat down to work all I could think of was all the upcoming tasks that I needed to complete, when they were due and how little time I had. The looming thought that I lacked the time necessary to complete everything I was committed to do, started to destroy my ability to do anything productive, then started increasing the insomnia.

I was an engineering student at the time as well, between the constant feeling of being rushed and losing the ability to sleep, what normally comes naturally became nearly impossible. A case of numerical dyslexia that is normally light/manageable, got to the point were I would struggle to copy out a number from one sheet to another and the matrix work required made me physically nauseous. I couldn't visualize any of the problems properly. After realizing I had spent 20mins dazed in the cereal isle of the local grocery, repeatedly forgetting what brand I was looking for, searching, realizing the store doesn't carry what I'm looking for ... (confused pause) ... what should I look for next ... oh Cereal! (repeat). I had serious concerns that I had started to loose my marbles as well.

The only way I found to get out was starting to decide things to drop/not hand in (long before they were due), and breaking the work into chunks of 4-5 days, then declaring days in between where I would be in no way productive. Deciding tasks and commitments that I was going to drop and never consider again was the most effective. Before that everything was getting partially done, but with nothing complete it would never leave my mind causing me to not sleep or relax, with 85% of things fully complete and 15% concluded irrelevant it got allot better. It sort of regained a sense of control as well, in the decision of what work is important and what will get thrown out.

These things are not unlike my own burnout. I still have issues with time like that, and have for years, and it is really frustrating when I remember to think about it. I have had a lot of issues with things seeming too complex, and this is independent of my depression, and I don't think it's even related.

Sometimes I feel like I know how to do all these things, at least in a textbook way, but there's a gap between where I am and where I need to be to do them. Like if I had to be taught ten steps to cook a meal, and someone only taught me steps 4-10, expecting me to just know 1-3, and working out 1-3 is often hard.

What often helps me untangle these things is to handle it externally - like your list of instructions on how to clean a room. Sometimes that can bridge the gap, sometimes it makes it worse.

I wish I had good advice, but I've been trying to get out of a similar state for years now, but I think it usually gets better with reduced stress - if a break from school is at all possible, that might be worthwhile, or what Huntedman suggested.

As far as it goes, this kind of thing served more as a trigger for depression rather than being caused by it. For me it was a matter of working too hard (writing) and completely crashing and burning, trying to go to school without fully recovering and hitting a wall. I went from straight A's to barely being able to comprehend some of my textbooks - and this was material I had covered before and was familiar with. This unfortunately was followed up with a massive series of panic attacks when I tried to push through the burnout - but I suspect the panic disorder may have been instigated partially by my use of ephedra and diet soda (aspartame), although I had panic attacks prior to this incident. The third time was a second attempt at writing, I took on too much work and was unable to continue, so crashed and burned instead.

I hope that things get better for you, soon. Take it easy and take care of yourself. I also agree about going to see someone to talk about it.

Ephedra AND caffeine? Yeah, that'll do it. I used to drink way too much coffee before I started taking Concerta; that definitely added to my issues--caffeine causes physical tension. But that was a year ago, so I don't think it's related.

You know, usually I would be flipping out over my grades. But right now I just don't care. It's like, it seems much less important to get the grades I need than it is not to have to struggle through anything else. It almost reminds me of how when you're in pain, you'll do anything to get it to stop, and everything else fades in importance even though rationally it shouldn't. Only I'm not in pain. It's just the same effect. I don't know why.

has your routine changed?

when my daily routine changes i get really confused until i adapt to it. confused as in: i can't figure out what time it is or what to do when i get up, my sleep patterns go berzerk, i get distracted more easily, and find it much harder to prioritize and remember tasks.