Have you had to de-escalate accusations of "disrespect"?

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A tough one for us ASD/HFA folks at the best of times, let alone the worst of them - but have you ever been blindsided by an irate accusation of disrespect, and if so what are your tactics?

I put "disrespect" in quotations in the subject line, b/c sometimes it can be very subjective, or unlucky i.e. you happened to invoke something that was more obliquely related to a certain person's circumstance or background, or it affronted something he/she held "sacred" from their point of view...and especially if it's something NTs would have been expected to intuitively know.

Or it could have just been some macho-meathead emotionally unhinged individual, and the accusation was completely bogus just for them to get a perverse thrill out of watching you cringe -but such miscreants are thankfully rare.
(Or they become cops - sorry, couldn't resist )

Disrespect requires some intention on your part toward the individual. How do they know they are not misinterpreting you? Ask them to clarify the "disrespect" and then you have a point of reference to address that.

Constantly.

The other day I saw an author's name "Francis" on a book I was reading alongside a female friend. I assumed it was a man. It turns out it was a woman. I got gently lectured about implicit bias, but I honestly just didn't know that Francis could be a woman's name. I tried to explain. Not sure it helped.

Similarly, last month in a group discussion I asked about a paper I couldn't quite remember, inquiring "What about Bob's paper on that topic?" Well, I had he name of last author correct, but the first author was a woman who happened to be in the room at the time. I got a gentle verbal lashing about that too. The only reason I remembered his name instead of hers was because he talked to me about this project at length in person several years ago, whereas she and I had never talked about it before. I tried to explain. Once again, not sure if it just sounded like an excuse.

Another time (when I was still in school) I saw a few people dressed as power rangers in a park. I recognized several, but not one of them. I asked "Who is the black ranger?" to my friends standing next to me. Everyone got offended, because they thought I was asking about John (a black man) who was dressed as the green ranger. I was not. I was asking about the white woman in the black ranger outfit. Even when I explained myself I got the sense that people didn't believe me, suggesting I was just covering up my racism.

I think some people have experienced really negative stuff in their life and so are easily triggered. I try not to take it to heart. I have to operate under the assumption that my actions speak louder than my words. I tell myself that people who pay attention will see that I am simply easily misinterpreted.

Or mods , sorry, couldn't resist either

In drivers ed, I(age 14) was completely blindsided by the instructor one day. A big athletic man that was also a PE teacher and sports coach. We were taking a classroom test. I finished my test early so I went out into the hallway to get a drink of water. I came back. Eventually everyone else finished and made there way into the hallway. I went back out and got a second drink of water and then came back again. I was the only other person in the classroom with the teacher. He started screaming at me for going out into the hallway twice and some nonsense about disrespect/superiority over other students. I can't quite remember. I was just thirsty, I dry out like a salamander. The teacher figured out pretty quickly that he had traumatized me, and that I wasn't being a little s***head. I was just a shrimpy nervous kid who didn't know he had ASD and couldn't connect with anyone meaningfully. That was a really bad day.

In standard American Jiu Jitsu classes, one of the things you are made to do is apologize, profusely, loudly, and without pause, for 5 straight minutes, while a practice partner gets in your face and screams the vilest abuse at you and threatens to beat you up. Whether autistic or NT, for this exercise you have to mask and mask effectively like someone who really does regret whatever he had just done to disrespect some other person.

That training exercise can save your life, and it got me out of a bad situation. I give it 10 out of 10, definitely would recommend.

Yes. Most of the time it was due to being misunderstood. I just had to clarify what I meant and it usually wasn't a problem.

Quite a lot and it wasn't always possible.
Some people take various actions or inactions as personal insults and they can't be convinced it was otherwise.
Like, my MIL was gravely insulted when I didn't offer her cookies... because I didn't have any at home, which was apparently absolutely unimaginable for her.
Some people get offended when I do literally what they say they want. I just don't have an idea how to deal with them except for avoiding such people.