Aspergers and women and girls

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Me too! Although I loved brownies, the cubs and scouts got to do way more cool stuff. Now, my son goes to cubs and girls are allowed too, There are a few girls in the pack.
I've always been a bit of a tomboy, I never wear dresses or skirts, un;ess its fancy dress. I love combat pants and t shirts with boots. I never do anything with my hair apart from wash it and let it dry unless I'm going out somewhere, and even then I don't often bother. Not that I go out often, a night out for me is probably once every couple of years.
I wouldn't say I dislike being a woman, but that doesn't explain why I always cover the bathroom mirror with a long towel before I have a shower.
I don't really have friends, If I had 48 hour days I might have enough time to get some? but I am never bored. I spend a lot of time with my family (fairly large family) and there are people that I like to spend time with, and care about, but I don't feel any kind of drive to spend lots of time with them like some women are with their friends.
I'm much more comfortable in the company of men, so long as they don't get any funny ideas!
I'm happily married to a man who scores 30 on the aq (I score 44), I think that explains why we get on so well. I think he cheated and scores more like a 35 at least.

I'm really happy with my life now, although the years between being 12 and 22 were really baaaad. I am aboslutely convinced I could have got a diagnosis at 10 or younger, but it wasn't available, and now as an adult I don't have that option. some of my kids are getting assessed atm)

If I had known there was a reason why I am the way I am, school would have been a much easier place to be. People say asperger's labels are a bad thing. Not compared to the labels I got in school!

Reading this thread had made me even more sure I am aspie. I can relate to so many of the comments here. Nice to hear all of your comments

An aspie guy was the on who first said to me, "you do realize you are on the spectrum, right?" I thought he was nuts. I raised a now-26-yr-old son who is aspie. We have some similarities but he is very very masculine and even his aspieness is guy-aspieness.

This guy also told me, "you say things that other people only think" we were in a relationship and I think my bluntness bothered him, athough I don't think of it as bluntness. For example one day I asked him why he looks at softporn stuff on Flickr. He was FURIOUS. I was not judging him. I was trying to understand, since I have no interest in porn.

But my most noticeable dirrerences are sensory. I have to run, swing and bounce every day to feel right. I have to keep earplugs with me for unexpected loud situations. I don't like to be casually hugged, even by my mom. My sons probably did not get enought hugging from me although i try to make a conscious effort to remember to hug them after long separations. most unnatural smell give me an instant headache, although I love the smell of manure when they spread itin the corn fields.

Another thing is I am good alone. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone but for now I am not very sad. I have 3 cats too, and a dog.

I only like to eat certain textures. Sometimes I crave textures. I have an incredilby high threshold for pain, but if somebody does that thing to me where they give a gentle slap on the back or the arm in conversation, I have an intense urge to belt them. I HATE that thing guys do when they kiss you on the cheek asa a greeting. I usually hold out my had for a shake.

People i work with find me to be naive and i dress differently but i just wear what is comfy. Lots skirts and tights.

i love hearing from all of you.

I try very hard to not fit any stereotypes, both as a girl and as someone on the spectrum.

I've progressed over time in that I'm aware of my behaviour, have conciously learned basic social skills and (conciously) use them daily. I guess I'm a typical girl, I wear makeup most of the time and love dressing up. However, I'm not as into image and appearance as much as other girls are, simply because I feel you are hiding your true self more, and all that effort is a waste of time and money if people will like you anyway without name brands and a tan. I also buy 90% of my clothes from thrift stores. As well, I have some interests that aren't really traditionally suitable for a girl. To name a few: societal chaos scenarios, nuclear war, the emergency broadcast system, and jet airplanes. I am also bisexual, but take the feminine role when in a girl/girl couple. I'm a lipstick lesbian.

One girl I mentor with AS is hyper-feminine and grew up in a family where the focus is on image and appearance, which worries me sometimes, but I am helping her see beyond that...well, as much as I can. She is currently in school taking makeup artistry and even has a youtube channel where she demonstrates looks she has created.

As a girl, I have had problems in the recent past with...promiscuity. When I was further developing my social skills, I would often use guys who were sexually interested in me for socialization practice and as people to spend time with. at the time, I did not realize that they weren't treating me with respect and that I deserved better. About 4-5 years ago, I had very little friends and looked to a sleazy internet chat site called Tagged to meet guys to socialize with. I chatted with whoever I could find, regardless of whether I was attracted to them or not.

This is really interesting!

You could each be describing me, you know .

Before I'd ever heard of AS, I've always had far more male friends than female friends. Currently I have 15 male friends and 1 female. And she's a tomboy.
I've never worn make up - I hate the sensation, smell, falsity, expense and masking of it.
I can barely read body language, so if men have ever been interested in me, they've had to work really hard to let me know. It took my BF a year of work before I noticed he was interested!
I am a complete tomboy, mostly wear jeans and a SF nerd t-shirt with my hair pulled back, yet men have still be interested in me. I've never understood that. For what it's worth, I can clean up quite nicely, and I have a particular fetish for chiffon dresses with 50's hats, but let's face it, I'd still rather be in my jeans. With the hat.
I don't always understand sex, and the manner in which I approach it seems to weird out a lot of NT's. Simply put, when I hit 32 and still hadn't lost my virginity, I advertised myself online, met a random guy and did it. Seemed perfectly practical to me, but for some reason this horrifies the women who've heard about it. The reason I ended up with my BF was because he offered to give me sex lessons and I wanted a teacher without all that messy emotional stuff. A year later, he declared his love for me, which really puzzled me. He had sex on tap, why would he need to declare love? It made no sense. We still have difficulties with me not understanding why he loves me, but bless him, he keeps trying!

Hmm... I tend to relate to NT's in a masculine way. That is, I've always felt androgynous and tended to be friends with men. Some men are comprehensible (I say some, because there are plenty of illogical men that drive me absolutely insane).

I don't relate to normal women at all. I can communicate with them and appreciate that they derive pleasure from various activities, but we don't... uh... connect really. That is, I have no maternal drive (which isn't the same as wishing to not reproduce), I don't look down on men, I don't like shopping or shoes, I don't understand fashions, I have no idea why you'd want a dog in your purse, and so forth. Now, I know this only describes a subset of female NT, but the same problem persists across most women, just in different ways. For instance - women seem to be good at hiding their emotions, and when they say 'I'm okay' and I believe them, they get angry. o.0

Er, but none of that addresses the real question - how do I compare? I seem to be more logically inclined than NT women, equally emotional, less empathy adept (when it comes to cues), and less inclined to follow gender roles. How do I compare to AS men? I probably express my emotion (overexpress really) more frequently. I also find I am relatively socially able so long as I am politely direct. I wonder if women can get away with asking 'What do you mean by that?' more readily than men? I don't know how else I would differ, except on a person-by-person basis.

Because I only had three friends during middle and high school, I can't say I got along with females or males more. Two of the friends were female, though they were both tomboyish. And of course, one of them was a guy. I was always closer with him because he didn't always want to gossip. He just wanted to talk about our problems, not everyone else's in school. Guys are less dramatic than girls, that may be why I find it easier to associate with them. What was even better is we spent more time running around town, causing trouble than we did talking. Which is always a plus in my opinion.

As for appearance, I used to try to keep up with the goth appearance during the early years of high school, but the last two years I just wore whatever jeans and t-shirts were cheap. I rarely wear make-up (I used to wear black eyeliner, I never wore that face cream stuff though) and I just throw my hair into a ponytail on most days.

Like I said, I don't really give a s**t about clothing and I stopped growing 2 years ago so I only have to shop for them twice a year. I'd much rather wander around a bookstore then try on clothes.

Well its kind of weird, a lot of times I feel like its quite possible my brain is not the right gender for my body as I am female but do not really feel like it. Though I am attracted to guys not other females, sometimes that suprises people because of how I dress so they are suprised when they find out I am straight. Its not too uncommon for people to confuse my gender either sometimes I have to let people know I am actually female.

*waves* Hiya, female Aspie reporting for duty!

I don't know how to describe myself. I'm just 'me', but as for the whole female aspie stereotype. I take care of my appearance - wear clothes I find pretty, do my make-up and take time to do my hair. I'm horrible with computers. My specialist interest is psychopharmacology which is changing into rats. Most of my friends are girls, but they're the 'outcasts'. Some people find me endearing because I just say whatever comes to mind, and that can be quite humerous so can get me liked, however, some people just see me as a freak and keep well away.

I also identify as gay sexually, omnisexual when it comes to asexual romantic relationships.

I don't have a hard time with ''reading'' body language, face expressions, tone of voice, and other people's moods. I know when people are joking, and when they're not. Although I look stupid to other people on the outside, I'm not so stupid on the inside (this is where I catch people out. Some people start taking advantage of me, then when they've realised that I've sussed them out before they knew, they then look the stupid ones ).

But it's so easy to know body language, face expressions, and tone of voice. If someone's crying, you're not going to mistake them for being really happy. If someone's yelling at you, you're not going to mistake them for talking sweetly to you. But I suppose it's easy for me to say this because I don't have difficulties with this. But I don't know if it's got anything to do with me being a female Aspie or not.

But it's more than that. You can be mad at someone and not yell at them. You can yell at someone but not be mad at them. Sometimes people yell because they are upset about something but their tone isn't directed at you. Sometimes people talk to you in a nice voice but yet they are angry with you.

I remember when I was eight, my speech therapist was talking to me about something I did that was wrong. She didn't raise her voice at me. But when she asked me if she is happy, I said she was. She kept asking me if she is happy with me and I said yes. She asked me if she is mad at me and I said no. Why did I answer it that way, because she wasn't yelling at me so she was happy then since she wasn't yelling. As an adult I would say she isn't happy because why would someone be happy in that situation about what I did? What's there to be happy about? So it's an assumption she isn't happy. I guess this is part of TOM here and picking up on cues and I had troubles with this back then. But I have gotten a lot better at it. I guess this is also was lead her to believe I may have AS.

I agree. Its easy to pick up on the most obvious ones. Well, usually. You can usually guess from context. But seeing someone who looks unhappy but says they're okay? If they say they're okay, they're okay! Except when they're not -_-' Its the subtle clues that completely misfire for me. I tend to read most faces as angry when they say they're at null. I take fake happiness (as described by friends) as real happiness. I see that there is a distinction between A and B in an example, but do not distinguish one from the other in practice. :-/

Disclaimer is that I don't have Asperger's. I have more like moderate autism.

But the issue is that I can pick out "happy" and "not happy" and nothing more. So, if you're not happy, I'm afraid you're mad. If you reprimand me but smile, I think you're irreversibly mad at me. If you cry, I think you're mad at me. If you say, "Can we talk?" I assume you're mad at me. If you raise your voice because you're excited, I think you're mad at me.

I don't have a problem with this either. Once my auntie was telling her boyfriend about a person who was being horrible to her, and her boyfriend shouted, ''WHY SHOULD YOU f*****g STAND FOR THAT? IF SHE SPOKE TO ME LIKE THAT, MATE, I'LL SOON f*****g SORT HER OUT!'' The language and tone of voice was inappropriate, but I knew he wasn't shouting at my auntie in a nasty way. He was just considering her feelings and was confiding back to her in the same way as she is feeling about this woman. I'm not explaining myself properly here, but I do know what I mean.

I've only met one other Aspie in my life and he's my boyfriend (I didn't find out until we'd been together for a few months and I was overjoyed.) I find that he reacts to everything with aggression, whereas I either react with upset that I can't quite place (crying and not knowing why, etc) or I can't tell what emotion I feel at all. Other than that we have very similar traits. He has a habit of shaking his leg up and down (jiggling is a better word to describe how he does it) and I have a habit of squeezing and moving my toes. He doesn't have an oral fixation (putting things in your mouth all the time, biting lips and fingernails, generally doing things with your mouth) but I do. Neither of us care as much about hygiene and grooming as much as NTs (I don't like to wash my hair too often and he hates shaving.) I can't think of anything else right now but there is much more. I hope that helped.

I worked very hard most of my life to fit in, and didn't find out about my autism until I was in my mid-thirties (self-diagnosed after my daughter got diagnosed). Even so, I was always an odd fish.

I buy several of the same item of clothing--same color--and wear them until they fall apart, then buy new clothes online.

I wear the same clothes for several days until I feel they are no longer clean enough to wear, then change (usually to an identical set, but clean ).

I shower when I feel it's been long enough that people will find me inappropriate if I don't, AND if I have to go outside (say, to the grocery store) that day.

I have long hair to avoid having to deal with hairdressers. I do nothing with it--no color, no curling, no blow-drying. Once a year, I go get the ends trimmed, and the hairdresser is always "wow, your hair is in such excellent condition."

I do not wear makeup, ever. Not to weddings, not to anything. I've let people talk me into it before because I "really should" wear it to some event, but I don't do that anymore.

I identify as female, no issues there. Also as heterosexual. My sex drive varies wildly, but is generally lower than my husband's; but, because I have found the most wonderful man on the planet, this is not an issue for either of us, usually. We are very good at talking about things before they become an issue, which is a lifesaver. Sensory sensitivity sometimes makes it impossible for me to have sex, however much I WANT to want to. He is very understanding about this.

I have always had a terrible time relating to "regular" women. Men have always been easier, especially the brainier type. (I don't have much in common with football-and-porn men, either.)

I spent yearsandyearsandyears working to stifle my "inapproriate" honesty, but recently I'm starting to reclaim it as the only sane way to live in the world. I'm also starting--slowly--to drop a lot of the social things I've always done in order to make sure no one thought I was too weird. Truth is, I'm an introverted autistic, and no, I really actually DON'T want to do all that stuff, and while I like you, Friend Who Called Me, I really actually don't all that much care how you are doing and what you've been up to. Call me when you're ready to talk about science fiction, or mathematics, or philosophy; don't call me again, ever, "just to chat." (No, I haven't managed to be this bold yet, but I'm working on it.)

Motherhood has nearly killed me. I love my kids dearly, and I love my husand dearly as well, but holy moly: living with other people is HARD. Hard, hard, hard.

I am exceedingly perseverative about things, usually to the detriment of things that need to get done (such as housecleaning, groceries, cooking, and so on). This is a strength, but it's also a weakness (because I really do need to get those other things done, since I chose a life that includes marriage and motherhood). My personal opinion is that perseveration does NOT contain quite the element of choice that NTs always seem to think it contains. I mean, I always WANT to be doing the right thing, yet I end up doing the perseverative thing.

I trained myself out of a lot of weirdness as a kid (I was bullied terribly in elementary school). I have managed to reclaim some of that "weirdness" since I discovered my autism. I now rock again, for example, when I'm alone or with my family, and increasingly, around others as well.

I have always been very empathetic and very other-oriented, to the extent that I lose myself in others' expectations and desires. I'm trying to turn my focus more inward, the way it was when I was a very little girl, before I went to school and got slammed by external expectations I was not meeting.

I have been very successful at learning to pass. As a child, I used to practice movements and speech intonations, and phrasings, at home in front of the mirror. I studied other kids relentlessly to see what they did and said, and how they did and said it, then practiced, practiced, practiced. I've never completely lost the "quirky" label, but I've passed for NT quite well for a long time. At the expense of my mental health; I've been close to suicide many times as an adult, in overwhelm from all the NT standards I was holding myself up to and could not meet indefinitely...something had to give. Wham: depression; a few days under the covers in a dark room, and I felt better. Now I know why.

The good thing about my mother being one of the leaders of a boy scout troop is that I got to go camping with them. It was quite fun. Because I was the only girl people would buy stuff for me and kinda spoil me. I also got to do things like archery and boy scouts taught me how to tie knots though I only remember one. It was always kinda funny for me to go on camping trips with boy scouts and then go on trips with girl scouts because the girl scouts stuff was prissy. In boy scouts we would use tents, go hiking and fishing, cook over firess, etc but in girl scouts we would only stay in cabins with heating and A/C. There was no archery and very little cooking. Instead we would do arts and crafts which is like torture to me. I would rather go fishing then put beads on a string any day.