Never shows anger, and almost "too nice"

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I was curious about something, I hear alot about how aspies have meltdowns, or anger issues at certain times. My friend is the complete opposite. He cannot hardly yell. He appears to always be happy. He is always saying how optimistic he is. I think being optimistic all the time is almost showing he is not in touch with reality. When something is about to happen that will possibly negatively effect him, he doesnt show he is worried. He likes to be "positive" as he says. Does he not fit into the Aspergers category then? He will sometimes get frustrated and raise his voice but that is the extent. He is almost "too nice" to show he is mad. Other than that, he is very "obvious" with his aspergers traits. Any thoughts on this?

Positive is a good thing.

That doesn't mean he's not got AS. Not everyone has to be the same even with AS. If you think about the general population. Tom, Dick and Harry (three fake names here) aren't going to be the same because they are three different people. If you give Tom, Dick and Harry autism, they are still not going to be the same. Some people with AS are like your friend, some are like you, some are like me and the rest are their own person.

Oh yes, Aspies aren't clones.

A friendly person would have to know me VERY well before they saw my negativity. I display very little anger in everyday life. Dad used to be scared of his temper, and generally kept it very well.....even when he did lose it, he wasn't really dangerous, but it was such a shock after years of Mr. Nice Guy that it seemed a lot worse than it was, so we'd be really scared and he'd feel even worse about losing it in future. I'm still learning how to challenge people and start limited fights and show finite, socially acceptable anger. It feels like I'm the only person in the world who isn't allowed to be angry.

Dunno if your friend has the same reasons as me. I once thought that everybody had their bursting point, but I know one guy with lots of Aspie traits who seems to have no testosterone at all.......I've heard people really railing at him for stuff that's obviously not his fault, I'd have lost it but he didn't. In fact I hate the people who yelled at him, I want to punch them on his behalf, because he doesn't defend himself. Yet he seems to come to no harm, as if none of it really impinges on him.

I'm about the same. I physically can't yell for some reason. I always speak quietly.

I'm not by any means 'positive' all the time, but I never show anger. I don't know how to.

I actually have a habit of laughing at people who are angry at me.

THIS. I've only ever shouted once, and only because I was scared for the safety of my family. I shocked everyone, including myself

I have been told that I avoid arguments and I am too nice. I find conflict on Wrong Planet much easier to manage (there is a 'Preview' button!), so I'm much more expressive and open to debate on here than I am face to face.

Elora_Danan, maybe your friend is trying to manage worry and conflict by avoiding them?

Not sure if it relates any, but I hide anger and sadness unless it is to such a degree it cannot be contained, which is very rare. For all you know I may my apoplectic behind this computer right now but I assure you that I am not currently

I'm exactly the same. I'm pretty sure I'm in touch with reality, I just refuse to believe it's as bleak as people say. Maybe you should try positivity yourself.

I also like to be that positive person. I don't yell or get angry very often. I'm also not a violent person. I don't hit or throw things.

I also dont display the emotions many people would in certain situations.

I think all my emotions are toned down versions of the NT ones. I would never scream with excitement or shout with anger. Where an NT may feel anger I would say I feel something similar to disappointment or sadness.
I would still say that I still have positive and negative feelings but they have a much smaller range for example an NTs feelings may go from raging anger at -10 to ok at 0 up to ecstatic at +10. I would say I experience a smaller scale ie sad at -2 to ok at 0 and really happy at +2.

So I probably feel alot closer to ok all the time than other people do.

I dont know whether this lack of feelings is because I dont feel them or because I dont realise it is an emotion I am feeling or because I dont know how to express them so they never come out.

I would like to imagine your friend still has a range of emotions even if they all feel positive ie can still quantify whether one thing gives him more positive feelings than another. He may just not realise his feeling of ok would be equal to an NTs feeling of anger. His scale may go from 0 to +10

I would say feeling positive when bad things are about to happen may fit with the fact that some people with autism are not able to predict what is going to happen or not guess what they may feel until the event has happened and they are actually experiencing the emotion.

If he realises he is being taken advantage of he may want to try to consider how he has seen NTs feeling or acting in that situation and consider whether he should do that instead of what he would normally do. However if it doesnt upset him that people are taking advantage of his good nature then nothing can really be done even though you and I may not feel comfortable with whats happening.

How do people react to us when we do finally show our anger? My experience is that they seem less tolerant of it than they would be in others.....they gulit trip me or step up the aggro.

That guy sounds a lot like how I am. I am very slow to anger and try my best to be nice all the time. I'm often very cheery and optimistic, though I wasn't always that way. It's kind of like an act that stuck, but I prefer it this way. My two "modes" are happy and neutral/thinking. My bad sides only come out when I'm hungry, super tired, or otherwise physically distressed, and even then I tend to "implode" more than go to anger. I don't really like showing any emotion unless that emotion is positive.

I would say that sounds like a social mask.

I used to melt down pretttty bad (i drove a car through the back of thr garage)
Now i just laugh and crack a joke
I dont feel any less angry but i changed how i responded to the feeling.

This.

I am so used to putting on a facade this way that it is difficult for me to outwardly display depression or anger at all unless it is extremely intense. It's one of the elements my social facades I still have, the habits are too ingrained to just break.

I tend to come across as "Never shows anger and is almost too nice" face-to-face, but only around some people.

I am not optimistic, although I dislike when people focus on all possible negative outcomes when they are not likely.

wow thank you all for the responses! They have actually been really helpful. I definately can understand it more now. Thanks for not just giving your opinions, but actually explaining WHY he is probably doing this. It makes so much more sense now. Cheers!

I know a teenage boy who lurks about town who supposedly has AS. Kids are always picking on him because of his "gay lisp" and special intrest in American Bandsand esque music. He never retaliated. I would always go postal on bullies if they so much looked at me and I would go for the kill. I wonder if this boy truely has AS and not some form of intelectual disability instead. He does not have a mean bone in his body. My mom wonders if I have more than just autism (I had a speech delay) like perhaps bi polar.