Overwhelmed. Work. Help.

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So, I've been struggling at work. No motivation, no focus -- too many distractions ; a colleague that talks too much and students that don't understand to come at a particular time of day or make an appointment so we know when they're coming.

Last week I was lucky in that I was able to work on a project at home which gave me the flexibility to work at the hours that suited me best and due to the nature of the project I was highly motivated (programming a database which the team would be using every day) - it was great; when I couldn't focus I could go do something else, and when I was focused ... well I just motored on, forgetting to eat/drink/sleep etc. I did more than my normal work hours and felt very pleased with what I achieved.

But when I'm in the office, I just can't work. This has been going on for months and it is driving me crazy. I feel so guilty. I actually like my job but everything about it has me seething at the moment because the constant interruptions, the background "noise", and lack of control over my day are leaving me so messed up. On Wednesday I left the office for a breath of fresh air and didn't come back for two hours. I didn't want to come back at all, but I feel that huge sense of duty. This is the second time I have gone AWOL from work in the last 6 months; it's not something I have ever done before that. I am worried that it is getting worse. I am not working at any where near the level I know I am capable of - and have previously worked - and feel like I am dragging the team down.

And the worst thing is that today I received a promotion. So in amongst all this crap, I must be doing something right ... but what????!

This should be cause for celebration. But if I know, inside, that I am not meeting the demands of my current job - how in the hell am I supposed to reach the demands of the promoted job? It's so messed up. I should be happy - I am being recognised for the work I do and yet I do not feel like I am doing that work properly or that I deserve the recognition. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. How in the world to deal with the expectation.

Ok. I get it. Silence. I should just be feckin happy that I have a job and get over it.

Meh. But that doesn't work, does it. Literally beat myself up on the way home because of being so overwhelmed and then feeling so feckin guilty about posting such a hopelessly self centred post here when folk here want to work but people won't give them a chance. Well all I can say is take mine if you want it; I just want a rest and time alone. Or to sleep and not wake up. Either way, someone has to do my job so one of you might as well.

Sounds like you need more time to yourself. Make sure you're getting quiet time at home. It might be a good time to cash in some vacation too. Just to stay alone all day in a place that's dark and quiet. IMO.

Do what you can to minimize sensory distractions at work. White noise generators, sun glasses, whatever. Your promotion could be the thing that saves your job if you manage to get into a place that isn't as hectic or doesn't trigger you as badly.

I'd say just take time to yourself and see where things go. I always hate getting promoted myself, strange as that sounds. I like my schedules and don't like the idea of that changing...

Been there. I have had pretty good luck waiting out the workplace problems. Eventually, managers and coworkers and office spaces change.

I refer to corporate computer departments.

Until improvements come, I analyze the patterns of noise and interruptions to determine what preventative measures I can take. If people start making noise, then it is time for me to go ask someone a question I have saved up or to visit the restroom. And, I use headphones. I tell the manager that I would like to be considered for a move to a quieter area when that becomes possible.

Perhaps the group would consider assigned times of quiet and non-quiet.

Nonetheless, there is a pattern of companies moving away from peaceful offices in general. I am trying to figure this out. I don't see how it helps the companies and I don't have any better ideas thanwhat I have said here. Worst case: change jobs.

May be it would be okay to wear headphones at your desk. I was able to at one job in a busy office. I was less distracted by noise, and people attempted talking to me less. Win - win.

You sound as though you take pride in doing a good job, so you will be your own worst critic. Perfectionism is a trademark of ASD, so although you see yourself as not performing as well as you know you can, your bosses see that you are worth promoting. If there are others you work with who could have been promoted then they saw you as the best candidate, so don't feel unworthy - this was their choice.

But that doesn't remove the frustrations you are experiencing.

Promotions should come with some attendent training or support, depending on the step-up in the role you do. Is there any opportunity to raise the issues of distractions, along the lines of 'well I actually can do a better job if I could <plan my day more> <not be distracted so often> <have a quieter environment>. Is there any way we can improve on that?'

I would also cut yourself some slack. If you need time out, that is better than a quiet meltdown, the reactions are there for real reasons. Walking out for a while is better than quitting your job on the spot (I have done that same long-walk myself). Take the time to see if you can improve just one of those issues, if your bosses value you they should listen, if they don't listen they may lose you.

The last thing I would say, whether it is relevant to you I don't know, but don't leave it until you are a complete mess - if you need to switch jobs, you need the strength and health to do that, so don't leave the pressure to mount until you are in crisis. Act before then. You're probably not in that position but it is worth saying anyway. Hope your situation improves.

I know where you're coming from - I'm back at work 10 months after throwing it all in for 18 months. My experience has always been that the better I do, the more everyone seems to load me up - they have no idea of the toll it's taking... Just like the general AS situation with day to day life, I also wish I could be like all the other people at work who seem to be allowed to get away with doing only what's comfortable for them - I don't understand why I end up different!

Hello again. Thank you for your responses.

I disappeared off to the cinema by myself tonight to recover and am now feeling much better - it was an effort to get there because I was feeling crazy, and walking through the busy mall made me put my hands over my ears and I wanted to l, but once there ... well there is nothing like sitting in the dark, not interacting and letting the fantasy world of a movie wash over me for a couple of hours.

I work in IT/student support in higher education, so the promotion does not come with any change of circumstance or office environment - just more duties, more responsibility.

Nier - You are right, that I am probably my own worst critic - I am clearly doing OK in the eyes of others. But I *know* I can do better if the environment is right so it is difficult; and I don't really know how to ask for those things that would make me work better.

Orr - I do wear headphones and often this is helpful, but just now it doesn't seem to be enough unless I have the music really loud - and that of course annoys my colleagues and also prevents me hearing, for example, students entering the office (the position of my desk leaves me with my back to the door and unfortunately this cannot be changed).

Ezekiel - I do the visit the restroom thing when when it gets too much ... I thought I was the only one that did that ... but the frequency of it at the moment, and the amount of time I'm there, is probably a little suspicious so I'm trying to refrain from doing it so much.

K-R-X - vacation would be good. I have 3 weeks vacation coming up in 5 weeks time and am just trying to keep going until then. I would take a couple of extra days just now because I'm not coping well, but I have no other vacation days left.

Thanks again. At least its the weekend now ... I'll going to keep it a quiet weekend and hopefully regain some balance by Monday!

Phew.

Wooster - have you been rooting around inside my head and stealing my thoughts?!?! !? Spot on.

lol. That reminds me exactly of my last job. Every time I found a balance and stabalised, my bosses were like "hey, do this other horrible thing too".

It was crazy, but looking back it makes me happy to see how I never stopped making things more and more efficient.