how to handle "intense" positive attention?

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This may not make sense, but:

If you manage to do something that somebody else really appreciates and thinks is great, how do you handle their positive feedback and/or expressions of gratitude?

I ask because I don't handle it well--it freaks me out. I don't like "intense" or "big" attention, even when it's positive....and I'm not entirely sure why. At least part of it is that I don't know if "thank you" or "you're welcome"---or "thank you and your welcome"--are good enough responses to intense positive attention (specifically: gratitude+praise) and that's all I can ever say. (Does that even make sense?)

It's not like this happens often (it's a rare occurrence), but when it does I'm at a loss...it seems like the other person really wants me to understand where they're coming from or like they're trying to give me something (some kind of invisible emotional thing). Although I really want to give them that understanding or express appreciation for any invisible-emotional-things they wish to give me, I don't know how to do this because I don't really understand where they're coming from. So I'm not sure what to do or say.....nor how I'm supposed to feel.

I just want to know if I'm alone in this or if other people have similar experiences--and if anyone can relate, I was wondering if you'd be able and willing to share your perspectives and so forth....?

I am totally the same way I hate to be the center of attention with people watching me-its nice to be appreciated but I do not like it publically.

I always figure they do it because they are trying to make me feel good and so I don't really owe them anything. I will mostly just try to throw out a "Thank You" and move on.

If they won't let it go I find that its a good time to make a small request or two. Sometimes you can re-direct them away from the weird gushing thing into more relevant demonstrations of appreciation.

Thanks good to know i'm not alone.

I'm not sure what counts as "gushing" to the NT-mind.....more than "thank you for [whatever]. here's why [in a sentence or two...end.]" tends to be quite enough for me and anything beyond that gets me feeling uncomfortable and socially lost.... How does the re-directing work?

This is my script for the re-directing.

NT "You did really well with the ____. Like, REALLY well."

ME "Oh, well thank you."

NT "No, I mean it was amazing*. That's the thing."
(*=Variable)

Usually I get stuck at this point for a few seconds. I mean come on, I already answered that topic. Do I answer again the same way? Are they looking for a different answer? So this is what I sometimes manage to do.

To NT Girlfriend "Well, you can show me how amazed* you are tonight." *big smile+eye contact as the sentance ends*
To NT Boss "Well, you can show me how amazing* I am when vacation time comes rolling around" *big smile+eye contact as the sentance ends*
To NT Friend "Well, you can show me how amazing* I am by buying the pizza/beer/gas sometime." *big smile+eye contact as the sentance ends*

don't know if this is the best way to handle it but sometimes I use "awww, you're so sweet"

also that only works for girls

I usually just mumble "Thanks" and awkwardly leave immediately.

well, in my case it's usually in a small group, and if the 'achievement' gets out; i'm "lucky" that an NT tries to claim it.
i usually let them have the attention, knowing that he, and the rest of the group, know it was me; and respect me for it, silently

Completely not alone! I feel just the same way. I like attention in small bits and from one person at a time. It is too overwhelming otherwise, and I don't know how to respond.

Thanks for sharing ideas and experiences, everybody

I'm facing a more "sombre" (<--that's not really the right word, but it'll do) sort of gratitude+praise situation and have no personal relationship with the NT side so I can't use your scripts for this one, but I'm filing them away in my brain for future use.

I just say 'thanks'. It never, ever feels sufficient.

I still often have this reaction too. It sometimes helps to 'spread the love' by sharing/giving appropriate credit to anyone else who'd been involved (even if just barely involved) in the event (the event you're being praised for). Pointing out others' actions takes some of the focus off you and you don't have to figure out so much how to pose as a 'hero' (very tricky posing when one doesn't want to be a hero in such a publicized manner...). This suggestion, unfortunately, didn't help me during my last birthday. A friend (with 'good' intentions, of course) tried coordinating the serve staff at a restaurant to sing me 'Happy Birthday' -- something quite intolerable for me! I just had to speak almost sternly/harshly to my friend to keep her from following through on it. But, I decided my personal comfort level outweighed satisfying her 'need' for public 'manhandling' in this case.

If you can be nonchalant about it, it helps. I'm taken aback by that sort of thing sometimes, too, when people gush and get complimentary over-the-top. It's better if you just say "thanks" in response and change the subject.

Better than that is just to do stuff in secret whenever you can. If somebody doesn't know you were the one that helped them or you were the one who made some accomplishment, they can't do the embarrassing compliment-barrage.

Positive attention is a real problem for me, it makes me more nervous than negative attention. It depends a bit on how it is done, how public the scene is. Mostly it takes me the rest of the day to calm down from it, sometimes the effect can stay for a few days. It is some kind of stimulating feeling that is just too much to handle.

You always say, "Thank you."


I don't like intense attention, either. "Thank you" and "You're welcome" are enough of a response to any compliment. You don't have to be creative in your reply or overdue it.


Receiving a lot of positive feedback can be awkward. I, often am at a loss for words, too. Part of me wants to do a disappearing act. Practice saying thanks. Imagine yourself getting a compliment and then say "thanks, I appreciate that." You can add something like, "That's appreciated" to sound more emphatic or give your gratitude some pep.
You might be able to find someone to practice with. Have them give you a compliment and you practice responding to it. Drilling yourself might help with anxiety.

I just say thanks and go with it.