Psychiatric testing and applying for disability?

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This week at my therapy session, my therapist, who has been seeing me for about 8 months, suggested that I get some official testing done so that I can apply to receive disability benefits. I am not sure how I feel about this. My entire life, I have always been the smartest, most "successful" one in the family, and it was assumed that I would go on to have a great career, etc...The problem is, all of that "success" was academic, and, in other areas of life, I was falling more and more behind other people my age.

At age 23, I do not know how to drive a car, and have no desire to do so. I get very nervous just at the thought of it, and I truly believe that I would be unable to handle the type of split-second decisions that are required to avoid accidents, let alone have the dexterity and visual judgment required to maneuver the vehicle properly, and so would put other drivers at risk if I was on the road. I have never had a "real" long-term job. When I was in college, I had a couple of student jobs on campus, and I worked at a hospital near my home during summer vacations. The campus jobs were less than 10 hours per week, and the summer jobs never lasted for more than 3 months. At each of these jobs, I felt somewhat awkward, and had some trouble completing the tasks, no matter how simple they seemed to be (ex: chopping vegetables, washing dishes, etc...). It seemed like supervisors always found some kind of mistake to point out; either I misunderstood instructions, or I took too long to clean up, or something. On top of this, I just couldn't relate to many of my coworkers, especially the ones my own age. Many of them disliked me, and some of them were even scared of me, because I was "too quite and sat by myself." I was never actually fired from a job, but all of my jobs were temporary positions for college students, and I feel like because it was understood that I was a student worker that was only going to be there for a few months, it probably wasn't worth the hassle for them to fire me as long as I didn't make any serious mistakes. If I had been a regular employee, I probably would have been let go after a while or not given the job in the first place. Because I don't drive and I don't like being a burden on anyone, any job that I apply to needs to either be very close to my house, or involve ONLY morning and early afternoon hours, Mon-Sat, so that I could take the bus. This is a very specific schedule, which limits the positions that I can apply for. I also have trouble with certain skills that are required at many types of jobs, such as using the telephone (I become extremely nervous when I need to communicate over the telephone, and I even cover my ears sometimes when it rings).

I do have a bachelor's degree (I graduated from college last year) but it hasn't really opened many doors for me, due to my lack of other skills. I can't even imagine myself going in and interviewing for some type of position, because my mind goes absolutely blank whenever anyone asks me questions about myself. I often have trouble putting my thoughts and feelings into words even when I am alone, so I don't really see how I could answer questions such as "what are your skills?", "why do you want this job?", "what are your career goals?", because I honestly don't know the answers to those questions!

I have been living in my parents' house since I came home from college, but I don't enjoy being dependent on them and I don't really enjoy being around them. We barely speak, and they don't want to try to understand my AS at all. My therapist thinks that I would be much better off if I could move out, but I cannot do that until I have some type of income. My mom hasn't worked in over 20 years, and my dad has been unemployed for about a year, so the financial situation in the house is not great. My parents are currently paying for me to have health insurance so that I can see my therapist and fill my prescriptions that I take for physical issues related to hormone imbalances. However, my dad's unemployment money runs out in a couple of months so I cannot expect to have health insurance for that much longer.

My therapist tells me that if I qualify for disability benefits I will have health insurance and my parents will not have to pay for it. She feels confident that I have AS, and that the results of my official testing would reflect this. However, I hear that it is very hard to be accepted for government assistance. I feel like I need to make a decision to either get the testing done or not sometime in the next couple of months before my health insurance is gone. However, my parents do not really like the idea. My mom thinks that having official paperwork saying that I have AS will prevent me from getting work in the future, but the way I see it, having all of the AS traits that I have will make it difficult to get work in the future, regardless of whether or not I have the paperwork. It is just so confusing dealing with these questions because I spent the first half of life hearing everyone tell me how amazing I was, and how I was so lucky because I could do anything, etc...and the second half having everyone frustrated with me because I can't do anything. I feel like I could eventually be successful one day, but first something needs to change, and maybe getting some help while I move out on my own and get myself established could be the first step. Maybe I should try to go through with the testing? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

I realize this has turned into a long post, I apologize

I'm the same as you, and my personal statement is "I'm the smartest yet least effective person I know." This relates to my being able to be the top of any class academically, but to still be unable to hold even simple menial jobs for very long.

Now if I could have become an absent-minded and eccentric professor or a mad scientist, I might have found my true niche. But as things worked out, I spent the next 20 years going from job to job, always being fired after a few months or a year or so. Every time I failed at one job, I'd blame it on the profession not being right for me, and I'd try a different career. This is the reason that I now have four college degrees, each one in an unrelated subject.

So after about 20 different careers that I failed at, I finally figured out I had AS and also that I simply wasn't suited to the working world. There can't be any other reason for failing at that many different jobs in that many different fields, when I am intelligent, educated and hardworking. So finally I admitted it to myself and let go of the career expectation and got on Disability. And I have to say that even though I'm poor now, I'm no poorer than I used to be in my chaotic periods of rapidly cycling employment and unemployment, and that at least I know exactly how much I'm going to make each month. The chronic severe anxiety I've had for 20 years is finally gone. And I'm not so prideful that I would sacrifice my sanity for a meager paycheck (there's nothing quite like getting fired over and over again to lower one's self-esteem).

But I have to say that getting a diagnosis and getting disability is not easy and, even when successful, takes a year or more. Plus, my psychiatrist, who I guess is sort of a Good Samaritan, had to basically lie and exaggerate and reported that I couldn't function AT ALL, that I couldn't even dress myself or bathe, etc. because he knew that just saying I had AS would not make me qualify for disability by their standards.

So going through all this diagnosis and disability application process is more of a long-term project that will take you, possibly, up to two years. I'm afraid it won't be of any immediate help in your position of needing income support very shortly. However, there are jobs which are available on a work at home basis that don't require any socializing or telephone. Some people from this forum have had good experiences being employed by Lionbridge, for example. You could ask on here about opportunities like that.

Good luck, and deciding whether to keep struggling at work or go on disability is a very personal decision, with different pros and cons for every individual.

I can tell you from my own experience in the job market I had one part time job I held for 9 years working at a resteraunt. The people I worked with there I went to high school wih them and they knew I was in special education so they made sure to make my life a living hell because of it. They needed someone to kick around verbally to make themselves feel better about their sh***y lives. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how on time I was, or how good I was at doing the work they never made me a fulltime employee or moved me up the ladder. I walked away from that job to save my sanity.

My first fulltime job I ever had I got it at age 30. I worked there for 9 years where I was not treated as badly as at the resteraunt but I was talked down to like I was some kind of idiot. Once again no matter how hard I worked, or how on time I was, and or how great I was at the job I had to threaten to quit if I did not get a pay raise and they acted like I raped them when they allowed me make a lowsy $10.00/hr my anxiety was so bad when working around all those machines helped cause my blood pressure to go through the roof 220/110. All those constant spikes in blood pressure caused me to have congestive heart failure and sustain damage to my kidneys.

Its not worth the aggravation having to work low paying jobs all you end up doing is become exposed to the scum of the earth who are treated better because they know how to kiss the bosses ass.

Last edited by Todesking on 18 Jun 2011, 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Molly, thank you very much for replying!

I'm glad things have worked out for you. Maybe I will start looking into some work-from-home opportunities.

I was facing a very similar situation when I was your age, with fewer resources (if you can believe it). My advice is to try your best to let go of people's expectations of you. I spent 12 being told I was so smart, I could do anything, and would be successful, and the subsequent 12 years being told I was lazy, insane, and "not living up to my potential".
18-25 are really difficult years. The problem is the way society views "success". In a lot of ways, if you've done the same thing for a really long time, you're viewed as somehow more successful than if you've had lots of jobs or activities. Eff that.These years are going to be spent figuring out what you want and who you are, whatever your intentions. A lot of people go to college for two or four years and come out with even less idea what they want from life than they did when they went in. That's not unusual, but it doesn't make it less difficult or upsetting.

I realize you want and perhaps need something that will help you NOW. The problem is, going on disability is not only a long and arduous process, it isn't a guarantee, either. Your autistic gifts of persistence and determination will help you out there a lot, if you decide that it is truly what's best for you. The catch-22 of going on disability is it's more difficult for those who need it to get it. Lots of interviews, summaries, and general or vague questions. If you can, try and get an advocate, but the best way is to learn to self-advocate to the best of your ability. My advice for trying to get anything out of bureaucrats (a.k.a. getting blood from a stone) is 'when in doubt, call them back'.

As for right this second, take stock of things you truly enjoy. It doesn't matter what it is. Make terra cotta planters, decorate them with nail polish, and sell them at the local craft fair or swap meet. Start singing karaoke. Teach yourself medical transcription. Just start trying things out, or explore things you already like more thoroughly. Look inside and let yourself tell you what's right for you.

As for social skills and job skills, if a 'mask' gets you in the door, wear it. Read interview guides and act like that. Your therapist can help you out a lot with dry runs and practicing social scripts. You don't have to be perfect. Get a stupid retail or menial job and just do it-you'll make mistakes, but at least you're not sitting there waiting for your REAL life to start....it never will. You have to make it happen. Don't "talk yourself out of" opportunities, just because the idea of them doesn't fit your idea of yourself. Just because you don't see yourself as a bank teller or a cleaning lady doesn't mean you wouldn't be surprisingly good at it, or find out something important about yourself.

And finally, you're doing great, and you're doing what you're supposed to be doing at your age. In some ways, i wish I could have seen where I am now from age 23. I'm generally considered to be successful, and my path getting there was a lot more interesting than anyone else I know. And you know what? I still can't drive a car, and the very idea terrifies me. Eff that.

Get someone to test you who is familiar with requirements for disability, and who will be supportive of your efforts.

It helps if reports are worded in certain ways.

If you do look into work from home jobs, just be very careful because a majority of them are either get-rich-quick scams or pyramid schemes. There are real ones out there too, so make sure you check everything out very thoroughly and do your research.

Malisha,

Your reply has really made me feel a little more hopeful about my situation, thank you!

I have to keep reminding myself not to worry about expectations that others may have had, or that I may have had for myself when I was younger. My original plan was to start applying for part-time jobs in August. I will make sure to look into all available job opportunities in my area, because it is true that I might be decent at a job that I have not considered before. One of my old summer jobs at the hospital was stocking shelves, and that is probably the job I was least awkward at, even though I had never really thought that I would be good at that kind of thing.

I had a feeling that my therapist was making the whole disability process seem much more simple that it actually is. She basically worded it like "I think you should get official testing done so that you could go on disability, because it would be good for you to have a little income." So either she knows something about my situation that I don't, or she has been misinformed about the application process! I will have to discuss things a little more thoroughly with her when I see her again in 2 weeks.

Oh, I am so glad I found the "how to cheat the government into giving me disability payments" thread!

So where do I get one of these "good sumaritan" psychiatrists?

Remember folks, deciding whether to lie and cheat and steal is a very personal decision.

So is deciding whether to troll

And it's spelled "samaritan."

I bow to your moral superiority and your bullying ability to make sarcastic comments about me, but not to me directly. It's completely rational to be told that I ought to go panhandling on the street, sell drugs, or become a prostitute rather than get the government assistance I need for my permanent disability. Your comment wasn't ignorant or judgmental in the least. (See, I can be sarcastic too, woohoo!)

Seriously, if you have something to say about me, then be a grownup and say it to me, and ditch that smarmy mocking tone.

1. You are not eligible for disability unless you have worked a specified amount of time. You are eligible for SSI.

2. Asperger's/autism does not qualify you for any sort of benefits. How do I know? My lawyer told me yesterday. I was awarded SSI (yesterday) on the basis of panic attacks/anxiety/OCD.

3. If you got through college (as I did), you'll have a dang hard time getting benefits. The judge was like... not getting it. But, in college, I almost failed about half my classes due to absences, I had no friends and no activities, never went to a party or a dance, and had to quit student teaching after 2 weeks due to anxiety/social issues. Several of my professors hated me and told me so.

You are getting much insight and good advice here, but sorting things out can be quite challenging.

Even if your therapist does not understand the process well, she is still offering some advocacy ... and I would suggest you proceed along the line of whatever "official testing" she might have in mind. You might not end up receiving SSI right now, but that "medical history" (and related documentation of your present struggles in life) could eventually make a tremendous difference for you. Ultimately, however, or at least in my own case, the specific attorney you have representing you before the specific judge at your appeal hearing will be who/what truly makes the difference for you.

Really? My understanding was that having a diagnosis and documented impairments was necessary - that the specific diagnoses matter less than daily living.

I'll talk to my attorney about that. I do know that once autistic symptoms and a diagnoses got onto my application that the people who reviewed my applications claimed I could do work with repetitive tasks with no problem, which isn't true. Repetitive tasks that I do not like are very difficult.

I know it wasn't directed at me, but than you for that bit of information.

From the SSA's blue book:

emphasis added. The emoticon was not.

link

(that said my approval was on the basis of my mood disorder...)

If you wish, you can disable emoticons in a post when that happens.

As I understand things, a diagnosis alone does not prove disability and/or a need for financial assistance. The ruling I received at my appeal hearing mentioned PDD-NOS a couple of times along with some specific physical issues that had been diagnosed, but the actual ruling was made on the observed and documented results stemming from whatever the actual causes might happen to be.