Special Interests

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When talking about your interests and going on a talk about it for awhile, what could someone say to get more involved? Is being a good listener important? I have a friend that is an Aspie and when I'm on the phone with her, the majority of our hour long conversations sometimes can be of her talking the whole time. If I say anything it sounds like I'm always interupting her. I don't know if I should just listen and be there or try to ask questions about what she's talking about and get more involved.

Talk about her interest then! Im sure you will find her "obssesion" just as interesting as yours!

Do both. Listen until she takes a break, and then ask questions and get more involved in it. I can't speak for other aspies, but it always makes me feel good when people listen to me talk about my interests and then ask questions about it.

And when you ask questions, don't be afraid to make mistakes. It's taking-an-interest that counts!

I would suggest that you find the middle ground between the two of you.

Do not be afraid to interrupt her. In my own experience, there are times when I keep rambling about a subject I happen to know a little something about, or an interest of mine. Then afterwards, I'd feel ashamed or silly for letting myself go like that, and not giving hte person I was talking to a chance to get a word in sideways.

Please do interrupt. If you don't, it becomes a one-sided monologue and you don't deserve to get that. If the topic veers off into territory that's unfamiliar to you, or it gets too technical, or you get plain bored with it, try to drag the conversation into more familiar waters to you. As long as you're genuinely interested in what she's saying at the time, there's no problem, just don't forget to 'bounce the ball back' sometimes, so to speak.

I personally find it very valuable to have one-on-one conversations with someone who happens to share an interest, and then have a little back-and-forth, comparing notes.

But remember that if she rambles on for an hour, and you don't feel comfortable about it, let her know (tactfully). Unless you feel the situation calls for you to be 'a listening ear' at that particular moment, and maybe she just needs to vent something or is so euphoric about something she's seen or done. That is up to you to decide.

Frankly, I prefer to be allowed to ramble on. Stupid questions--and when I'm in a rambling mood, all questions seem stupid--just annoy me. Eventually I will run out of steam, wake up and "see" my listener for the first time and feel enormous gratitude to them for having put up with me for so long.

I don't like being interrupted in the middle of a monologue or story. When people make comments, I'll barely acknowledge the comments, because I'm focused on NEEDING to finish what I have to say. Different Aspies are different when it comes to this. Some do like people to ask questions about their special interests, as a way to show they want to be interested and involved. Others among us, myself included, just like rambling on as a way to get out everything we want to say. I really couldn't care less if my mom or best friend gets what I'm talking about or cares, so long as I can tell they're paying attention. Interruptions and seeming preoccupied with something else bug me. I just want someone to listen, because some things about my most intense special interests are too exciting for me to only talk to myself about.

As far as monopolizing conversations, I KNOW I do this, and I couldn't care less. When it's my turn to talk to people I'm close with, I feel that I should be allowed to monopolize the conversation and get to ramble. When I talk on the phone with my good friend who is also an Aspie, since we know we both are ramblers, we just take turns rambling. Whoever has the most news goes first, and the other stays quiet and just listens, other than affirming that we're listening every once in a while. Then, when the first one's done, we switch and the other person rambles. And when I talk to my (neurotypical) mom, we do something similar. She lets me ramble before she tells me what she wants to talk about, unless she has something really important to tell me, in which case, she goes first.

I think there is a difference between interrupting someone, and tactfully turning the conversation towards having a dialogue versus a one-sided monologue. The idea is not to stop the person from getting out what they want to say, but to put more give and take into the conversation. Ideally, both people take turns talking, actively listen, and are genuinely interested in what the other has to say.

Lately, as an adult, I'm finding I just want to keep my special intrests to myself. When someone asks me about meerkats or Sonic the hedgehog, I feel very akward. I was never really allowed to talk about my special intrests when I wanted as a kid so maybe that's why. Whenever I get a new special intrest I want to keep it to myself for some reason. I finnaly broke the ice with my mom about my new Sonic obsession but it still feels weird dicussing it with her.