I keep getting picked on in public. What do I do?! !! !

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Lately I found I keep being picked on for no reason in public, by middle-aged woman mostly, when I'm by myself, and I find it rather insulting now because it makes me paranoid that it might be because I look weird and dumb, and I make so much effort to go out looking presentable and behaving normal, and so I should deserve respect. I dress fashionably, with a trendy handbag (like a normal woman), and I stand up straight with my hands by my sides (which is how most people stand), and I often wear sunglasses when it's sunny (which actually make me look a little older than what I am). I even wear expensive trainers - those nice trainers what are in fashion. So I don't do anything to stand out at all. If I was excessively fiddling with my hands or flapping my hands about or pacing about nervously, they yeah, I expect some rudeness (although it shouldn't be so, but I was talking from an NT's point of view there). But I look pretty ''normal'' for an Aspie with social anxiety and agoraphobia, and I make a lot of effort to look like any other normal 21-year-old female.

I just find random strangers are acting so rude towards me lately, and the other day it really made me cry, and I felt like I was back at school again. I was sitting on the bus with my bag on the seat next to me, and a random woman just marched on, picked up my bag, threw it on my lap, and sat in the seat next to me - even though there were plenty of other empty seats. And I thought that was really rude of her. Then I sat and thought, ''would she have done it to anybody else who had their bag on the seat next to them?'' And it made me feel uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

Also, today when I was sitting on the bus, I had some college students sitting behind me, and one of them knocked their knees right into the back of my seat, and a few seconds later they done it again then I heard them snigger. I didn't react - I sat facing forwards, without shifting, so it looked like I was ignoring it, but it made me angry because I thought even if I did have an uncomfident face, they couldn't see it because they were sitting behind me, and from the back I just looked like any other calm normal person. Why don't people just leave me alone?! !!

I'm not sure if this happens to everyone, but I've noticed people walk into me all the time, even though they see me. And I don't walk into them - I see them then move aside to give way to them.

I know this sounds childish, but I am really reluctant to wear glasses, because I have a feeling this will make people pick on me even more. (Yes - I wouldn't expect it from adults either, but here we are). My mum always says, ''you are not at school now - why are you so afraid to wear glasses?'' Yes, I've learnt that glasses don't make you look like a geek at all, but some people still haven't learnt that (and then they say Aspies are the ones who are immature! ) I particularly need glasses to wear all the time, but I need them for seeing things from a long distance, otherwise I scrint all the time when I'm trying to read a sign across the road or something like that.

People never did this to me. Only very recently. It is horrible, and unexplainable, and 9 out of 10 times I cry when I come home. I never get picked on at work. People think I'm NT, and they treat me like any other person, and I even get fancied by men, and I've made a lot of friends. I just don't get it.

it's just a bunch of unfortunate coincidences

everyone comes across rude/immature people from time to time. i admit i get annoyed sometimes when people put their chairs on seats so others can't sit down, but i would've just said excuse me so you moved the bag. and youths in groups often make fun of/mildly harass anyone who happens to be around, just as a way to look cool and get laughs in the group.

it's nothing personal

Yer but I look around and others don't ever seem to be affected by rude people. It always seems to be me.

That's exactly how I feel. My Mum and other people try to reassure me that it's not just me, its everyone but I have a hard time accepting this. Well at least we can both live in the knowledge that neither of us are alone in this eh!

Unfortunately, this is the way people behave in Britain these days. I come across rude and arrogant people on a daily basis. Unfortunately, bus travel being a necessity for me (I live in a rural area), I often feel the wrath of random strangers.

Have you asked anyone about your fashion sense? I used to think I was getting it pretty spot on but then I found out by accident that I was dressing in an unusual way. I usually just go to Primark with a support worker whos the same age as me (I'm coming up to 23 so we're similar age) and get some simple but fashionable clothes. I've noticed the less you try to stand out with fashion the better. I'm not saying you're bad at fashion of course, I'm merely trying to understand if there IS a reason people seem to be singling you out.

Hope you don't feel so alone now. I know I don't

I agree, I think it's just coincidence that people are acting rude towards you...although it's not really towards you, it's just because you happen to be in the wrong place, so don't take it too personally.

The woman picking-up your bag and throwing it at you to sit down - common, it's an example of rudeness being contagious; people in general don't move their things so people can sit down, so it means people in general end-up pre-empting this rudeness by being rude themselves first - i.e. moving your bag without saying 'excuse me' or sitting somewhere else (as they think you should move your things for them, so make a point to sit there and move your things for you).

I'll counter this with my own example of public transport rudeness - twice within a week I've sat next to someone on the metro, been polite saying 'excuse me' to let them know I'm going to sit next to them, both times they've sat reading a newspaper to the side so the paper has been in my personal space and literally right under my nose.

College students sitting behind you knocking the back of your chair - if they were doing this on purpose then this was just them being immature jerks, their focus on you was likely a. you happened to be sitting in front of them, and b. you're closer to their age, they'd be less likely to pull this nonsense with someone closer to their parents age. I've noticed as I'm getting a little older this sort of thing happens less, I'll still get the odd occasions like this but still not as bad as I would have a few years ago.

People walking into you - again, rude jerks who are ignorant to those around them, very common. In my old town people were especially bad for this, if they were walking on without any intention to move then I'd make a point not to move either - or at least not to move so far out the way that I couldn't elbow them on the way out - this is pre-emptive rudeness, not good but sure makes you feel better!

It's nothing personal, they're just being rude. If brave enough pull them up for their rude behaviour or be just as rude back, if not then just learn not to take it so personally and ignore their rude behaviour.

It's got nothing to do with what I wear, because I do know what sort of things are in the fashion. Anyway my cousin (who is 2 years older than me) is an expert on fashion, and she has often gone out shopping with me and helped me choose trendy clothes. And the types of clothes she chose were the types I would choose anyway, whether I was with her or not. In colder weather I often wear skinny jeans with boots, which are what almost everybody wears, and I often wear a short jacket with a long top on underneath, which is how most girls wear their clothes now (well, I see it everywhere anyway). In hotter weather I wear short shorts, which is the fashion and makes girls look ''sexy'', and I wear a long T-shirt with them, and neat little sandels. And yes, I shave my legs, wash and brush my hair, pluck my eyebrows, and wear no socks with sandels. I do have quite a good sense of fashion.

Anyway - not everybody wears the same clothes anyway. It's not like a uniform contest.

I have had experiences like that on public transport Joe90 it is awful.

I think some of us just have better manners, bag lady was rude and one day she may regret doing such a thing when someone else has a go at her for behaving that way. I would have waited a few minutes then asked her to let you out then moved away from her just because.........

I once had to endure a long train journey [4 hours] sat next to a drunk woman and her soon to be son-in-law, it was awful, swearing, spitting, abuse towards each other and eventually missing their stop. They then pulled the emergency chord.
I was frozen to my seat as I thought asking them to let me out would cause more problem.
They were arrested at the next station and I went to the toilet and wiped the spit off my face.

It is usually other people who have the problem Joe90 not us.

I agree with Bloodheart, I think a lot of these are casual discourtesies that people inflict carelessly on others.

I mean, I have had people not just move my stuff to sit down next to me on the bus, I have had people actually try to sit on my stuff. No one stops to ask, and it's pretty rude.

I don't know, I pretend most people don't exist when I'm in public and accommodate them being near me as little as possible. I may not even notice a lot of rudeness because I don't care about their existence at that moment.

Doesn't excuse any of it, though.

I went to school in the city and I learned real fast how to spot the predators in the herd. They seem to pick on the meek - people who won't make eye contact, people who's eyes dart away quickly, people with their head down when they walk... those entirely likely to NOT defend themselves. I do NOT make eye contact but I learned real fast to hold my head up (I used to walk with my head down - way down) and scan my surroundings. I don't look at eyes but I can look in the general direction of faces. Small things that just make you seem more aware and more self assured. I know it sounds crazy but especially in the city, people seem to revert to pack mentality. The alpha wolf holds his head and tail high and stares down his subordinates - the omega is the scapegoat, singled out for the packs abuse. You don't need to be the alpha but you can get yourself out of that omega role with a few tricks.

I have found that when I am having a bad day, that random strangers seem to want to interact with me. For example, I was standing in the check out line in a supermarket one evening. Some guy behind me starts asking how I am doing this evening? I was idly reading the headlines on the newspaper on the display rack, and didn't bother to answer. I figured I hadn't initiated, so why participate? He continued trying to get my attention. Then I looked up and realized he had his wife with him, and she was giving me what looked like an apologetic smile.

When I got out into the parking lot, I hesitated for a moment, because I was trying to decide which way I wanted to walk home. This guy actually came out behind me and started asking me if I even knew where I was going! And laughing loudly. I wanted to kick his teeth in. I realize now, that my apparently submissive behavior bought out the behavior that draelynn described.

There is definitely some truth to this. You can even walk around with your head down like you're deep in thought if you are able to shift quickly to different posture that suggests you are still alert and confident. It's a subtle body language thing that takes a great deal of practice for someone on the spectrum. But it can be done. I'd like to say I'm able to easily make this type of transition, but I have a mixed record on the matter. When I pull it off, the reaction is a bit amusing. Someone expecting a meek response is instead blasted with a full intensity autistic stare. I've had people stop in their tracks.

So true!

That is good advice, but when I used to be scared of dogs as a child, I was always told never to look at the dog, and the dog won't be interested in me either. It worked, and since then I haven't been afraid of dogs. And I thought that worked on people too - I thought the less you look at them, the less they expect from you, and so they don't bother to acknowledge you either (unless you know them, which is different).
Once I caught somebody glaring at me, and I smiled to them, and they never smiled back, and that's actually happened a few times, so smiling at them doesn't help.

Rude is just another personality type inherent in human beings. If you watch, these types of people are rude to EVERYBODY, not just you. These people only have as much power as you give them. I'm the type to simply say 'wow, that was incredibly rude." and continue on my way. I don't think much about them - its their social dysfunction, not mine.

If it's a very recent change, it may be an age thing; people are more understanding/scared of younger people. Also if you dress well, there may be a bit of inverted snobbery going on; they might have though you were acting 'entitled' by taking up another seat (still no reason to be rude though).

Another possible reason is that if you don't wear glasses, you may be missing subtle clues on peoples faces or maybe more people are swerving to avoid you than you realise!

I agree with Bloodheart and Verdandi, they also could be complete coincidences. Public transport can bring out the worst in people.

Well I am debating to myself that I should make more eye contact with people, because, in the long run, it may help me. It seems to work for other people. My mum said that her friend got on the bus the other day when I was on there, and I had my earphones in my ears, and she said hello but realised I obviously weren't looking, and when my mum told me, I panicked because I thought that her friend might have thought that I was unfriendly, but instead it was because I don't look at anyone. It's got nothing to do with faceblindness, because if I had of looked up, I would have recognised her straight away, and said hello. So that's another reason why I should look up at people more - so that I could spot people quicker and then look more friendly.