Sensitivity to criticism

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I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences something like this. I'm undiagnosed Asperger's (but fairly certain that I have it). I don't know if this problem could be from Asperger's or if there is something else going on.

I've always been extremely hurt by criticism. My father is the type to find fault in anything, and more recently, my boyfriend is the same way. I can't seem to let the criticisms bounce off me; I always soak them up. For example, yesterday my boyfriend told me I look like a slacker because I wear Converse and have long hair (so does he). Now, I know perfectly well that I only wear Converse because I like the look of them and they are vegan, and long hair is associated with laziness in men, not women. But today I scrubbed my shoes to make them new looking and cut a few inches off my hair. I have enough pride to not make any extreme changes, but if I can do something to get a little bit of approval I'm going to do it even if it makes me feel silly.

I shouldn't even be worried about this because a lot of his criticisms come from our age difference. I am 22 and my boyfriend is 47. I used to dress up more but he hated that and wanted me to dress down more because he said I looked like a 7th grader. Looking at it objectively, I don't think I dress like a 7th grader. It's just how people in my generation dress. But all these little comments still stick to me and make me feel like a moron somehow. Mainly it just really hurts that someone I love would be so mean.

I have to tell myself constantly their criticisms are a reflection of them and not me, but it's hard to be convincing when I can still remember vividly anything bad that was ever said. Anyone ever feel like this?

Your boyfriend is 47?

I wonder if you don't put too much weight on what he says since he is so much older? Wear your hair as you like and the clothes that you want to wear!

I don't know your situation obviously but you sound like you might be easily manipulated especially by an older person romantically. Again, I don't know you but relationships with such a large age gap and where the guy is older (as is usually the case) seem like they rarely have a truly equal dynamic...

I also HATE criticism. I end up crying or getting upset over it. I also hang onto the negative comments more than the positive. I think it's an Aspie thing as other people here on this site have the same type of issue.

This. I can't imagine someone going on 50 wearing converse and having long hair.

Anyway, I too have a hard time getting criticized. I had an English instructor tell me that my writing was amazing but I needed to work on this, that, and these. She knelt right next to me, while I was in a peer review group. I felt hot, confused, anxious, and I generally just wanted her to gtfo. Even though she was complimenting my writing, she offered criticism (in front of a group of my peers). I couldn't handle it, I started tearing up and excused myself from the class.

This is another reason why I've kept smoking marijuana. It helps me 'let go' of small things like this. Now if someone has something to criticize me about, I shrug it off. It's still hard, but I'm learning to stop my mind from running away with random thoughts.

Holy f**k, 47?

I am also very sensitive to criticism. Whenever my artwork or writing gets criticized, I take it personally and my feelings get hurt - even if the criticism is constructive. I would love to be able to handle criticism in a mature manner instead of bawling over it.

Professor criticism can be a good thing if it helps you improve your work. Sure some of my Literature of the Sea teachers comments were harsh in a way she was nice by saying I was enthusiastic and optimistic. She saw that in me through an online messageboard. After reading Moby Dick which I HATED DAY 1 I apologized since it is a great book. Her criticism was positive and engaging. Personally I want someone LIKE HER for an academic advisor when I get to grad school.

I'm not sensitive to thoughtful criticism, but criticism is rarely thoughtful when it's directed at us personally. It typically comes from a**holes who thrive on negativity and love judging others. You don't like my haircut? Good for you. Eat me.

My previous job at crapola department store,

the criticism was basically just cheap oneupsmanship,

by fellow commission salespeople who didn't want much competition.

Since those with Asperger's Syndrome are used to ritual and/or routine, criticism is a sensitive area. I can definitely relate. I believe that why we Aspies have such difficulty is that being criticized requires us to change.

I still wear Converse (& Vans) and have long braided hair, does that make me look like a 7th grader to your boyfriend? I have kids your age and they don't think so, nor does my 64 year old husband. It's just how I feel comfortable.

I think you are fine to wear what makes you comfortable (as long as it's not a formal occasion where dress is strictly no sneakers) Your boyfriend should be concerned with what think at least as much as what he thinks. One good part is that you tried to find a middle ground by cleaning up the sneaks and trimming the hair (maybe you had split ends). Now it is his turn to reach for the middle ground. I think you handled the criticism well even though your feeling were hurt and hope it was constructively said to you. Maybe it is the way they say it to you that makes it sting. If it is, you could try talking to them about it. It's a lot different to say to someone that you should clean your sneakers than that your converses look like they are a kids.

Vegan


That is all.

I'm also very sensitive to criticism. I take it to heart and my brownies start to water if I'm critisized by other aspies for being the way that I am. If an NT does the same thing, I become cold and give them the silent treatment. I gave my mum the silent treatment and kept my distance around the same time each month for a year. There will be no more of that.