"Social skills"

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I've always heard people with AS lack social skills or need to learn social skills. What extactaly are these "social skills" I am always being told I lack or need to learn? Is it resisting the urge to bash people's heads in for not knowing what a meerkat is or asking me if I like meerkat manor for the umpteenth time?

Things that are in this thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt131296.html

Making eye contact, being good at small talk, "reading between the lines," knowing what to say and what not to say, reading the facial expressions and body language of others, recognizing sarcasm and joking, and God knows what else I'm leaving out because I don't even recognize what else I'm doing wrong.

Social skills are things like eye contact and reading body language and non verbal cues. Knowing what not to say because you know it mat offend someone, understanding other peoples perspectives and point of view. Doing turn taking in conversations, having normal conversations, doing small talk.

Not talking exclusively about meerkats... asking other people about their interests... paying attention to what they say... looking in their general direction when talking with them... being knowledgeable about what expression is on your face and knowing if it is appropriate for the situation. You don't want to look happy and giddy at a funeral, for instance...

Realizing that the expression on your face _is_ important and that other people decide what you are like based on it.

Or maybe that's just me...

Depends on who's funeral it is. I don't care how socialy accepted it is or isn't, there are LOTS of people who's funerals I am going to dance at.

I secretly hope that some of these American soliders that get killed in Iraq are my bullies from when I was in school.

When I heard that the Crocodile Hunter had finnaly kicked the bucket, this was how I felt:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kp-I-HsPFM&feature=fvst

Great example...

If you HATE someone - no matter how much you would want to dance on his grave, showing up at his funeral and expressing that sort of hate shows a complete lack of respect for that person's family and friends who very well may not deserve that sort of - evil - treatment. Dance on the grave after the family have departed - pee on his headstone - whatever. He's dead. He really doesn't have an opinion either way any longer. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

Taking joy in the death of others is a serious symptom of sociopathic tendancies. You may want to get that checked out.

Really - Steve Irwin? You may have found him annoying and a total tool but being happy the guy is dead? A completely peaceful, benign, decent human being... and you're happy he's dead? That's pretty repulsive.

"Dancing at one's funeral" is just an expression or figure of speech. I think it basicaly means you are happy they are dead. I never even look up my bullies' Myspace or Facebook pages. I don't even know if they have one. I got better things to do. Perhaps I should look up their Facebook pages.

Call me reulsive if you will, but I hated the man when he was alive. Catching live pigs to bait crocodiles (they pulled that eppisode very quick but I never forgot it), drilling holes into crocodile's heads to insert tracking devices, jumping on them and basicaly man handling them doesn't warrent my respect. His animals were clearly afraid of him. I'm not saying it's wise to go up and expect crocodiles to let you cuddle them, but if they have nothing to fear from a person and are not hungry, they are usualy don't care who is in their enclosure with them.

I remember one eppisode where he had to vaccinate a kangaroo and was chasing it and hanging onto it's tail. Surely they could have worked with that kangaroo and trained it to allow vaccines and injections. Tigers can be trained to allow blood draws and vaccines. I've always heard that sting rays are one of the most peaceful members of the animal kingdom. I do have to wonder what he did to piss one off. Sure the man had good intentions, but I feel the animal world is a lot better off without him.

I remember expressing a lack of sympathy or concern about someone else's death - that was a real social faux pas, and I've never done it again. My only defense was I didn't see why it was necessary to speak nicely of the dead when they're dead and don't care. Well, clearly, their friends and family do.

I don't feel much of anything when I hear most people die, at least I can't detect any emotions I do feel. I can't say it doesn't have an effect. I don't celebrate, and I don't want people to die, I just don't typically feel grief that strongly.

I know in a few cases I very likely will.

I am tempted to debate this particular topic... but I won't. It would be far off of your original topic. I would suggest you look into the problem of non native invasive species in Australia and the government's adopted methods of control, though. Or ask one of our Aussies on the board about feral pigs.

I had always thought the phrase was 'dance on one's grave'... not funeral. I didn't catch that intent in your post and took it literally. Apologies.

I don't understand respecting the dead rule. What if the person was a bully to you? What if that person raped you? What if that person was a serial killer? I don't see anyone respecting the dead when it comes to Hitler or other serial killers. Does that rule not apply to them?

It drives me crazy when someone was hated and then that person dies and all of a sudden people are saying nice things about them when they had said nasty things about them before. To me it's all fake. Either keep their mouths shut or say mean things about them as always.

I agree with you.

I just stay quiet for a bit if I don't want to hurt anyone. Unless the dead person was a jerk, in which case I may very well say so. But most of the time, I act based on the outcomes I want. Often, talking about how horrible someone was right after they died utterly fails to get me the outcome I want.

Invasive or not, it still was a living creature. Maybe if he killed it first before tying it up and dangling it for the crocodile. ..while it was still ALIVE. Feral animals can still suffer. If it were a dog or cat (which are notoriously invasive and distructive in Australia I hear), there would be a huge fuss....probably even if he had killed it first. No problem about the expression. My father is the only one I've ever heard use it like that before. I've always wondered if I could be a sociopath, but aren't sociopaths supposed to abuse and torture animals instead of protecting or defending them?

You can hate the dead all you like. In fact, the law states that there can no be libel charges brought on someone who defames the dead because - well - they are dead. They aren't exactly here any longer to be libelled.

Not speaking badly at a funeral is about respecting that dead persons living relatives - it's not really about the dead. This is the reason most people hate the Westboro Baptist Church and their hate campaign at funeral - especially of servicemen. They can't hurt the dead - but they can definitely hurt grieving family and friends with their hateful words. And it IS legal to do so. It just isn't sociallly acceptable - which is why so many people hate them in return.

The social lying about the dead is also all about respecting the family left behind. The dead's actions may have hurt you - but your hateful words will only reach the innocent family's ears. Like I suggested - go pee on the dead persons tombstone if it makes you feel better but spare the greiving family your hateful words.

Ummmm... and what happens when a croc catches a wild pig... in the wild? Crocs are known to be wary and crafty. If I'm not mistaken, in that episode he explained why he needed the pig alive... to outsmart a wiley and dangerous croc.

I have no love for people who intentionally hurt animals but I also believe you need to let nature be nature. Lion kills on the Serengeti are brutal. Wolf packs got their much feared reputation and were hunted to near extinction because of the way in which they hunt and eat... it was considered 'evil'. If a wiley croc will only take live bait... then that's what you use.

Everything in context...