Verbal Shutdowns: Conversion Disorder or Something Else?

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I have this intermittent thing where I can't talk. Sometimes I can subvocalize but not speak out loud (which is consistent with muteness caused by conversion disorder) and sometimes I can't even subvocalize. Sometimes I can speak but my ability to assemble sentences properly is limited (I'll stick to 2-3 words at a time and hope people listening can fill in the blanks). Either way, I can sing but not speak.

Most of the time I can speak in a manner that probably comes across as relatively typical, but what is often happening is that my thoughts and my speech aren't matching up very closely - for the most part if I want to speak clearly on something, I need to write about it first - my writing much more fluently echoes my thoughts and intentions than my speech, but even then I can lose a lot of speech right in the middle of a sentence and it becomes a lot of effort to express a coherent statement, whether it reflects my thoughts or not.

But mostly, I'm having periods of losing words entirely. They usually only last for a few hours or a day or so, and they aren't particularly worrying to me (although I think I should arrange to see a neurologist if at all possible). What usually prompts them is my tendency to ignore shutdowns until they become overwhelming or a lot of emotional overload (my depression recently returned and since last night has been fairly intense and difficult to cope with, and this afternoon, my speech just cut off).

Anyway, does this happen to anyone else? Thoughts on what's going on?

I mentioned conversion disorder because intense emotions can trigger it (but they can trigger shutdowns and meltdowns too, so maybe I'm looking too much into this).

I thought this happened to all of us....

Yes... Language sometimes goes away...

My suspicion is that it does, but I wanted to talk about it because it's been happening a lot lately.

The other day I even downloaded a text-to-speech program and now I am wishing I had a laptop to take to therapy. I can't get my therapist to read anything, but maybe she'd listen to that, and I can say things through that which I have a lot of trouble expressing verbally.

Print ahead of time what you want to say and bring it. Make them read it while you sit there. I do that sometimes.

Yeah, that may be worthwhile, although I have tried in the past and it didn't get very far (I wanted her to read an e-mail but she said she'd "read it later" which never happened). That attempt was before your assertiveness advice, so worth trying again.

Also, while not speaking: some echolalia.

Interesting... It kills me how you can't seem to get NTs to do your calling. I just march in with papers in hand, sit down, hand them papers and refuse to speak to them. They can read the bloody paper while I sit there. I will respond to questions only at that point.

Your sessions are YOUR time... Not theirs.

Things have improved since that one time you advised that sort of action. I haven't tried the writing in months, since the last attempt failed. That was my attempt to explain why I have trouble saying everything I want, and even if I sound coherent, odds are good my speech is going way off-track from what I'm thinking and want to say. Especially if I'm interrupted consistently and can't complete sentences.

I am almost always better off typing out my agenda and formulating ahead of time what it is I want to say. I have no problems writing emails or printing them to bring to my sessions for the therapists to read while I sit there and focus on breath or stim. It is very empowering and helpful. I highly recommend this to everyone on the spectrum as a valid therapy session. I come out of these less "beat up" than the other sort.

You speak wisdom. Or type it.

Part of me still wishes I had an ipad or iphone or laptop to use text-to-voice, though.

Sometimes I stop speaking in the middle of a sentence.

You know the funny part? I have been doing this for my whole life. I come to meetings with agendas and prepared. It has always made me seem like some sort of "super NT" to the NTs. Only this year did I discover that it is because of autism that I MUST do this. It used to boggle my mind that others would just show up to meetings. They always seemed so out of it compared to me as a result. LOL!

I've done it when I can but I haven't always had access to a working printer. Once I got access to the internet I pretty much stopped communicating by phone and tried to get people to deal with me only through e-mail, too.

My neuropsych (autism specialist) says it's autism being autism. The (...idiot of a...) neurologist I saw said conversion disorder. She also said I'm not autistic, which is a total joke. Don't I wish?

I remember your thread - it's one of the reasons I've been having conversion disorder on the mind every time I lose speech. Your neurologist sounded pretty awful then and is no better now.

I think "autism being autism" is the best explanation.

I do that a lot, but when I do it's usually because I lost my train of thought and have to find it again.

I've also stopped in the middle of a sentence and couldn't speak easily or at all because I felt like an aphasia bomb went off in my head - but that happens sometimes with migraines or sometimes on its own, too. When I had one in front of my therapist, she finally admitted that I have unreliable communication skills.

Dr. J says it's fine to type. Staff doesn't like typing and tries to get to talk. They seem to think can speak if try harder. Sometimes, yes; sometimes, no and need to type, darn it! Staff says is preferable to be silent than to type.