An example of this happened just now. My mother wanted me to "bake the chicken". She didn't tell me which chicken to bake. Was it a whole chicken or pieces of chicken breast or frozen chicken wings? Who knows? She just said to "bake the chicken" and expected me to know exactly what was in her mind. I asked her which chicken, and she said to look in the fridge. I looked in the fridge and didn't see any ready to bake chicken. She got exasperated and told me that it was obvious that I should be looking in the freezer for the bag of frozen chicken wings that is only one of the several kinds of chicken that we have in the house. She expected me to know the exact FACTUAL information in her head rather than her feelings or intentions or beliefs.
WTF? I'm sorry, but this isn't a theory of mind issue, is it? There's no non-verbal cue for "bake the frozen chicken wings" and another for "bake the pieces of chicken breast", right?
This kind of thing happens all the time. This isn't like her saying that the dishes are dirty but not directly asking me to wash them. I can understand that she wants me to wash them. Btw, I asked her why she never asked me directly, and she said that asking directly "cheapens" the experience, while intuiting her intentions elevates it and indicates a good relationship between us. OK, well, I guess that makes sense from her perspective, although I don't find that asking directly cheapens anything, but still, the thing with the chicken makes no sense at all.
Does this happen to anyone? What are your stories? Why would my mother think that I know which chicken to bake?
04 Jul 2011, 8:36 pm
