Does anyone NOT identify with Attwood's Complete Guide?

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I have been reading Attwood's Complete Guide, and I find that I do not identify with most of his descriptions, especially the ones involving social and emotional issues. I know that each person with AS is different, so I want to find out if there are others here who do not identify with his descriptions.

In Chapter 3, Social Understanding and Friendship, Attwood describes children with AS as wanting to socialize and make friends, at least by the time they reach school-age, but not knowing how or going about it the wrong way. I feel that he has made a major assumption that children with AS do want to socialize, make friends, or feel left out if they cannot. In my case, I did not. Before the age of 10, I had no awareness of children or adults outside the home, no idea of socialization, no idea of friendship, and very little idea of speech and gesture as means of mind-to-mind communication, with decent reception and lack of expression. After, I picked up on these ideas, but still had no desire or need to socialize and make friends. Incidentally, I did make friends in high school and college, but could not keep with their levels of socialization, so I was always considered the weird one who only participated in group activities occasionally. In general, I was happy being alone then, I am happy being alone now, and I just do not have these massive amounts of social desires and needs that Attwood assumes that people with AS have and do not have the skills to satisfy, thus driving them into unhappy states of mind. Reading his descriptions, it feels to me like he is projecting his own desires and needs or the desires and needs of the majority of NTs onto autistic people. He assumes that lack of socialization is an inherently negative or unhealthy thing for us, and while that may be true for some, it is not true for all. Does anyone else feel this way?

In Chapter 7, Special Interests, Attwood goes on to hypothesize that children and adults with AS pursue their special interests as a way to compensate for lack of socialization and friendship. This rings absolutely false to me. The pursuit of special interests is not a withdrawal from hurtful social experiences, but the default setting. For me, special interests and intellectual activities have always been prioritized way above people, ever since I was old enough to pursue any activities, so there is no withdrawal from anything. Attwood again assumes that people with AS hold people at same priority as NTs do, so it is only after we have "failed" with people that we turn to our special interests. No no no! For me, special interests generate levels of happiness that no amount of successful social connection or friendship could possibly match. Does anyone else feel this way?

Throughout the book, Attwood uses the analogy of us having to learn a different culture and language to get along in the NT world. I do not doubt that, but I do doubt that we have the same desires, needs, and priorities as NTs. For me, the drive to learn the culture and language has only to do with the practicalities of everyday life, such as going to school or working at a job, and has nothing to do with me having those same desires, needs, and priorities and just lacking the skills to satisfy them.

I have other issues with other descriptions, but I want to find out if anyone who has read the book feels the same way as I do. Or if anyone who has not read the book identifies with what I described here. I do not have anything against Attwood, but I was surprised that I identified with so little of what he described.

No one book can decribe every single variation. Tony Attwood is usually very upfront about that in his prefaces. He usually speaks to what he has found as the most prevalent traits from his practice - but they are by not means the only traits in AS.

If you are looking for a book that describes you personally, I'm afraid you are going to have to write it.

I agree with everything you wrote. But, isn't a lack of interest in peers and relationships part of the diagnostic criteria? All I know is that while I do have some desire to socialize, it is extremely minimal as compared to other people. It seems as if most aspies here do fit the description in Attwood's book, but I don't think I'm one of them.

I don't really care about socializing. I mean I do it to some extent, and I do not hate it, but I could easily go without it for days at a time (and have).

I don't engage in my interests because of lack of socializing. If anything, my interests make it easier for me to not socialize. Also, a couple of my long-term interests actually required socializing, so I ended up interacting more rather than less while engaged in them.

I agree with Draelynn that any book is going to be filled with generalizations, but I do find it passing strange when someone decides that what a book or professional says must be true for everyone.

I agree with your critiques, and I think they come from the fact that Mr. Attwood isn't actually autistic himself. He's trying his best, I suppose; but really, it's like writing about Japan when you've spent all your life living in the US and have only gotten to talk to immigrants from Japan for your information.

Books written by NTs about autistics should be taken with a grain of salt. Don't get me wrong: Many of these NTs are highly educated, and fascinated with autism or with neurology in general. They know a lot of stuff, they may be involved in research or have clients who are autistic, and they can offer an outsider's perspective. In fact, their work is invaluable to us, because NTs who know a lot about autism can serve as translators. But, without the experience of being autistic themselves, they can never give more than an NT viewpoint on autism.

We already have a lot of autistic people writing about themselves and their lives, but they for the most part are not psychologists, neurologists, or therapists; so they can talk about being autistic, but not about being an autism researcher, therapist, or special ed teacher for autistic students.

We need more autistic writers who can study autism professionally, in order to gain the experience that these NT writers have and offer the benefit of both the clinician's experience and the insider's perspective. There aren't too many of them, but with the disability rights movement allowing us better entry into schools and universities, I'm sure that many more such "insider" experts will start to emerge.

Yes, I see this as a valid question. Like you I found it difficult to identify with Aspergers as defined ny Tony Attwood's book. That said my girl friend found it informative about how things are from my perspective