Diagnosed. Now what?

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So today, at age 38, I was officially diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

Described to me as "towards the Asperger's end, but maybe not Asperger's".

It comes as a relief. I am relieved to know that there is a reason why I have struggled so much and screwed up my mental health in the process by trying to cover up my autistic traits and "act normal".

So now what? Do I suddenly drop the act and just "be me"??

Do I tell my family? Do I tell my work?

The diagnosis is not the answer, just the beginning of more questions.

I feel a little overwhelmed actually. When I went to my GP 5 months ago and suggested it, I did not expect to be taken seriously. But I was. And even though I was taken seriously and referred to our mental health team I did not expect a diagnosis of ASD - I assumed that I would be brushed off as an anxious, depressed middle-aged woman who just needs to pull herself together.

But no. I am now officially diagnosed as autistic. The other thing I was told by the psych who delivered the news was "It was obvious from the very beginning".

Wow.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 26, just a few months ago. A couple weeks ago, I had a more official, standardized test, and will go in for the results tomorrow morning. I did not tell a whole lot of people. I did tell my school as I require a private exam room, and now that I get one (in my third year!) I do far better, so it was good to tell them. Not everyone needs to know though.

I told my parents right away. They accepted it immediately, always knowing there was something unidentified about me my whole life. My Mom tells pretty much everyone. She has told coworkers who have known me most of my life, as well as a few family members. I haven't told any of them myself. I told my best friend as well...which didn't go quite as I expected, so I didn't tell others. I WILL tell at work IF, and only if, I need to. I don't want them to start behaving differently around me or applying the often misguided connotations the word autism often brings.

One thing I have noticed since the diagnosis, though, is I am more comfortable being me. I have had my ups and downs since then, but overall, I do not try and hide my autistic traits anymore (not that I was ever overly successful at that anyway). I would suggest to be yourself: you will be more comfortable with yourself if you can actually be yourself!

Tell only those who you feel need to know. If your parents or other family members are generally open, then it would be a good idea to tell them possibly (but don't worry about it if you know they will not understand). It can help them understand some of your quirks. If you want to tell a few friends, do so only if you feel comfortable doing so. It is no one's business unless you want to tell them! I would suggest not mentioning at work unless you feel you need to for some reason or another. Again, it is not their business. If it will help, mention it...if not, why bother?

Paradoxically, is sucks and is great news at the same time.

I was dx'd at age 52 after many years of excruciating frustration and wrong diagnoses. It has been a daunting, intense but very useful transition to a new reality.

Hang in there. It gets better as long as you keep fighting.

I was diagnosed at the age of 41, a year ago.
It was a relief. Somehow the "official test" makes it "okay", even though I was certain of it even before the test results. The descriptions just fitted a little too well.

I still fight with those questions. As I am middle-aged and acceptably adjusted in the society, I'm pretty good with "the act" - but is it "an act" or just normal human adjustment to the society one happens to live? Now that I have an "excuse" not to fit, can I stop trying, even though I'm good at it, and take the road to isolation and misanthropy, which is the "natural" state of Aspies, or keep trying for the sake of belonging to the human race and society and community and all that? Is it really that important to be social? In fact, I don't think so... even though I think that for the human kind in all, the social capacity, kindness and social intelligence, has been essential (together with another quality the Aspies are not that good at - curiosity and exploration), it is not essential for all the human beings to be social and adventurous. I think the world and human kind need also the eccentric misantrope researchers and nutty professors, and I think that part is for us.

Isn't individuality supposed to be a good thing, and aren't we to be true to ourselves? Not everyone can be social genius, super model or Olympic athlete, so why even try? I'm fed up with the shallow ideals the society tries to push on everyone; "you have to be thin, fit, beautiful, sexy, young, have white teeth" and what not. I also hate every other effort to force others in a certain form, shape, box... I don't think intelligence is the most important quality a human being can possess, I find the Nazi Aryan superman ideal - healthy, strong and blond - extremely shortsighted and stupid. Once a guy explained that there shouldn't be any gays and women in army, because they are weaker than "real" men, and I thought about G.I.Jane. A gay man was a very important part in solving the Enigma during WWII...

So - if "the act" causes you problems, I think you should drop it. If not, keep living the same way you have lived so far.
After all, you are still the same person as before there were any "official diagnoses".

It has been a few years since I was diagnosed about exactly at your age. I had been attending counseling for a good portion of my life, when suddenly 4-0 stared me in the face. 3-0 didn't scare me. I was still a young man, but 4-0 meant middle age. So, my psychologist recommended I get tested for autism. When I found out the results, I was angry and suspicious. I said "No way. There are just too many other factors for me to be pigeon-holed in some condition". I fear the ostracization, and fought it. I also felt angry and bitter, because I didn't want to be labelled. My rage is my rage.

Then, I went through a period of horrible depression and loneliness. It didn't help that I worked at a place where there were beautiful women in their 20s. I made myself nearly sick brooding about my lifelong loneliness, and that everyone else seemed to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, whereas I was a lonely man who chanted to that song "I'm a Believer" - "I am not!". It got so bad that I had to take a breath, and find ways to get myself out of brooding about my condition.

Now, I am finally accepting it. I realize that it is reality. I brood and get very bitter. However, things are a little bit better. At least, I know, and that means I don't beat myself up and harm myself over something I have no control over. I don't know if I ever will find love in this World. All I have to do is try to live every day, and that's all I can do.

I was not diagnosed until I was 46. It took about 2 years of rearranging my concept of myself and how I had been relating to the world around me. It was an enormous relief too, being able to have a name for what set me apart all my life. For awhile, I had to grieve the person that I had fancied myself to be, and get to know the real me. Now, I am very comfortable with the diagnoses. At first I went around telling everybody, but now I save it for medical professionals that will be treating me over an extended period. I also have Aspie cards which I carry but rarely have a need to give out. I found a good support group for adults on the Spectrum, and met my fiance there. So, being diagnosed has brought me both good and sobering things to think about.

Been a few years for me. Not all of my family members understand it.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and for some helpful advice.
I have a lot more I want to say in reply but the words aren't coming just now.
I will revisit this thread to post a fuller response sometime over the next couple of days once I have the words again.