Processing Emotions

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Hi,

I am the parent of a 13y.o. boy diagnosed with autism. I am trying to understand how he processes his emotions because he feels his emotions intensely and has difficulty regulating his responses. To neurotypical people, his responses would appear "overblown" or too intense for a particular situation.

I would appreciate any insights you may have that would help me support him to integrate his experiences and emotions. I want to be able to teach him the tools he can use to process his feelings so he doesn't get so stressed.

Thanks!

Feeling things intensely isn't inherently bad. When things are great, they are GREAT!

But when they are bad, for me at least, I'm like a hunted or trapped animal.

One thing that has consistently helped me process my negative emotions into something more calm and even tinged with happiness and beauty is anything in the realm of art. This includes:

listening to music
playing music
singing
dancing
drawing
writing
reading fiction
looking at artfully taken photographs
watching movies
etc.

Seeing oneself reflected in the humanity other people or oneself puts into these media makes it possible to process one's own situation, which is impossible when one has NO distance from one's own body. Alexithymia encompasses confusion of emotions with bodily sensations and so for someone with it one IS one's own body and it is unthinkable to look at one's emotions with any distance since the emotions reside in the body UNLESS the emotions are located elsewhere.

I may not be able to offer the best advice, since I'm not really sure what it means to "process emotions." I feel what I feel, and it's not until the episode has blown over that I can "process" what happened. For me, it's about understanding what kinds of things set me off and trying to keep those triggers to a minimum. It's about reminding myself that other people often do things without thinking--and certainly without thinking about how they will affect me. Cognitive distortions have a lot to do with the intensity of what I feel, so try to figure out which cognitive distortions (example: over-generalizing, personalizing) play a part in your son's emotional reactions.

He's thirteen, though, so it's a tough time for developing emotional maturity.

Thanks so much for your responses! I shared them with my son and we had a great discussion about certain issues in his life that "trigger" intense emotions and possible strategies for alleviating the tension. He had actually come up with some solid solutions himself. I know this will be an ongoing struggle for him, though, especially since he is entering the teen years. He works very hard at mastering his brain processes in general, and emotional regulation is the one area that continues to create social problems in his life. Insights into the autistic/aspie mind help us greatly to support him. Thanks for your input and honesty!