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MagicMeerkat
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20 Jul 2011, 5:53 pm

I was confused as well too. I was never attracted to any sex. I had "chrushes" but I really wonder if it was really just wanting that said boy to be my friend. I was always considered a tomboy because I hated dressing femine but I think this was sensory based. I played with My Little Pony and Littlest Pet Shop but I think it's becuase they were animals and not people. I also had three older brothers and my mom was my only female influnce and was actualy a tomboy herself. I was never into make up and makeovers. I liked to play with make up and smear it on the bathroom mirror but I think it was a sensory things. I think I hated dressing femine because of sensory problems. All the dresses my mom got for me had lace and bows and crap which physicaly hurt me. I had a simple sleveless T shirt style dress that I loved. Why my mom never dressed me in a simple denium penifore or denium skirt is beyond me. I also think I was a victim of the self fullfilling prophecy because by the time I was in first grade, I would refuse to wear anything that screamed "girl". I also would only wear clothes that had something related to my special intrests on them. I don't think I ever outgrew that. I'm practicaly modling Hot Topic's Invader Zim line everyday for free. I had no problem wearing a pink shirt if it had a picture of Simba or a cat on it but in the early 90's there also seemed to be this stupid trend to put bows and other stupid things on little girl's T shirts. I would never wear those without an epic meltdown. I could never understand why so many little girls LOVED getting all dolled up in frilly dresses for picture day. I remember feeling confused about my gender quite young but my bigger problem was feeling as if I was born the wrong species but I actualy began to secretly idenify as a boy and wished I could have a sex change. I never mintioned it becuase my insanley homophobic parents would have probably beaten me. I watched a lot of cartoons as a kid but there were never any female characters that could protray a tomboy without coming across as a transvestite....or at least any that I knew about. Sonic's chipmunk girlfriend in Sonic SatAM is the exact example of what I wanted to see. A smart girl who isn't afraid to get dirty and could still come across as a respectable female. Yeah, I know a lot of people sex her up but in the cartoon she comes across as what I always wanted too see. I didn't idenify as a smart as a kid but still. Anyway, when it came to toys I perfered stuff like My Little Pony and Littlest Pet Shop which was heavily targeted at little girls. Looking back, I wonder if it was because they were animals. The only thing I liked about Barbie was her furniture and her pets. I had a few Barbies and doll furniture but the animals kicked Barbie out and took over the house in my role plays. I think I only used Barbie as a tourmenter of the animals that they would eventualy kill or overthrow.

I often read and hear that AS and autism might not be as rare in girls as people think it is. It's just that it presents diffrently in girls than it does in boys but in my case, I presented just like a boy with AS. I remember being facinated by the concept of sex change surgeries and secretly wanting one or at least being allowed to live as a boy. But seeing how I grew out of this as soon as I was allowed to be myself. I started to develop breasts around age eight or nine. I needed deodertant as young as four but deoderant never bothered me. When my mom finnaly decided by boobies got big enough for a bra and I started my period and the pads physically hurt me, my desires to be a male returned. I had a hystorectomy last January and I want a masestomy as well. I used to think there was an actual law where woman had to wear bras but aparently it's just "mother's law". I don't care if men stare at my "rack". That is their problem not mine. I don't think I would notice anyway. I'd much rather men stare at my breasts than at my face. Eye contact is very threatning for me. Why should I have to subject myself to tourture because men can't control themselves. My mom might as well buy me a chastity belt. If on some cold day in Hell I got married and my husband insisted on me wearing a chastity belt, I would divorse him on the spot, BTW. My mom also had an old fashioned mindset where woman should basicaly be subserviant to their husbands. She was very lucky to mary a man who wasn't a wife beater but rather a beater of his kids for attacking his wife because of a meltdown. Anyway, the idea of marriage never really apealed to me but when I realised it was basicaly a socialy accepted form of slavery, I made up my mind I NEVER wanted to be married. Anyway, is it common for autistic girls to be tomboys.


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NicoleR
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20 Jul 2011, 6:16 pm

I was a tomboy too, I didn't wear shoes, ran around the pavements and wrode my bike without shoes or socks. I didn't like dressing up at all, I think a lot of it had to do with the tags etc. I liked bagging not tight clothing, some of that has changed now though. I also didn't like the bright colours. I never liked playing "families" past the age of 3. I did have barbies but yes mine ended up through mud with my other toys. I liked rap music which put me out as a child a lot because as well as that I didn't like pop music. When I was 4 at Christmas and my mum took me to see Santa at the shopping centre I threw a tantrum until I got the army tank that I wanted instead of the doll. I never liked "tea parties". My favourite toy was my alien. I felt more like a boy growing up but last year and the year before I feel more feminine. I still hate shopping, make up etc, have never worn it under free will. I sometimes skateboard. I loved to wrestle and play boys games as a child. I don't wear tshrits that don't have a theme like Spiderman etc.



Rhiannon0828
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20 Jul 2011, 6:22 pm

I really wanted to be a boy, but only because I was very aware of all the double standards at a very young age. I did everything I could to act like a boy-even taught myself to pee in the toilet standing up! I was an ultra-tomboy. I did play with some "girl" toys-- I adored my model horses and stuffed animals. But it was because they were horses and other animals. I only owned barbies to ride my model horses, and as an added excuse to get the Barbie horse stable for Christmas. And I hated dresses when I was a little girl; girly, scratchy, nasty uncomfortable things. I started being ok with being a girl when I was around eleven or twelve, I think. But I've pretty much stayed a tomboy. I do enjoy tanks and hippy skirts when it's really hot outside, and sometimes I do enjoy looking feminine. I'm sorry you have such a negative view of marriage. A good one is nothing like slavery. My husband is one of my few true friends.



Princess78
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20 Jul 2011, 6:37 pm

I was never a tomboy. My sister, who doesn't have Asperger's, was the tomboy in the family, but we both liked to play with Barbies and The Little Mermaid and girly things like that. But sometimes we would play with things like Legos and blocks. I had a toy milk truck that came in a box of cereal when I was little. But I also took ballet and tap lessons until I got tired of them. We were never pressured to be "feminine." We were free to be who we wanted. I think it depends on what kind of family you came from and whether or not your parents encouraged you to be the kind of person you wanted to be.



Moopants
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20 Jul 2011, 6:47 pm

I have always been a "tomboy". Never wore dresses from the age I could tell people I hated dresses and skirts. I'm still the same now. I hated all pretend play so never bothered with dolls but i did love collecting cars. I hated my little pony which I saw as the epitome of girliness and twee.

I'm not confused by gender and never have been. I know I'm a woman. I'm comfortable being a woman but in all honesty gender and gender stereotypes have never had any influence on my life. As a young girl I would say I wanted to be a boy but only because I associated better with boys. I still do associate better with men on a non sexual level but believe being a woman makes me more powerful in these relationships.

Despite it all, and perhaps this is a learned behaviour, I despise sexism and the suggestion women are weaker sex. I don't put much weight in gender as a definition or descriptor in people and their preferences or abilities. For that reason I always hated being called a tomboy. I was still a girl.



Jediyoda
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20 Jul 2011, 8:06 pm

I was a tomboy when I was young I am still at tomboy. I was never really into barbie dolls and neither was my sister who also has AS and is also a tomboy we both ended up getting barbie dolls for christmas we ended up taking the barbie doll head off and using the head as a tennis ball and hitting it with a tennis racket and we ended up giving the barbie doll body to my neighbours dog who ended up ripping it to bits. My sister and I were more interested in matchbox cars, remote control cars, racing car sets, mecano sets, legos, riding skateboards and playing with superman, spiderman, he-man, teenage mutant ninja turtles, star wars figurines and playing football and soccer with the boys most of our friends were boys and my best friend even to this day is a boy I never really associated with girls and if I did the girls I hung around with were tomboys as well I have only three girls I associate with now and all three of them are tomboys but are married with children.

I don't wear dresses or skirts only on special occassions I wear shorts funny shirts or slacks, jumpers, tracksuits. I wear what is comfortable to me Im not into the latest fashion and I dont wear makeup. I usually wear Fox or Unit dirt bike and bmx, mountain bike brand shirts, surfing shirts, funny saying shirts, movie shirts, star wars shirts. I usually wear sneakers.

I love 4x4 wheel driving, cars talking about cars, airplanes, I use to be in three car clubs once, I still ride skateboards, bmx and mountain bikes and getting muddy and dirty, doing jumps and riding in the bush, I also help my male friends with fixing their cars and 4x4 wheel drives I also play computer games and game consoles like Xbox, Ps3 and playing online shooting games like battlefield, medal of honor, call of duty, Halo to name a few. I tend to understand men alot better than women and I dont understand women gossiping or general chat and their obsession with makeup, nails and fashion and hair I just couldnt get it thats why I never fit in. Im not really into cooking and I cant sew even if I tried. I can change a tire, change the oil and even install a uhf radio and stereo and speakers in a car, I can even build a speaker and I used to be a Roadie a person who loads and unloads trucks for bands its dirty work and you have to carry big roadie cases onto trucks its hot, sweaty and fast work most of the women I worked with were tomboys, ruff and tuff. were more interested in matchbox cars, remote control cars, racing car sets, mecano sets, legos, riding skateboards and playing with superman, spiderman, he-man, teenage mutant ninja turtles, star wars figurines and playing football and soccer with the boys most of our friends were boys and my best friend even to this day is a boy I never really associated with girls and if I did the girls I hung around with were tomboys as well I have only three girls I associate with now and all three of them are tomboys but are married with children.

I don't wear dresses or skirts only on special occassions I wear shorts funny shirts or slacks, jumpers, tracksuits. I wear what is comfortable to me Im not into the latest fashion and I dont wear makeup. I usually wear Fox or Unit dirt bike and bmx, mountain bike brand shirts, surfing shirts, funny saying shirts, movie shirts, star wars shirts. I usually wear sneakers.

I love 4x4 wheel driving, cars talking about cars, airplanes, I use to be in three car clubs once, I still ride skateboards, bmx and mountain bikes and getting muddy and dirty, doing jumps and riding in the bush, I also help my male friends with fixing their cars and 4x4 wheel drives I also play computer games and game consoles like Xbox, Ps3 and playing online shooting games like battlefield, medal of honor, call of duty, Halo to name a few. I tend to understand men alot better than women and I dont understand women gossiping or general chat and their obsession with makeup, nails and fashion and hair I just couldnt get it thats why I never fit in. Im not really into cooking and I cant sew even if I tried. I can change a tire, change the oil and even install a uhf radio and stereo and speakers in a car, I can even build a speaker and I used to be a Roadie a person who loads and unloads trucks for bands its dirty work and you have to carry big roadie cases onto trucks its hot, sweaty and fast work most of the women I worked with were tomboys, ruff and tuff.



Sweetleaf
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20 Jul 2011, 8:41 pm

This is an intresting topic for me......lol I feel like a guy trapped in a girls body a lot of the time. I mean if someone was to determine my gender based on my music taste, movie taste, alcohol taste or things like that they would probably assume I am male. A lot of times I dress like a male as well, but sometimes I like to dress like a girl........I always feel like a transvestite when I dress like a girl though. I am straight for the most part, I am open to some things with females but as for a serious long term relationship I can only see that working with a guy. If only I could find a dude who is into a chick who wants to go to the bar with them, chill with them and their friends and watch movies like Fight Club rather then forcing him to sit through some chick flick even I would not enjoy.



MagicMeerkat
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20 Jul 2011, 8:51 pm

Moopants wrote:
I have always been a "tomboy". Never wore dresses from the age I could tell people I hated dresses and skirts. I'm still the same now. I hated all pretend play so never bothered with dolls but i did love collecting cars. I hated my little pony which I saw as the epitome of girliness and twee.


I HATED the MLP cartoon. Well at least the one from the 80's. I hated the human characters. I secretly wanted to see Megan get trampled. I perfered the MLP Tales series.


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Last edited by MagicMeerkat on 20 Jul 2011, 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CockneyRebel
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20 Jul 2011, 9:25 pm

I don't feel female at all. I never did. I've even recently changed my gender in my WP profile. I never owned anything that was pink passed the age of three. I was very confused about my gender starting at the age of 4. I liked to play Spider Man and cars. I liked boy shows like Spider Man, The Incredible Hulk and The Dukes of Hazard. My dad caught my sister and I with tennis balls in our trousers and told us to never do it again. I really wanted to be a man when I grew up. I wanted the sex change and everything. One time I was in the front yard and I yelled out, "Auntie Warren and Uncle Ina!" Around the same time that Mick Avory left The Kinks in 1984, my mum tried to get into it with me about all men being stronger than all women. I told my mum that if I can't be a man when I grow up, than I want to look like a man and I prayed to God that entire week that I'd look like a man when I grow up. It actually worked! I prayed to God that I'd look like my favourite member of my favourite rock band when I grow up, convinced that my favourite band was The Beatles and John Lennon was my favourite. I've found out that I've always liked The Kinks better than The Beatles 10 years later and that I've started to bear quite a resemblance to the young Mick Avory as photographed in the August of 1964. It was great to see that same reflection again in 2009.

When I work out at the gym, I like to do weight exercises with 10 lbs at the least and 15 lbs at the most, depending on the muscle group that I'm working. I can also bench press 60 lbs 15x.


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Ilka
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20 Jul 2011, 9:43 pm

I had no idea it was that common in girls with AS to be tomboys. My Aspie daughter is quite the opposite. She is VERY femenine. She love makeup, dresses, heels, the pink color, and all that sissy stuff. I am not very femenine myself, so I always assumed she got that from TV. I had to buy her makeup because I dont use that. She loves leopard prints, and shiny things and jewelry.

I find interesting the toys choices. My daughter never really liked her barbie dolls, but she absolutely adore her LPS collection and stuffed animals.

She also started using (needing) deodorant very early (around 5).



pensieve
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20 Jul 2011, 9:45 pm

I think my tomboyness was just hardcore male mimicry. It had nothing to do with being like a boy but liking my friend so much that I started to copy him.Anyway, dressing like a boy was comfortable to me and didn't involve as much care as dressing a bit like in girl clothes. I'm also intensely allergic to makeup of all kinds.


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nonentity
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21 Jul 2011, 3:22 am

I am absolutely not a tomboy (in fact, for much of my life I had trouble interacting with men at all, and it's still sometimes awkward for me)... but at the same time I did for a long time think I was transgendered. I still sometimes fantasize about being male, but I've also come to like being female.

The only even remotely tomboy things about me as a kid were that I hated dresses (I don't hate them anymore, and even own one and a skirt, but I hate the idea that I should have to wear them at any time), hated not being able to do some things my brothers could (mostly take off my shirt, even just in the house, on super hot days; eventually stuff like this made me scared to be naked anywhere but in the shower), and played with "boy" toys (Hot Wheels, Legos, Star Wars action figures, GI Joes, anything my brothers had really). I played with My Little Pony and Littlest Pet Shop, but also Barbies, Polly Pocket, and a few baby dolls. I wore leggins for pretty much the entirety of my prepubescent years, because I hated the way jeans and rough fabrics felt on my legs. I loved pink, red, and purple, although I also thought that girls were only allowed to like those colors and got irrationally angry at boys for having all the other colors. I went through a phase of loving really bright clothing, then loving black clothing, and I guess I'm kind of in the middle now. I didn't do feminine necklines for a long time, though, because I had (and still have) a lot of body image issues, and felt exposed easily (probably related to the thing about not wanting to be naked anywhere but in the shower. I even learned how to change without ever being naked, which is useful today because I know how to take my bra off without removing my top! Heh). I loved Disney princesses a lot, and I apparently desperately wanted red sparkly shoes when I was little (I don't remember that, though it seems like me; my mother brought it up recently and apologized for never buying me any).

I didn't like the boy-girl separation, though. Even though I felt awkward around boys, I pretty much always blamed it on social separation of the genders. Boys always seemed to be allowed to do so much more. It didn't help that my parents had a tendency to be overprotective of me in weird ways.

And, like I said, I wanted to be a boy for a long time. Or a gay man, really — that was my big fantasy, which I suppose is odd because I also wanted to get pregnant. Some of my fantasies involved being abducted by aliens, going through a super-fast pregnancy, and then being transformed into a man and returned to Earth with my children, where I would meet some astonishingly handsome man who would fall in love with me. Which I guess is pretty much a girl fantasy, but with added male genitalia.

So, tl;dr at usual, but I wasn't a tomboy... just a baby feminist, I guess, with a weird male-transformation fantasy.



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21 Jul 2011, 3:36 am

I used to be a tomboy but I am not really so much any more in the sense that all my clothes are for girls now. Thankfully, the frilly painfulness of the 90's seems to have died out in recent years so girly clothes are now comfortable for me in a sensory way. Growing up I preferred trains and cars to Barbies, but I did love my Sylvanian families toys. I actually pulled the legs off my Cindy and we hung them out of my friend's bedroom window and watched as people struggled to work out what they were seeing! I was only recently able to start wearing a bra, again due to sensory problems as most bras are becoming less frilly and more comfortable. I did go through a phase of wanting to be a boy in my teens and although I now know that I am definitely a girl, I still struggle with knowing which gender I actually attracted to!


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21 Jul 2011, 4:56 pm

At the age of nearly 40, I'm often mistaken for a teenage boy by virtue, usually, of the way I dress (jeans, t-shirt, hoody) and the way I wear my hair (very short all over). My choice of clothing & hair is borne out of both practicality and sensory issues and has pretty much always been this way or very similar. I've always hated the feel of make up, so I never ever wear it.

I always have got on with boys/men better than girls/women just because the things I tended to enjoy were stereotypically more male than female. Though to be honest I've never understood that - why should certain activities be considered "boy activities" and others "girl activities"?

I don't recall ever wanting to be male - except out of idle curiosity in the same way as one might be curious about what it is like to be a cat, or a bird, or someone who lived in the 18th century. That said, I'm not particularly attached to being a woman, either. I'm just me. I don't consider myself a tomboy. Though others would disagree.


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Arian
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21 Jul 2011, 6:20 pm

I am a tomboy, although I've never wanted to be a boy. I was always aware I was female, but it didn't really make much impact on me. I've always been amazed when men have shown interest in me, because, why would they?


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21 Jul 2011, 7:15 pm

I find "femininity" impractical, uncomfortable, and stupid.

I've always felt more like an effeminate male nerd than a "masculine woman," however.

I've never understood the need for such strong, almost obsessive, gender segregation of interests, activities, and fashions. In reality, there are no such things as "girl's clothes," or "boy's toys," ect. There are only flimsy cultural constructs. If males and females have a tendency to gravitate towards certain things, fine, but these "norms" should never be forced on individuals. I'm a woman with an inch of hair on my head. I get very tired of people whining about how my hair is "wrong" and then using it as an excuse to treat me like crap. I've also been told I'll never get a job unless I grow my hair long.

Hey, U.S. American culture: kiss my a$$.


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