Should we get a diagnosis?

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Hey everyone,

I think my husband has Asperger's. We have not sought out a professional diagnosis. However, I have read everything there is to read online about Asperger's, I've read Tony Attwood's "Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" as well as two books on Aspie marriages (An Asperger Marriage and Alone Together), and I have personal experience with Asperger's -- my older sister was diagnosed with Asperger's back in 1996.

It was only a few months ago though that I even started to think that my husband might have it as well (we'd been married about a year and half). I was doing Asperger's research in order to figure out how to better connect with my sister now that we're both adults. And, the more and more I read, the more I thought -- this is my husband. At first, the thought scared me. But, the more I read, the more I thought that it could really help our relationship if I could better understand how he thinks and why he acts certain ways. I then spoke with a friend who is a special education teacher and she has no doubt that my husband is on the Autism spectrum.

Do you think we should still seek a professional diagnosis? I'm not looking for social classes or anything -- he has learned enough socially to get a job and all... just has trouble communicating with me and making friends. It would really just be so that I could be 100% positive and so that, if we did decide to tell other people like our families (or if we had a child with Asperger's since I think it's more likely to happen if he has Asperger's)... I would be more confident to tell them that he has Asperger's if we got a professional diagnosis. What do you think?

I voted "yes" on getting his diagnosis. The reason I see for it is it may be a way to get counseling for him to better communicate with you. I went through counseling to better communicate with my family after I was diagnosed---it helped my wife and kids better understand me---and for me to better communicate with them. And, I wanted to know from a professional.

If you both agree that your husband has AS traits and this knowledge already helps you to communicate better and strengthen your relationship... then i dont expect that an official diagnosis would give you much in the way of added benefit . You may be better off spending the equivalent amount of money on more resources to help you understand him and for him to understand himself better.

If you are unsure, or your husband feels it would personally benefit him and his self-awareness/esteem etc. or an official piece of paper would help your family understand (if you plan on telling them that is) then by all means go for a dx.

This depends upon where you live. If you can use an official diagnosis to obtain any needed services or accommodations, then you may want to consider a professional diagnosis. For the most part, especially in Florida, I recommend that you obtain an unofficial diagnosis. In Florida, there is ZERO services available for autistic adults ZILCH! In addition, an official diagnosis will most likely wreck any chance of getting inexpensive health insurance. Temple Grandin attests to that in some of her autism lectures. There are plenty of places where you can get a pretty reliable self (unofficial) diagnosis such as The A.Q. test.

There is nothing wrong with an unofficial (self) diagnosis provided it is based upon careful, objective research and study. I have had sever official but incorrect diagnosis for many other conditions. You and those very familiar with you know you better than some doctor or other expert who may only see you for an hour or two. There are plenty of good online guidance and testing based upon scientific data.

Thanks for all of your responses so far! This is really helpful.

Yes, Glider, I think you're right -- I think it could be helpful to get a diagnosis just to help us. But, MudandStars hit on what's really holding me back -- it's not cheap. I found someone who does evaluations in our area and it will cost us $225 -- not gonna break the bank but still a lot of money to us. And, to be honest, I'm also worried that we're going to spend that money and they're going to tell us that he doesn't have Asperger's and I will wind up with more questions than answers.

And, cyberscan, that was my thought -- that I know him better than anyone and so why go to someone else for a diagnosis? I mean, we told his syblings what we thought and, before we even told them we thought he had Asperger's, his sister said, "You know, I've always kinda thought you might have Asperger's." We just don't think his parents or mine would be so willing to believe us which is why a professional diagnosis would help. Also, you were talking about AQ tests -- are there any that you could direct me to?

Thanks so much!! ! I'm still trying to figure out what to do though so please keep the responses coming!! !

If you want either conformation or any help based off of him being an aspie, get the diagnosis.

If you don't need conformation, and don't want to get any help (counseling, job search help, accommodations, etc), then its not as important to get the diagnosis.

However, if you two are going to label him with aspergers, do a lot of research on aspergers, making sure that it fits, as well as research on all of the other things which have symptoms similar to aspergers (a list of things people are falsely diagnosed in would be good for that). You want to make sure that if you're self-diagnosising you'll be about as sure as if you get the official diagnosis.

Hey again!

Yeah, we're thinking about getting the diagnosis to be 100% positive. I don't want to think he has Asperger's if he doesn't (or has something else).

Oh, and Cyberspan, he scored a 41 out of 50 on that AQ test! Thanks!

I also agree that you should get a diagnosis for your husband. It will make things a lot easier for the two of you in the long run.

So, we went ahead and got a diagnosis -- he has Asperger's. Thanks for all the advice!