My AS is getting worse/vent/ question.

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Ok, they say it doesn't get worse but it definitely feels that way at times. Does it feel like it gets worse at times for the rest of you?

I was visiting family in another state a few weeks ago. Most of the time they only see me talking to just them and my social skills are at least ok in small groups where I understand the topic. But this time I was stuck in a group of 5 people (big for me to handle without social skills mistakes) and I messed up. I still don't see how but I answered a rhetorical question about something on the TV and answered it with an explanation that I couldn't hear so didn't know the answer. Ok, I guess I do see how, I just don't see why it was wrong to answer and explain why I didn't know the answer. I was more interested in the TV and they could tell. I was facing it, and that part I understand why it bothered them, but I couldn't look at them for 5 hours straight while they talked about a topic that made no sense to me.

They were talking about a topic that is over my head so I wasn't facing them. Could anyone sit there for 5 hours listening to things that don't make sense? The words might but the topic of conversation.....it was like listening to words that have nothing to do with each other. The words were real but made no sense in the context to me.

And before the friends came over I was told to turn the TV off, according to my family. Problem is that it took over 24 hours for me to figure out that the phrasing 'you can turn it off' was the same as 'turn it off'. They mean so differnt things to me. I didn't realize that they meant the same to other people, or maybe it is the context on when they mean the same. I don't know. I always thought 'you can' meant you have permission.

The world won't recognize a social skill unless it is possible to find a way to wrap one up, write in big huge letters 'This is a social skill' and slap them in the face with it. Seriously, it's like people might know we have problems with a social skill but can't understand that stopping to look at people, talking to them on their topics, etc are social skills. So that doesn't help since they can't understand why I behaved that way.

Question: And ever since then I feel more AS. I never really used to rock but find myself doing it. I don't get why it is wrong. I am glad I live alone but wonder, will letting mysef do it, make me more addicted to it?

And it doesn't help that I am very all or nothing in what I eat. I go for months on a few foods, and then don't eat that again for a while. The problem is that I am sensitive to, almost allergic to sugar. I am not eating refined sugar but have had so much dried fruit, which is a lot of sugar (dried mango, papaya, etc). And sugar makes me depressed, yet craving it. The only way to end the craving, as I've found before, is to make myself eat it till I'm sick of it and can't eat it anymore. But I'm depressed from eating it.

I"m so frustrated right now. I wish I could go somewhere to distract myself but can't. Tomorrow there are a few places I can go and Thursday but nothing I can do now.

Is it only me that sees being around people (crowds and things) where you don't have to participate as a lot easier than being around only a few people but having to interact with them? There are topics where I could talk with people but then like some of us with AS, I do have specific interests.

Ok, I know I repeat myself when venting.

Thanks for reading this if you've made it this far.

This page may help you with the "getting worse" aspect:

http://web.archive.org/web/200804190836 ... istic.html

It does get worse for a lot of reasons - stress, burnout, being diagnosed, traumatic brain injury, comorbid conditions, etc.

It got worse for me around 2003-2004ish, and again last winter. I do not actually mind at this point, since I know what's going on, although some things are frustrating because of it.

I would interpret that phrase the same way. My family took years to figure out that they had to explicitly say they wanted me to do something rather than phrase it like a euphemism. Whenever someone said something like that, I'd acknowledge it and usually not do it until someone said "No, this is what I want you to do." It caused me more strife than I really care to remember.



Yes, I do see that as easier. I used to be able to spend time in fast food restaurants (as long as they weren't too noisy) by myself. Interacting with just one or two people could be significantly more stressful than spending time in a public place by myself.

Oh, I hate that kind of phrasing - along with the 'do you want to' trap where someone requests you to do something by saying 'do you want to (do whatever the thing is)' or 'would you like to (do whatever the thing is)'. I don't always get caught by it, but sometimes I do.

(And sometimes I have to ask something like "does that mean I have a choice, or are you asking (or telling) me to do it?" Unfortunately, sometimes even that doesn't work very well, because sometimes the person really *wants* me to do something, and their feelings will be hurt if I don't, but they don't want to force me to do it, so they tell me I have a choice.)

Stress can make symptoms worse. If you are constantly in stressful environments it can cause a permanent worsening of your symptoms. Doctors really don't understand this. But I have been hearing more and more about this and have had it happen to me.

I get caught by it constantly, or at least I used to. No one seems to ask me questions like that anymore.



It would be so much easier if they'd be fully honest with their intentions and motivations. I am usually willing to help people if they ask if I will help them, but if they ask me if I want to or give me a choice it may very well be that I have something else I would prefer to do right then and I'll say no. Sometimes I might say yes. But people shouldn't ask "do you want to do this?" or "would you like to do this?" if "no" isn't an acceptable answer.

It sounds like you're just expressing your frustration without acknowledging it. You can't quite understand what they wanted or why they're angry now, so the part of your mind saying 'Wait, whaa?' is triggering other symptoms to tell you that it's still confused.

Try meditation, or just telling yourself what happened. That might clear it up.

(This is something I do a lot. Unfortunately. -.- My brain and I are no longer on speaking terms after last time...)

Thanks everyone.

I will admit to feeling somewhat better but still dwelling on it. I need to stop dwelling, somehow.....

Here is another question for you: How do you interpret the word 'you'? For example you are with a group of people (other co-workers usually but then I don't socialize much out of work in the school year) and the boss asks the groupn'Did you......?' So the term you is plural there, right? How do I know what to answer or if I should wait and let others answer? If I answer I give too much detail. Main ideas are a struggle for me and summarizing things is another struggle. So if someone is asking a group of people do I :

1. Answer for myself because it isn't my fault of the others disagree and don't say anything.
2. Stay quiet and see how long it takes for others to answer. Maybe I answer too soon. I don't know.
3. Say I....and then ask the rest what they think (Am I taking charge of answering too much when/if I do that?).

I struggled with that so much last year and really need to try to somehow do better this school year when the boss uses the term 'you'. I'm just not sure how.

And how to stop dwelling???

Edit: Does anyone else struggle with the word 'you'? I can usually tell when someone is asking me specifically but not always.

Thanks.