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Jamesy
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30 Jan 2011, 10:36 am

My farther came into the house slightly drunk this afternoon after going out and drinking with his friends.

We had an argument and he said to me "I wish you were never born" when he said that i threw water on him. He then went onto say "Go hang yourself and then I will bury you or have you cremated down the at the funeral parlour" he also said "your life will never be easy".

I was crying and my farther claimed to my mother he never said those words to me and my mother believed him.


What do you think of what my dad said to me?

I was giving my dad a bit of attitude though and i was in a sh***y mood. I have been putting my parents through at least a decade of harships (with my behaviour).



Last edited by Jamesy on 30 Jan 2011, 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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30 Jan 2011, 10:40 am

What was the initial argument about?

He might have been harsh because of the influence alcohol has.



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30 Jan 2011, 10:44 am

I think it was a horrible thing to say (both things). It is sad that your Mother didn't believe you.

Your father may not have remembered that he said these things (depending on how drunk he was), I've talked with some drunk people and their voices weren't slurred but they were so drunk that they didn't know what they said later. This doesn't excuse what was said but may explain why he said he didn't say it.


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leejosepho
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30 Jan 2011, 10:46 am

Jamesy wrote:
What do you think of what my dad said to me?

I suspect the alcohol released some of his frustration and pain felt on your behalf and he was being nastily/wrongly sarcastic.

Jamesy wrote:
I have been putting my parents through at least a decade of hardships (with my behaviour).

Now that you know, do you have any hope of getting some help to do something about that?


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Jamesy
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30 Jan 2011, 10:50 am

He was not really that drunk but whenever he has been under the influence he has said similar thingst to me that he would not dare say when he was sober. this afternoon my dad has 1 and a half pints of beer.

That really made me feel terrible him saying he wants to put me in a coffin and cremate me.

I am pure evil though according to my brother so maybe i do deserve to go to hell.

The worst thing he said though was "Things are never going to be easy for you".



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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30 Jan 2011, 11:00 am

Jamesy wrote:
He was not really that drunk but whenever he has been under the influence he has said similar thingst to me that he would not dare say when he was sober. this afternoon my dad has 1 and a half pints of beer.

That really made me feel terrible him saying he wants to put me in a coffin and cremate me.

I am pure evil though according to my brother so maybe i do deserve to go to hell.

The worst thing he said though was "Things are never going to be easy for you".

Why not go someplace else when your Dad has been drinking? Sometimes you have to not say anything and stay away from people at certain times.

Is there any chance of you getting your own place at some point, or moving in with people you are friendlier with?



leejosepho
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30 Jan 2011, 11:02 am

Jamesy wrote:
The worst thing he said though was "Things are never going to be easy for you".

As difficult as that might be to hear and to accept, things are seldom really easy for anybody. However, there is no good reason for you to feel damned or condemned ... so try to find and accept some help.


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Jamesy
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30 Jan 2011, 11:08 am

My parents did buy me my own flat which is currently being lived in by friends of the family (although there moving out in a month).

I am not very independant so i would prefer to live at home.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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30 Jan 2011, 11:09 am

Jamesy wrote:
My parents did buy me my own flat which is currently being lived in by friends of the family (although there moving out in a month).

I am not very independant so i would prefer to live at home.

Okay, so you want to be with your family. Can you think of some ways to make it easier for everyone to get along?



Jamesy
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30 Jan 2011, 11:21 am

maybe in the morning i could eat my breakfast in a seperate room from my parents since that is what usually sets the arguments off.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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30 Jan 2011, 11:26 am

Good idea, Jamsey!
I am wondering, what is it about eating breakfast with them that starts the argument? Does someone say something rude and then an argument happens? Why do they happen in the morning at breakfast time?
Maybe it has something to do with people being stressed out about what they have to do during the day.
When my mom and I fought, it was often in the morning or on Sundays, the day before she had to go back to work on Monday.
Not sure if your situation is similar. Do you notice a pattern correlating to when you and your family argues?



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30 Jan 2011, 11:49 am

As per my usual response to your usual post - I think you need to find your own place.

Your family resents the fact that you have not begun your own life yet. They will continue to resent you until you do so. You will never get along with these people until you are no longer living under the same roof with them.

Right or wrong, mean or not, this is who these people are. Is what you get out of staying at home worth what you have to suffer to continue to do so? Also, moving out can only help you in the romance department.



leejosepho
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30 Jan 2011, 12:07 pm

MidlifeAspie wrote:
Is what you get out of staying at home worth what you have to suffer to continue to do so?


Jamesy wrote:
My parents did buy me my own flat ...

I am not very independent so i would prefer to live at home.


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Jamesy
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30 Jan 2011, 12:41 pm

Its not just my familys fault but mostly my fault. 5 years ago i was a lot nicer person than iam now. My brother told me when i turned 17 i started to become horrible.

It might just be a bad phase and maybe if i stop being so agressive and more laid back the whole family would get along better. Next week i am gonna start exercising more to get rid fo some of my agression. Even though i am not a member of a gym i did find the gym was a good way of gettting rid of some of my agression. I left my old gym because i was made fun off by the people that worked there :(

Its not nice though saying that i should be burned, hanged and buried :(



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30 Jan 2011, 12:49 pm

When he was angry one of my father's favorite things to say was ,


"You are a good excuse for retroactive abortion."

By 18 I was in a group home and by 21 married .

Staying with people who are abusive is never a good idea.


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30 Jan 2011, 2:03 pm

If my dad said something like that to me he would have an unfortnate accident going down the basement steps. :wink:


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Last edited by Todesking on 31 Jan 2011, 1:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

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