do we have a harder time accepting loss than NTs?

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felinesaresuperior
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28 Jul 2011, 1:15 pm

my cat died two and half years and a few days ago and i still haven't gotten over her completely. i read somewhere we have a problem accepting loss.
i could barely eat or sleep for several months and lost weight. i walked around in a fog. i was walking toward the grocery store and stopped, unable to remember where i was going or why or how to get home. luckily, that only lasted a few seconds, or minutes, not sure. i lost interest in everything. even half a year later, life seemed gray and i was depressed.
when the vet told me she was dying, i doubled over with a horrible stomach ach and after that, every time i thought about food, all i could think about was that pain... and my stomach wasn't right after that for a long time.
i couldn't go anywhere. it was embarrassing. i'd walk down the street and suddenly start crying and had no controll over it. didn't know when it was going to happen, either. it was like a tsunami when least expected, especially when i thought i was all right and i was over it.
for months after her death, i left the window open in case she'll leap back in.
any similiar experiences, anyone, or maybe it's normal for nts, too? i don't know if my reaction was normal under the circumstances.



LuckyLeft
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28 Jul 2011, 1:22 pm

Sure. considering the possibility that it may be harder for us as AS's to find true companionship, and if we lose them, for whatever reason may be, it'll could take us longer to cope with the loss. It happens to NT's too, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happens to people within the Spectrum at a higher percentage.....



MagicMeerkat
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28 Jul 2011, 1:34 pm

A friend of mine who runs a meerkat rescue center in California has a friend who is an Animal Planet producer and when she shared a story I wrote with her and heard that I was Autistic, she wanted to make a documentary about the bond Autistic people have with animals which would feature me. They would fly me out to the meerkat lady's place and then to Africa to see wild meerkats and meet with this meerkat biologist. Animal Planet refused to do it because they were working on Meerkat Manor and did not want two meerkat shows at the same time. I went into a depression and a part of my soul died. It took me a while to figure out who to be mad at, my friend for showing my story, the documentary lady for thinking it up, Animal Planet for refusing or all of them. I've finnaly decided that my friend and the animal planet lady aren't to blame they were just trying to do something nice for me. Animal Planet is just a selfish company and I hate them. The lady won't answer my e-mails but the zoologist they were going to fly me out to see says he hasn't heard from her in years either becuase ever since Animal Planet has been sponsering her (and sending other people out to her place) the fame has gone to her head. Animal Planet took my only friend from me as well. f**k you animal Planet and rot in hell. I had a nervous breakdown as a result of this whole thing and STILL am recovering.


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Jory
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28 Jul 2011, 1:35 pm

I still haven’t gotten over the loss of someone I dated who died in a car accident eight years ago. We were only together for a month. So yeah, probably.



FlyingSolo
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28 Jul 2011, 1:36 pm

LuckyLeft wrote:
Sure. considering the possibility that it may be harder for us as AS's to find true companionship


Exactly what I was thinking. A lot of people on the spectrum don't have many close friends, so it is easier for us to get emotionally attached to an animal, object or even an event.



MommyJones
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28 Jul 2011, 1:39 pm

I'm NT, and I can't compare my feelings to yours, but animals dying crushes me. After my first dog died it took 2 years for me to stop crying, and 8 years to get another dog. I just found out that my dog I have now has a huge, inopperable liver tumor and she's a ticking time bomb. They day I found out was the day I was driving several hours to a funeral of my uncle who I was very close to. I cried the whole way up over my dog.

I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but animals are often times harder than people, moreso even. They are a part of you, kind of like your child and it's extremely painful for me to lose an animal. They are innocent, and they love you for who you are no matter what that is. It's hard to lose something like that.



felinesaresuperior
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28 Jul 2011, 1:51 pm

that's so true. a woman once told me she had to put her dog to sleep. they found her as a puppy on the street after some low form of life burned her with a cigarette. anyway, she said years later, her husband still cries at night, and he's a calm type, got kids and grandkids and is married and owns a business.
i've seen a grown, tough looking man crying over his saint bernard. and there was a police woman with the words 'bombs removal' on the back of her shirt. i mean, she's tough. she eats bombs for breakfast. (we do have lots of those around and it really is a dangerous job here). anyway, she was crying her heart out over that midium size brown dog. someone put a towel on the floor and the dog collasped on it like it had no strength left and then someone that was with the policewoman said the word "tumor"...
it really is very hard to get over the loss of a pet and i hate it when people shrug and say, "just get another one." that's so heartless.



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28 Jul 2011, 2:09 pm

I think some of us do have a much harder time with loss. My granny died when I was 12 years old and it's taken nearly 8 years for me to stop crying at random. When my first, second and third rabbit died, I cried for days. I dread to think how I am going to react when my current rabbit Jenifer (who is 8 years old and therefore elderly) passes away. Although I suppose I might be able to realise that we've had a good long life together whereas my other three all died young (seriously, why did I keep going back to that store?)

Other Aspies don't cry at all or feel any emotion at loss so I have heard.


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Joe90
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28 Jul 2011, 2:37 pm

I do at the time. I have meltdowns when I've lost something or somebody. I think it's an emotional overload. But I seem to get over it quickly (unless I think too deeply about it). Like I lost my closest cousin when I was 14, (not through death but through a controlling freak man), and although I haven't been able to speak to her to this day, I have gotten over her, but I did have a few anger moments when I was 14, when I knew I was losing her. I got very upset. But I'm used to her not being part of the family any more a long time ago.

So no, this question doesn't apply to me.


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nemorosa
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28 Jul 2011, 2:52 pm

Someone whom I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years died about three years ago. I still think of her several times a day.

It is strange because I never normally feel any sense of loneliness but when I think of her I remember things only we two could have known of, and now I'm the only one with those memories; it feels like a burden and makes me feel very lonely.



Last edited by nemorosa on 28 Jul 2011, 3:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

littlelily613
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28 Jul 2011, 3:06 pm

I have a very difficult time accepting loss of pets and loved ones. This is likely because there are few friends in my life and very few people who I truly connect to. It is also because I have a terrible time adjusting to change.

When my cats died when I was younger, I shutdown, and had numerous meltdowns as well. I actually spoke to them privately for years afterward, knowing they were gone but unable to let go of my connection to them.

I was an adult before I lost important people to me. My great-grandmother was first and very sudden, and that was very difficult for me as well, especially since I lived with her temporarily and had gotten to know her well (she had a LOT of great-grand children, so that was rare). Also, my grandfather passed away a little over two years ago. That was probably my most difficult loss ever. I believe he was mildly on the spectrum, which is perhaps why he was the only person who seemed to understand or at least tolerate me for who I am. I was VERY close to him, even when we did not speak, and just sat there with one another. We had a very strong bond, and I was devastated when he was diagnosed with cancer and passed away less than a year later. I still feel myself shutting down occasionally when I think of him, and I am often brought to tears when I think that I will never see him again.

I do think because of my autism, I have a more difficult time transitioning to a life without the deceased. Others seem to be able to move on, while I am still trying to get my routine back and hold on to what once was.


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CockneyRebel
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28 Jul 2011, 10:35 pm

I was having a very rough time getting over the death of a rock n roll icon last summer. My mum's cold words didn't help me very much. If my mum didn't say those harsh words, I would have been over it a lot sooner. "They're old....people don't last forever!" is a pretty asinine thing to say to someone when an original member of their favourite band passes away.


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Joe90
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29 Jul 2011, 9:42 am

I don't know....when people lose a child, they can take years to get over it. I know an NT who lost her child 26 years ago, and she still thinks about her at times. But the child was only 3 when she died, and it was a very sudden tragic death what was unexpected (it was from falling over onto something sharp that cut her neck, and she bled to death before the ambulance had a chance to arrive). :cry:


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