Competitiveness

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I heard an interesting story on NPR this morning. The segment was on the psychology of the debt limit "debate" going on in Washington. Most of it was irrelevant to autism, but they said one thing that stuck with me about NT relations and how it affects success in the workplace and the world at large. I suspect that this may be an issue for many autistics.

Basically, if you put a group of men together, they subconsciously start competing as if they were competing for a women. But if there are women actually present, they are actually LESS competitive along those lines. So a group of just men working out a solution to a problem will interact differently than a mixed gender group.

This got me to thinking. I am almost never competitive. In my mind it is just as pointless as small talk. The posturing and aggressiveness of competition is counterproductive to the rational assessment of problems and the derivation of functional solutions.

I also dislike competitiveness because it implies a winner and a loser.

That said, apparently, for me to be successful, I must learn to compete. Not just produce good ideas, or do good work, or be professional, courteous or whatever - but I actually have to "vanquish my opponents" and drag off the female to my cave so I can breed. Having squashed my rivals, I gain social capital to spend on exerting my will, regardless of the subsequent veracity of my ideas, quality of my leadership, or any other such virtues.

It would seem that the whole 'win-win' rubric is an illusion. It's really "I win - you don't lose so bad that you hate me for very long". If I beat you down so bad that you hate me forever, then I make an enemy. So I have to smack you down, but only hard enough so you can convince yourself that you didn't lose bad, but rather you came in second place by a photo finish. But you DO need to know that I won, otherwise I don't move up the hierarchy of social dominance.

Bizarre.

It is the same with females. As soon as there is a man present, the hierarchy follow other rules. The rules are then more about having good contact to/influence on the opposite sex. With only girls there are moments of no competition, and if there is a competition, its almost invisible and highly psychological demanding.

I think I must add that there is not always a competition with a man present either, if we know each other good. And there was a lot more competitiveness when I was younger.
I prefer ignoring such competitions anyhow and have sometimes a lady competing with me which I totally ignore. This is very effective, as she might think that she is no challenge for me, so I guess if you dont see whats going on, you're not in a bad position. Also among educated people I think that a competitive person which doesnt receive any response appear to be childish if it gets obvious.

I too am NEVER competititve in the sense that you speak. I focus on my work and my job very single mindedly. Now that said, I am VERY aware of the amount of work that is expected of someone of my grade level and experience and I make sure to set my own personal bar higher than that expectations. This goes for my sports as well. I compete with myself against the industry standards. I don't have enough bandwidth to care about this otherwise. This strategy has always served me well.

If I'm being honest like very much to be right; as in to be factually correct, create the most elegant or efficient solution to a problem and to excel at what I do.

As I see it other people competitiveness is less about getting things right, the truth or satisfaction in a job well done but instead about the WINNING. It doesn't matter what it's about or how they get there so long as they can lord it over everyone else. What matters in the game is who is 'above' you and who is 'below'.

It is interesting for people like myself who do not fulfil these social expectations. Because I have no urge to compete many have assumed I must me some kind of push-over.

Women tend to get MEAN around each other, staring each other down, making nasty comments, whenever there's two women who don't know each other who chance to meet. I have never understood this. At one time I thought they just did it to me, but I've been watching; they do it to each other as well, sometimes even more.

And if there's a man present they automatically ignore each other and try to get the man's attention. Women do this even to married couples, even if they're not interested at all in winning the man.

Oh, and if you don't compete and you say something the women don't like you get cut down where you stand, as iif you're competitive anyway. I would rather just talk about subjects that I'm interested in, not play this stupid dominance game. It makes interaction tiresome.

I understand everything about the social side of life, but I choose to not agree with it, even though I automatically go along with it, simply because I don't want to stand out and be laughed at.

And yes, competitiveness annoys me, and it does seem that women are more competitive than men.

I can be competitive when it comes to certain things, like board games and other cerebral tasks. I'm not the world's best loser, meaning that I actually DO like to win. But lately, I've been tired of it. I think it's juvenile. I see "competitiveness" a lot in online games, for example, and I think it's just the most ridiculous thing. Everyone trying to show off to one another to show how awesome they are. When in reality, it's all very shallow and meaningless. I have more respect for the person who does their best without making sure everyone knows it.

Nowadays, I tend to judge myself based on my own personal standards. I like to do well, so my standards are high. But I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

As a rule I am not very competative, especially in situations where to be that way would require me to do it at the expense of someone else. If its something like playing video games to compete for who gets the highest score or whatever I can have fun with that sort ofcompetation because its just for fun.

I am not competitive at all. People who are part of a group will all compete with each other for the highest position in the group. Since I am alone, even in a group, there is no concept of competition in my mind. It's very annoying when someone starts competing with me when I am not competing with them. This lack of competitive drive is definitely a liability in many professions, especially ones that involve personal prestige, like in government/corporations/academia.

As I mentioned in my thread about gender roles up above:

In a way I am very competitive--but it's more that I'm just bad at teamwork and being one of the crowd. If I'm in a room and don't feel that there is something at which I am better than everyone else in the room, I feel purposeless.

Now the BEST scenario is when I am just recognized as being the "go-to person" for some particular thing, and nobody challenges me in my ability to do that, whereas I don't have to challenge them in their specialties either. It's like "pre-resolved" competition, if you know what I mean.

When I'm surfing its usually crowded so being somewhat competitive is important if you want to get waves.

I'm quite competitive, but rather than sit on the peak and bad vibe others, or try to dominate the pack in the water, I usually opt for more space around me, or try to position myself for left overs

In excellent super crowed condition like 60plus surfers on a break, I dont mind jostling with the crew, as everyone is hyper alert and your own competitiveness is less apparent amongst the throng. And if you dont compete you get nothing to ride that day

I live in Auckland NZ so both west and east coasts are handy. Mainly I'm out at Piha or Takapuna

Takapuna is only 10mins from me, but being a city beach doesnt get much swell.

The water isnt too cold, no boots or hood just a 4/3mm wetsuit

Where are you surfing?