Where do I fit in?

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All my life I feel like I have been different and like I never really fit with anyone. Currently, being with the love of my life I worry about showing him love without criticism. I just wonder do I fit in the spectrum or I am just a mentally unstable NT :/. I have taken the online quizzes I swing either way I feel like I am on a balancing beam swaying on each side trying to stay on the beam. I looked at a chart that was provided with traits of a female with Asperger's and I showed it to my husband. He said he could circle almost everything trait that applied to me. He more aware that there is some different and not normal compare to most couples.
I really don't know much about my childhood, especially as a baby, only a few snip bits. Before I was born I was told I was going to be a boy (surprise I am girl, lol). When my mom had me in something to sit on the kitchen counter I manage to rock myself off of it. I was quiet as baby when it came to sleeping, my mom thought I was dead ( I am the first born). When I was a toddler, I never really spoke much and whenever it is normal for toddlers to start speaking my younger sister was speaking in complete sentences. My mom was very worry because I was not speaking and took me to a speech therapist and also had my hearing tested. When I was elementary school, I never really had problems in school, only thing that I had trouble was math but that was in the first grade and I eventually got help and got good at it. I still had trouble with story problems though =P When I was in middle school, is when I got picked on severely, my locker got trashed, I smacked in the face with a dodge ball while just sitting on the bleachers, and I was almost pushed off the bleachers. I also have a fear of thunderstorms, which developed when I was a child. Also I don't think it helped that I am clumsy I will walked and I trip myself up if my toe just hits the floor just right. In high school, I had gum but in my hair as a freshman and on teacher that stood up for me was a substitute. I had problems with public speaking and I talk super fast. I was able to make a 10 mins. into 2 mins. speech. I had a few friends in high school, most us band geeks. I also enjoy drawing and art so I was in Art club. I even got involved in with anime. I had a more overall love for animals, I use to have these binder that had animal fact sheets I would look at them over and over again on a monthly basis. In college, I went for a Vet tech degree (really wanted to be a veterinarian). I really didn't associated myself with anyone and I was always watching my back on campus. I really thought I was going to be attack by some perv . I was thankful that we dogs and cats in the program so it help with the stress of college and feeling like everyone my class had a superiority complex of thinking they are better than me.
I currently am unemployed and I have not have very much success with getting a job in my field. I had had an interview once at specialty clinic and they said I would never be a vet tech and it made me cry during the interview. Then they went ahead hiring me and then fire me 3 days later. Their reasons were that I was a hazard and I made the vets feel unsafe It sent me into a fit of depression. Currently I am married, and live with my first love that met during I was college. When he first asked me out I was about to throw up before I said yes. And now we live together, I can not show him love without thinking I of getting criticize. I have been have tantrums like I did as a toddler (minus pounding my head on the floor). I have had a few meltdowns when no one is there I will yell and scream and cry, and sometime I will cut my own hair. One time I tore up my college degree because I was so upset with myself ( I ordered a replacement degree.)
So now I am stuck on where I fit in at and why I am such head case. I have been to 1 psychiatrist, 1 counselor, and 1 psychologist. The psychologist was more for our marriage and we have talked to her just a couple days ago. She said we should pray and not to go through a maze of vines for the answer. I have tried to look for someone in my area for a diagnoses but been turn away and this is from a counseling center. If you don't have a family doctor we don't want to bother with you. And also they said Asperger's is only found in children -_-; I am a christian and I use to go to church. My home church was normally quiet and there was singing, and only the people in the pulpit would speak. But I got tired afterwards from those services. The church I use to go to now is Pentecostal and there would be multiple prayers all at the same time @_@ I would leave those services tired and with a headache. Nothing really helped the headache eating or taking a nap never really helped it. I have a hard time with showing some sort of expression with accepting gifts. I can feel like I enjoy what I got but I can express it outwards. I think that is the same with showing love to my husband. I also take a lot things literal and seriously when it comes to jokes. Also a lot of people have said to my husband that I am rude, ignorant, and arrogant. I make several of his friends uncomfortable around. Most of the time I just involve myself with video games (especially mmos), and I rather talk to my critters or myself besides my husband.

Sorry that I wrote a book on here I do hope I can at least get some more answers about myself. I do know I do hurt my husband but on the outside I can't express it or show it. All I can do is say how I feel with little emotion or mostly frustration/anger. Sorry again since this a long opening post.

Hi and *hugs* Your story in many ways is similar to mine. I have had bad luck with jobs and counselors in the past too.

IMO you do have Aspergers; you may also have social anxiety-- I hope you can find more competent professionals to diagnose and help you.

It is utter BS that only children can have aspergers; plenty of people here, including myself, were diagnosed as adults.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

Thanks for welcoming me to the forum *hugs back*. We have tried looking for someone and there one center in that is an hour away. But we don't know much about it that center or if they only deal with children with autism. Really my husband been doing all the searching and he is the one that found this forum. He introduce it to me because he also wants to know how to understand me better and how I can understand him to without overreacting. He talked to the last psychologist we went to see if she knew someone that know about Asperger's to diagnose it in adults. So we were left with some dead ends :/