Ask roommate if he is on the spectrum ?.

Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

TB
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 531
Location: netherlands

03 Aug 2011, 6:37 am

So recently there is a new person living in the house together with me and others.
Immediately in conversation with him i was having difficulty with eye contact, since i am so used to being the one looking away most of the time. At other times i caught myself smiling due to how little eye contact he makes. I don't have a lot of real life experience with people on the spectrum, and i never put much faith in my aspie radar. The eye contact thing isn't all that makes me suspect its also the way he carries himself and our conversations.

Im not sure wether i should ask if he is on the spectrum or not. It seems nice to know for sure if we both are. And he will know that i don't mind if he acts differently. His traits are more pronounced then mine but there is always the chance of him not having knowledge about autism. So asking it directly might put him in a difficult spot, on the other hand i could be the one to tell about my diagnosis but i dont like dropping the aspergers syndrome word in conversation. Its like gravitiy on earth doubles and everything gets so heavy, people are starting to calculate their next words.
Not sure how i should go about this without putting him in a difficult position, i have thought about asking why he makes eye contact in the way he does.

Also stealthily interrogating him about aspie traits or experiences is not an option. Im sure i will get more and more examples of his aspieness as time goes on so i could just as well wait.



MollyTroubletail
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,185
Location: Canada

03 Aug 2011, 7:17 am

I would recommend not asking him deeply personal questions right away, but becoming friends with him if you want to and if he allows you to get closer.

If you do become closer friends, at that time it would be okay to gently begin talking about your own Aspergers and how it affects you, and with any luck he will come to realize that he is a lot like you, and make the logical connection on his own.

In general, it is wise to save your most personal discussions on sensitive topics for people who you have a close relationship with, unless they themselves decide to bring up the topic with you.



TB
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 531
Location: netherlands

03 Aug 2011, 8:54 am

I will do that, good advice thx.



LornaDoone
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jul 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 200
Location: Canada

03 Aug 2011, 9:04 am

I'm with Molly. He gives very good advice.


_________________
6 year old boy with PDD-NOS
7year old girl with ADD, but has been very manageable
Me: Diagnosed bi-polar, medicated for 20 years now.


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,704
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

03 Aug 2011, 9:42 am

I wouldn't ask him unless he brings it up.


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,399

03 Aug 2011, 1:14 pm

From what you posted, the lack of eye contact and other traits are what made you take notice. Are you hoping you and he can become friends? If this is the case, try to become friends with him regardless. Life is not about labels. It's about people.



wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

03 Aug 2011, 1:52 pm

Or just do the socially inept aspie thing and blurt it out in the most publicly awkward manner possible.

(joking)

Do your other room mates know of your ASD?


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.


TB
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 531
Location: netherlands

03 Aug 2011, 1:57 pm

@wavefreak: they dont know

@ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo: you become semi-friends with any nice people you live with anyway, just because you live in the same house. I don't specifically want it anymore then i would want to become friends with anyone else, but it will probably just happen.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,826
Location: Pacific Northwest

03 Aug 2011, 2:02 pm

I wouldn't ask him. It's rude to ask.



wavefreak58
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,419
Location: Western New York

03 Aug 2011, 2:02 pm

TB wrote:
@wavefreak: they dont know


Probably best to use the slow careful route. If your roomies don't know, then asking the new guy might force your DX into the open and that would change things. Maybe change them for the better. Maybe for the worse. People are hard to predict and aspies are worse at it than NTs.


_________________
When God made me He didn't use a mold. I'm FREEHAND baby!
The road to my hell is paved with your good intentions.